Phat to Fabulous!

So I have come to the conclusion that there is an evil plot between my children, their friends and my husband to keep me the same plump lovable woman I have grown, literally, to become. So today at work was stressful, we are in the process of moving our office, they told my boss that we wouldn't be moving today until about 4 pm, I got to work at 7:45 am and the computer guy was there asking if he could take my monitor, docking station, keyboard and mouse. Well what the hell did I come to work for today! So I kept a positive attitude for as long as I could, but at the point at which the mover came to my desk at 10:30 am and asked for my chair I called it a day. I came home to work for the rest of the day. I think it was the best decision for all involved!

So I got quite a bit of stuff done here, today. I get dressed for the gym before I head out to go get kids. Now just some background for you: I share a nanny with my friend. She normally comes to our house, however she just had a baby about a month ago and decided that in an effort to minimize her maternity leave, that if we were willing to bring the kids to her, she would come back to work after only 2 weeks off. Seems easy enough, yeah that's what I thought. So I call the my nanny to tell her I am on my way to come get the kids. She says no problem they are ready they already have their shoes on, it takes me like 20 minutes to get to her house. It was about 4:45 pm when I called her, so I figured I could get Kennedy and my friend's daughter, Aniah, and head to the gym and be there by 5:30 pm. We all know my life can never just be that simple. I get there with my oldest daughter and walk in the door, Kennedy now has on one shoe and Aniah is completely naked. Now, Kennedy is infamous for never having on shoes, so that was no surprise. But why in the hot he!! is Aniah butt naked? Well, apparently, after I spoke to the nanny on the phone Aniah decided that she had to go to the bathroom (potty training is a b!tch) so she went in the bathroom. Jenny, the nanny, was just finishing washing her hands, in the two seconds it took for her to follow Aniah into the bathroom, this child had taken her pants down and had proceeded to get poop on everything. Her hair, her shirt, her socks, her shoes, and everything within a $hitting distance! WTF! So Jenny had to give her a bath and change her clothes. By the time I left Jenny's it was 5:45 and I still had to meet Nicole to drop her off and get to the gym. At that point I called it a wash. I wouldn't have gotten out of the gym until after 7:30 pm, the kids wouldn't have had dinner, there was just really no point.

Oh but that's not the end. So I talk to my husband, he's making dinner. I am thankful, one less thing I have to worry about. I get home and I smell the grease! This man, oooh I love him, but this man has made fried chicken, actually fried french fries, made corn on the cob and is asking me if I wants some d@mn biscuits! You are joking right! Now, I have said before, he is determined to lose weight too. What in the world would make you fry up an entire dinner unless you were trying to keep me from being divalicious! I mean d@mn I already look good, but sabotage is not the way to keep me from my destiny of fabulousness. I smell a C-O-N-SPIRACY here folks! And it stinks of Crisco I say! I must rise up and revolt against the evil things in my house, now apparently, I have Thing 1 (Kennedy), Thing 2 (Jordan), and now the Cat in the Hat, himself (my husband). People I say to my family today, STOP THAT $HIT! *singing* Like Cain and Abel, Caesar and Brutus, Jesus and Judas, Backstabbers do this...Forgive them father for they know not what they do, Forgive them father for they know not what they dooooooo! (I can name that song in three shakes!) Lauryn Hill, Forgive them Father (The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill, the best album of all times!)