Phat to Fabulous!

*rapping* I'm the L, Won't you pull it Straight to the head With the speed of a bullet Cuttin' jokers off at the meeky-freeky gullet Lyrical sedative, keep niggas medative Head rushers I give to creative kids and fiends Dreams of euphoria, Aurora, To another galaxy Phallic-sy Be this microphone, but get lifted Lyrically I'm gifted

Does that have anything to with anything? Nope, I was just having one of my moments! Can you name that song? Hmmmmm....didn't think you could! Anywho I hope you are ready for some random ramblings, because today is just one of those days.

I think my trainer is trying to kill me!
So I had my meeting that I was supposed to have with my trainer last week. I get there, he's already to go asking me how my workouts are going, which I told him I was sure I have long ago plateaued. So I told him I really just need a swift kick in the a$$ to get back in gear. So we do the whole numbers thing, weights, BMI which has gone down significantly and everything and he's like well lets do this and starts going through some little tweaks in my workout. Then he stops, takes the piece of paper and balls it up and says no I think you are ready, we're going to step your game up. His words, "I think you're ready!" At this point I just stop and look at him like WTF? At least one of us thinks I am ready for whatever it is you are about to hand me. This man starts printing all kinds of stuff out a new cardio workout, a new abs workout and a new weight training plan. We only got through half of it last night, but he had me on the treadmill for 20 minutes at varying speeds and inclines. This man had me walking on a 15.0 incline on the treadmill. He says, "How does it feel?" I said, "Who's job is it to pick my a$$ up off of the floor when I land there after falling off of this d@mn thing!" His response, he points at my friend Nicole who weighs about the same as my left thigh and says, "Her!" I almost fell off of the treadmill at that point in laughter! Yeah right! Anywho, so I finish that he shows me some of the weights and says he will meet with me for a half an hour today and show me the rest of the workout. I left there thinking I am not going to be able to walk in the morning. However, I got up this morning and hopped out of bed and felt just fine. However, after I got my a$$ to work and sat in the same position in this damn chair, that was a different story. But that's ok, I'm just going to, "Breath, Stretch, Shake....Let it go!"

Your smoking section please!
So I understand that everyone in the world is on the health no smoking kick. Heck I don't smoke, haven't since college. However, I must protest on behalf of my smoking friends on this one point. Now I love to go into a bar or an establishment and not have to be choked by the horrible smell of smoke, or go to a club and not feel like I smoked a pack of cigarettes by the time I leave. And I can't stand as much as the next non-smoker when you walk out of a non-smoking place, such as work and all of the smokers are standing right next to the door so that when you open the door you get smacked in the face with a curtain of smoke, from Newport, to Camels, to Marlboro, to Parliament. However, I think my work place has taken it a little far. We recently moved to this newly built building an in an effort to keep the smokers from constructing that wonderful curtain outside of the East entrance of the building they have this little glass house for all of the smokers to go inside of to commit suicide, I mean to smoke a cigarette. I honestly thought it was a Milwaukee County Transit System Bus Stop in the middle of our parking lot, until I saw that on the side of the glass house it says, SMOKING PERMITTED! Isn't this taking it just a little far? I mean dang its Wisconsin its 27 degrees outside and they have to hike to the other side of the parking lot just to go sit in this box of death to smoke a cigarette. I think to myself everyday as I see this contraption, who enforces making sure that there isn't a rogue smoker who is not in the penalty box. And what is the punishment for not staying in the box? And at work aren't they always telling you to try to think outside of the box? Who thought of this? Were they a smoker? What purpose is it really supposed to serve? The thing has no doors, the sides are open so you aren't preventing pollution by keeping the smoke in. And why do these people just conform and accept that this is where the sign says I am supposed to go so I guess I will go into the box of death? And in a world where we are told if we stare at our feet for two long we may end up with cancer of the pinky toe, AIDS and gonnorhea why are these people still smoking anyway? I say to these people, is it really worth it? STOP THAT $HIT!


As a non-smoker I have put together some of the most lame excuses I have heard from friends on why they still smoke. Because I just couldn't help myself, I had to add just a few of my own responses! Here we go:

1. Keeps the mosquitoes away in the summer (WTF! It's December 14th, what are you practicing?)
2. Who wants to live to be 90 anyway!
3. I exercise and I am a vegan, I am very healthy. (So when you die of lung cancer you will be tired and want a steak, uh that's good I guess!)
4. I'm only a social smoker. (Good so you only kill yourself when you are in the company of friends, why thanks, we appreciate it!)
5. I want to protest against all of those ABC afterschool specials that told me I could be cool even if I didn't succumb to peer pressure. (They were lying, you were a loser no matter what!)
6. I love the wintery fresh feeling of charred menthol on my lungs
7. Its not like I am doing drugs or something, I am not getting high (Well at least if you smoked weed you would have something to look forward to at the end, munchies!)
8. I think the cigarette burn holes in my clothes give them character and make them look vintage. (No, they give them a why-in-the-he!!-haven't-you-thrown-that-$hit-away kind of look)
9. I get my cartons on sales! (And you are still spending more than I do on gas!)
10. I only smoke the ones that I can't fit in the care package I send to Man-Man out at the House of Corrections!

Ok, I am going to stop. Before I go I just have to say, why didn't I think of this? I need to do some work. Until next time, holla at ya girl!

Today's Quote:

I get my exercise running to the funerals of my friends who exercise.

-- Barry Gray