Phat to Fabulous!
06 February 2006
*rapping and nodding head with eyes closed* Once again, back is the incredible!
You all know by now that it is dangerous to leave me to my own devices. In case you are still trying to figure it out, that line was Chuck D in Public Enemy's "Bring Tha Noize" featuring Anthrax circa 1991. That takes me back to my black militant phase when I wore the Malcolm X glasses, had the Africa medallion, red, black and green Cross Colors outfit, with the black Bart Simpson shirt that said, "It's a black thing you wouldn't understand!". Those were some tragic days in the fashion history books. Thank God that most evidence of those days has been destroyed. Anyone reading this that still has any proof that we ever dressed like that please take this time, to light the bonfire in your backyard and burn any remaining clothes and all pictures related to that era. My apologies to anyone's eyes that had to witness me during that time, there is truly no excuse whatsoever!
So I hope everyone had a pleasant weekend, I know I did. I ended up taking a 2 day break from the gym, but I needed to let the body rest. Plus my 5 year-old's social calendar was rather demanding this weekend and it cut into my workout time. I did make it back into the gym yesterday. I couldn't risk taking anymore days off as I will admit the hubby and I made one of those 3am runs to Jalisco's after going out with friends on Saturday. My guilt was lessened since I know my husband is trying to lose weight too, so I had a friend in my fiend-ish craving for Mexican food at 3am.
It's funny, we have the same goal and two totally different ways of going about it. We go to the same gym, although you will rarely find us going together. When I first started going to the gym I set up and appointment right away to meet with the trainer. I hated walking around aimlessly like a lost puppy dog, I just wanted someone to tell me what to do and I would do it. Plus I figured if I was really going to do this, why not start off doing it right instead of just wasting time and money. Now, my husband on the other hand, a man who loves food and a lot of it, even though he is not very big at all. Decided that he would go to the gym, hit the elliptical until it wouldn't ellipse anymore or until he fell off whichever would happen first. Then he decided to change his diet. For the first few weeks, he would eat cheddar cheese, saltine crackers and tuna (a man who doesn't like fish). Then he got all wild and crazy one day and decided to add some carrots and fruits to his diet. I don't know about you, but most times I like to eat, because I like how food tastes, not just because I like to chew. Needless to say, he and I didn't quite see eye to eye on his diet of choice. I think he is slowly coming around to my side of things, he is eating more normally, just watching his portion sizes, which for him is a big step. Anyone that knows him knows this man can eat a foot long hoagie in no time. I always joke with him that one day he will be like that episode of "The Cosby Show" where all the men gave birth do the things they loved and Cliff gave birth to a 3 foot long hoagie and a bottle of orange soda! Oh I miss good wholesome family comedies. But he is doing good. He has also lost some weight and hopefully come summertime we will both be more fit versions of our formerly flabby selves. Plus, even if he stops, I had a big wake up call when I realized that I weighed more than my husband who is 6' tall! OMG! How the he!! did I accomplish that? I had one of those moments where I yelled at myself, in my own head of course and said, "L stop this $hit now!"
White pants, are you f$%^*#g serious!
So its Monday morning, I am not all that chipper on any morning let alone a Monday morning. Today was no different. I walk into work, already in a great mood because its freaking 16 degrees outside with wind chills of negative a bazillion or so it feels and I am trying to figure out why in the world I, of all people, live in Wisconsin! As I ponder why and how I ended up here, and I curse my parents, especially my dad who now lives in warm sunny California (damn him), my grandparents, my in-laws, my kids, my husband and Vince Condella, my friendly weather man. I am ripped away from my disturbing thoughts by the site of cellulite in white! WTF do people really think when the get up and get dressed in the morning! I mean seriously, you can't possibly tell me that you put that on and looked at yourself in the mirror, by looking at you it is questionable whether or not you own one at all, and decided dang I look good! First off, you are definitely a member of the chunky booty crew with me, did I hear you applied to run for my office when I lose my weight? Second, your a$$ has more dimples than Milwaukee streets have potholes. Third, you f$%^*#g thought it was a good idea to wear these 2 times too small pants out in public and force the rest of us to look at it. There should be laws against this. You have to figure that someone that would do this to my eyes must not have friends, probably lost them for obvious reasons. I can trust that if I were to walk out of the house looking like that on any occasion, if my husband didn't catch me before I tried to leave, my girls would definitely cut my off at the pass, pull a "Whitney" and say "OH HE!! TO DA NAW!" They would then politely walk me right back into my house, back to the hotel if we were on one of our many trips, and assist me in finding something that is acceptable for public viewing. A few tips for that poor child that I saw this morning:
- Get an all over girdle if you are even going to think about wearing stuff like that
- May want to carry a fire extinguisher for back up, because as tight as those pants are you might start a fire with the cold dry weather we are having
- Get some new friends
- Get some mirrors
- STOP IT!
Seriously, she can do better. It might not hurt for her to start on her own [blank] to Fabulous plan. I wouldn't say that she is Pretty Hot and Tempting yet, but she can fill in her own blank. :)
A few resources you might want to check out:
Discovery Health: Body Challenge 2006
I think I am done rambling for today. I am going to get back to work and try not to fall asleep. I am tired today, the weekend is never long enough. I am going to head to the gym today and do my normal battle for a machine, since everyone remembers that they are fat on Mondays after pigging out all weekend I am sure the gym will be packed. Until next time.
Today's Quote:
I don't exercise. If God wanted me to bend over, he'd have put diamonds on the floor.
-- Joan Rivers
1 Comments:
"Bring that beat back. Bring that beat back. Ya'll want that beat back?"
You know, I never had the medallions, but plenty of "Bootleg T-shirts of the month" like Ice cube said. Those, plus my pick with the fist (that is still being used), I have to keep. I can't say whether I have fully keep the sensibilities of that time, but I do hold on to few of the ideas. It keeps me mindful of the fact that there is still much to be done.
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