Phat to Fabulous!
10 May 2006
I see stupid people...
...they're everywhere! Unfortunately, we are all surrounded by them and have to deal with them everyday. I have asked some friends for some help today. I have asked them to take a moment to share their story of the stupidest person that they have encountered recently. I asked that they try to narrow it down to the past 24 hours, because I know how hard it is to find the one most stupid person, since we all encounter so many of them day to day. There are always just too many to name...the idiot that cut you off at the intersection by your house, the kid you caught peeing in your front lawn on his way to school, anyone at all or the people down the street who had a domestic dispute on their front lawn. The list is endless. In today's post you will find some stories from some of my friends, hopefully, you will find this post humorous and you will realize that I am not the only one of my friends that has issues!
Terri of Wisconsin said...
Let's start with [insert baby daddy name here], [insert baby daddy name here]'s grandma and hell while we're at it just include the whole [insert baby daddy name here] klan. Then there's [insert name of employer]'s collection team, specifically Chi-Chi who must be hot because she's as stupid as all hell. There is my dog who has taken a liking to licking used maxi pads. And the best one, the Sales Rep in Pittsburgh who calls me at 7:01AM and wants to argue with me, because the jackass can't add but then gives me attitude.. WTF???
Proof, Instant message conversation:
Sales Rep... Then they are due the credit on the account - correct?
Terri... the credit has already been issued
Sales Rep... I know it is on there
Terri of Wisconsin said...
Let's start with [insert baby daddy name here], [insert baby daddy name here]'s grandma and hell while we're at it just include the whole [insert baby daddy name here] klan. Then there's [insert name of employer]'s collection team, specifically Chi-Chi who must be hot because she's as stupid as all hell. There is my dog who has taken a liking to licking used maxi pads. And the best one, the Sales Rep in Pittsburgh who calls me at 7:01AM and wants to argue with me, because the jackass can't add but then gives me attitude.. WTF???
Proof, Instant message conversation:
Sales Rep... Then they are due the credit on the account - correct?
Terri... the credit has already been issued
Sales Rep... I know it is on there
how in the hell did she get hired??? AND IT'S ONLY 9:17AM!
How to avoid this type of stupidity...
First, don't procreate, this will eliminate baby daddy/mama drama! Second, pets are pretty much just a bad idea. Terri failed to tell you, that her 90 lb. chocolate lab is just pretty much psychotic in general! For some reason he finds it necessary to run in circles at about 50 mph anytime anyone goes to open his living room floor. I feel like I should be wearing protective gear when I go by her place. Third, don't answer your work line (Terri works from home) until after 9am, this also works in the office. If you let it go to voicemail, call them back no sooner than 1 hour later. You can always use the line I was on a call or something. Many times you will find that by the time you call them back they have figured it out for themselves. It's great!
Mary (Terri's mom) of Wisconsin said...
Last night at work a mother came in with her twins, both of the babies had the same first name with different middle names!
How to avoid this type of stupidity...
When I worked in customer service and retail, it was best to keep as much distance between you and the customer at all times. You don't want to know too much information about them. If they have babies with them, you can say oh they are cute, but leave it at that. If you don't, you open yourself up to conversations about how to best spell Tanshahareisha, or which letters can be silent in Fallopiana. No matter the situation when all is said and done, that's five minutes of your life you will never ever get back!
Lisa of North Carolina said...
OH WOW!!! The things I could come up with....
Would you mean stupid people like the ones that call you because they are having a problem that is CRITICAL and needs to be resolved ASAP or someone's arse is on the line, but when you call them back they don't have time to talk about it?
Or would you mean stupid people that call everyone BUT you about something that only YOU know about?
Or would you mean stupid people that don't know how to control there kids in public, so you have to stand there and just plug your ears, holding back the intense urge to smack the ISH out of both mom/dad and child, because the f'in brat is screaming at the top of his/her lungs?I can go on if you need me to...
How to avoid this type of stupidity...
Now its really hard when dealing with work idiots you have to try to put them in their place all the while maintaining an acceptable level of professionalism. Unfortunately, you are not allowed to use lines such as, "Fool, are you out of your looney fucking mind!" or "WHAT THE FUCK!" Saying "WTF!" really isn't as effective, as typing it on a computer! Many times, I find it hard to formulate a full sentence that will not make me look ghetto fabulous in the eyes of corporate America, so I find it best to just not say anything and stare at them until they walk away, or if they are on the phone sit in silence until they hang up. If this doesn't work, it is best to respond to this type of stupidity by kindly reminding them of how stupid they are. In the instance where stupid people go to others for information only you can assist them with, simply restate what is occurring, say something like, "Let me understand this, you knew I was the only one that could answer this question and yet in still you went to Jim, Joe, Bob and Sue before coming to me?" Once they acknowledge that this is indeed the case, simply ask, "Why?" Many times they will just go away, or even say, "I know that was stupid." Those you can count as a victory...Score: Those endowed with Brains that use it - one....Stupid people - zip! As for the people with the kids, I say just trip the little brats, I never liked other people's kids much anyway! While you are at it, trip the parents too for being idiots!
Kye of Missouri said...
How is it that people just don't know that they are annoying. It is obvious that you are avoiding them, but they keep poppin' up. I have a lady here at work who I used to work with at my old job. Now when she gave her notice at the last job, I thought to myself "(Insert new job name here) did not check references". At the old job, this lady was written up and suspended for everything under the sun. BUT they couldn't get rid of her because they needed people to stay.
So now that she's here (we were in training together), I figured that she would consider this a fresh start. Well, that theory has gone to hell...we had only been out of training for a month and a half and she'd already been written up.
She talks really loud and is unaware of her surroundings when she talks about any and everything (ie, job, home, etc). Needless to say, she goes to the ladies room to have cell phone conversations (arrrrggghhhhh). Therefore, her naive new lunch buddies are dropping like flies.
To make a long story short.....why is it so easy for people like this to get a job in the first place?!!!!!
How to avoid this type of stupidity...
Sad to say, it is an unsolved mystery how people like this woman end up getting jobs anywhere. But there is always bound to be at least one at every job. Avoidance is really the only tactic that can be used with these type of people, until the mystery is solved and we can cure the workplace making it free of these classless idiots. Avoid eye contact and if they happen to come to your desk to find out why you aren't talking to them, pretend to be on the phone. It is always good to just keep your headset on at all times. When they arrive you can pretend to be listening intently to a conference call or a customer. Mouth something incoherent to them that looks like I will come see you when I get done, but don't. Usually they are too into the company gossip to remember by 2:00pm that you never stopped by. Also, you shouldn't have to worry about running into them in the parking lot, because everyone knows that they always try to sneak out a few minutes early, because their baby daddy is waiting for them downstairs in his old ass olds!
Melissa from Wisconsin said...…
Yesterday, I walk into the bathroom. There are three stalls...two normal size and one handicap. Someone is in the first one and it doesn't sound like it's going well for her so I opt to take the 3rd stall. Why do I open the door to find some woman sitting there doing her business. I was embarrassed at first and then realized she is the dumbass that didn't lock the door!
How to avoid this type of stupidity...
As much as we may try to do a foot check to see if there are feet under the stalls in the bathroom, this is bound to happen at one time or another. It is unknown why these idiots don't know that the little metal thing that spins around on the door was meant to latch into the other metal thing right next to the door. This is inexcusable, however I am not sure that the mystery will ever be solved. It is possibly that these type of stupid people are exhibitionist who like to be seen without clothing, but I personally don't want to see anyone, let alone a stranger, when they are taking a dump! The only thing that can really be done when you encounter a situation like this is to try to prop the door wide open as you walk away, so that any one who comes in can see the door open and say in your best Napolean Dynamite voice, "Geez lock the damn door, Tina!"
The L of Wisconsin said...
You didn't really think I wouldn't get my own stupid person moment in here did you? As I type this post, I am at my cubicle, and the idiot cell phone bandit has struck again. Now in my building my cubicle is located in the far corner of my building with windows on the front and on the side of me. This man for whatever reason, at least once a day, comes strolling down the aisle on his cell phone and stands right on the other side of the cubicle wall talking on his phone. When I say talking, he is making no attempt to lower his voice as not to disrupt others, oh hell naw, he is talking loud as hell laughing and cackling! This fool is joking right? Now first, I know we all have cell phone service issues, but this building for being 4 floors is pretty good, I have gotten on and off of elevators and not dropped a call. So service really isn't that bad in here. Second, he sounds like he is on a work related call, so if that is the case and your cell phone really does have sucky service, why not tell the person on the other end of the phone to call you on your desk phone? Wouldn't that be easier? Disrupt the other people you sit next to that are used to your loud ass. Don't come in my area bugging the shit out of me! Now I am annoyed about this guy, I mean he's so loud it is ridiculous, but even more importantly, I am in Human Resources. There is confidential information that sometimes gets discussed in my area, I do not need to worry about cell phone bandits lurking in my area eaves dropping on my conversationsaions. Go away loser!
How to avoid this type of stupidity...
I have tried a few tactics, I have tried typing really loud on my keyboard as if to remind
the bandit that people really are working around here. Well actually I am blogging, but he doesn't have to know that. I have tried the grunting/clearing throat noise. That didn't work, his ignorant ass got louder! My next move is to either post up signs that look like the picture to the right. Or I am going to grab my cell phone and go call someone anyone and stand right next to him and talk just as loud. Better yet, while he is over here on his cell phone I am going to go sit in his cube and talk on my cell phone.
Holly of Texas said...
The stupidest person I encountered in the last 24 hours was myself and here is why...
So when I make a commitment to myself or any one else, I try to live and die by it. But when it comes to getting my ass in shape, I mean dammit I want to wear a freakinÃ’ bikini for once! I have convinced myself that come hell or high-water I will be out there running my damn 4 miles.
As I am trying to sing along with my American Idols out of the corner of my eye, I see lightning and dark skies headed my way. Mentally I am trying to prepare myself for an interesting run, I even pulled out my old running shoes and changed out of my white shirt. So, 8:15 comes and I head out. I should have turned around when I got to the end of my road because it appeared that the damn lighting was within 20 feet but nope, I continue.
The sky darkens and lightens, the sky is on fire, not just lightning. For real, something damn fishy was going on. It becomes crazy windy so much that my legs were having a hard time moving and my IPOD seemed to be strangling me with the wild strings. But I continueÃ…
Next thing you know, my husband comes roaring around the corner in his truck with his horn blaring annoyingly. He jumps out and damn near hurdles me into the car. Well, a tornado touched down two miles away. I am very sad to say three lives were lost and happy to report that I was not one of those.
Please note: That before Holly's husband came and abducted her ass off of the streets, she had already run 3 miles!
How to avoid this type of stupidity...
While I just asked my friends for their stupid people story, I was not actually having a contest. If this were, however a contest Holly would have won...hands down! Now while admire her for her dedication to this weight loss trek, I have never seen in any health magazine where you are supposed to pretend that you are Dorothy, exercising in Kansas and for a challenge you should try running in tornadoes. Now I have friends of all colors shapes and sizes, however many of them know that in hearing a story such as Holly's, this is normally where I would say, "See now this is what is wrong with white people." In this case, however I don't know that anyone other than my dear friend Holly would have ever done anything like this, so for this story I will say, "See now this is that is wrong with Holly!" I am sure her husband would agree. To avoid this type of stupidity all I can say is don't be Holly. Holly I love you, I swear!
Hope you enjoyed the stories my friends have shared. Until next time, holla at ya girl!
How to avoid this type of stupidity...
First, don't procreate, this will eliminate baby daddy/mama drama! Second, pets are pretty much just a bad idea. Terri failed to tell you, that her 90 lb. chocolate lab is just pretty much psychotic in general! For some reason he finds it necessary to run in circles at about 50 mph anytime anyone goes to open his living room floor. I feel like I should be wearing protective gear when I go by her place. Third, don't answer your work line (Terri works from home) until after 9am, this also works in the office. If you let it go to voicemail, call them back no sooner than 1 hour later. You can always use the line I was on a call or something. Many times you will find that by the time you call them back they have figured it out for themselves. It's great!
Mary (Terri's mom) of Wisconsin said...
Last night at work a mother came in with her twins, both of the babies had the same first name with different middle names!
How to avoid this type of stupidity...
When I worked in customer service and retail, it was best to keep as much distance between you and the customer at all times. You don't want to know too much information about them. If they have babies with them, you can say oh they are cute, but leave it at that. If you don't, you open yourself up to conversations about how to best spell Tanshahareisha, or which letters can be silent in Fallopiana. No matter the situation when all is said and done, that's five minutes of your life you will never ever get back!
Lisa of North Carolina said...
OH WOW!!! The things I could come up with....
Would you mean stupid people like the ones that call you because they are having a problem that is CRITICAL and needs to be resolved ASAP or someone's arse is on the line, but when you call them back they don't have time to talk about it?
Or would you mean stupid people that call everyone BUT you about something that only YOU know about?
Or would you mean stupid people that don't know how to control there kids in public, so you have to stand there and just plug your ears, holding back the intense urge to smack the ISH out of both mom/dad and child, because the f'in brat is screaming at the top of his/her lungs?I can go on if you need me to...
How to avoid this type of stupidity...
Now its really hard when dealing with work idiots you have to try to put them in their place all the while maintaining an acceptable level of professionalism. Unfortunately, you are not allowed to use lines such as, "Fool, are you out of your looney fucking mind!" or "WHAT THE FUCK!" Saying "WTF!" really isn't as effective, as typing it on a computer! Many times, I find it hard to formulate a full sentence that will not make me look ghetto fabulous in the eyes of corporate America, so I find it best to just not say anything and stare at them until they walk away, or if they are on the phone sit in silence until they hang up. If this doesn't work, it is best to respond to this type of stupidity by kindly reminding them of how stupid they are. In the instance where stupid people go to others for information only you can assist them with, simply restate what is occurring, say something like, "Let me understand this, you knew I was the only one that could answer this question and yet in still you went to Jim, Joe, Bob and Sue before coming to me?" Once they acknowledge that this is indeed the case, simply ask, "Why?" Many times they will just go away, or even say, "I know that was stupid." Those you can count as a victory...Score: Those endowed with Brains that use it - one....Stupid people - zip! As for the people with the kids, I say just trip the little brats, I never liked other people's kids much anyway! While you are at it, trip the parents too for being idiots!
Kye of Missouri said...
How is it that people just don't know that they are annoying. It is obvious that you are avoiding them, but they keep poppin' up. I have a lady here at work who I used to work with at my old job. Now when she gave her notice at the last job, I thought to myself "(Insert new job name here) did not check references". At the old job, this lady was written up and suspended for everything under the sun. BUT they couldn't get rid of her because they needed people to stay.
So now that she's here (we were in training together), I figured that she would consider this a fresh start. Well, that theory has gone to hell...we had only been out of training for a month and a half and she'd already been written up.
She talks really loud and is unaware of her surroundings when she talks about any and everything (ie, job, home, etc). Needless to say, she goes to the ladies room to have cell phone conversations (arrrrggghhhhh). Therefore, her naive new lunch buddies are dropping like flies.
To make a long story short.....why is it so easy for people like this to get a job in the first place?!!!!!
How to avoid this type of stupidity...
Sad to say, it is an unsolved mystery how people like this woman end up getting jobs anywhere. But there is always bound to be at least one at every job. Avoidance is really the only tactic that can be used with these type of people, until the mystery is solved and we can cure the workplace making it free of these classless idiots. Avoid eye contact and if they happen to come to your desk to find out why you aren't talking to them, pretend to be on the phone. It is always good to just keep your headset on at all times. When they arrive you can pretend to be listening intently to a conference call or a customer. Mouth something incoherent to them that looks like I will come see you when I get done, but don't. Usually they are too into the company gossip to remember by 2:00pm that you never stopped by. Also, you shouldn't have to worry about running into them in the parking lot, because everyone knows that they always try to sneak out a few minutes early, because their baby daddy is waiting for them downstairs in his old ass olds!
Melissa from Wisconsin said...…
Yesterday, I walk into the bathroom. There are three stalls...two normal size and one handicap. Someone is in the first one and it doesn't sound like it's going well for her so I opt to take the 3rd stall. Why do I open the door to find some woman sitting there doing her business. I was embarrassed at first and then realized she is the dumbass that didn't lock the door!
How to avoid this type of stupidity...
As much as we may try to do a foot check to see if there are feet under the stalls in the bathroom, this is bound to happen at one time or another. It is unknown why these idiots don't know that the little metal thing that spins around on the door was meant to latch into the other metal thing right next to the door. This is inexcusable, however I am not sure that the mystery will ever be solved. It is possibly that these type of stupid people are exhibitionist who like to be seen without clothing, but I personally don't want to see anyone, let alone a stranger, when they are taking a dump! The only thing that can really be done when you encounter a situation like this is to try to prop the door wide open as you walk away, so that any one who comes in can see the door open and say in your best Napolean Dynamite voice, "Geez lock the damn door, Tina!"
The L of Wisconsin said...
You didn't really think I wouldn't get my own stupid person moment in here did you? As I type this post, I am at my cubicle, and the idiot cell phone bandit has struck again. Now in my building my cubicle is located in the far corner of my building with windows on the front and on the side of me. This man for whatever reason, at least once a day, comes strolling down the aisle on his cell phone and stands right on the other side of the cubicle wall talking on his phone. When I say talking, he is making no attempt to lower his voice as not to disrupt others, oh hell naw, he is talking loud as hell laughing and cackling! This fool is joking right? Now first, I know we all have cell phone service issues, but this building for being 4 floors is pretty good, I have gotten on and off of elevators and not dropped a call. So service really isn't that bad in here. Second, he sounds like he is on a work related call, so if that is the case and your cell phone really does have sucky service, why not tell the person on the other end of the phone to call you on your desk phone? Wouldn't that be easier? Disrupt the other people you sit next to that are used to your loud ass. Don't come in my area bugging the shit out of me! Now I am annoyed about this guy, I mean he's so loud it is ridiculous, but even more importantly, I am in Human Resources. There is confidential information that sometimes gets discussed in my area, I do not need to worry about cell phone bandits lurking in my area eaves dropping on my conversationsaions. Go away loser!
How to avoid this type of stupidity...
I have tried a few tactics, I have tried typing really loud on my keyboard as if to remind
the bandit that people really are working around here. Well actually I am blogging, but he doesn't have to know that. I have tried the grunting/clearing throat noise. That didn't work, his ignorant ass got louder! My next move is to either post up signs that look like the picture to the right. Or I am going to grab my cell phone and go call someone anyone and stand right next to him and talk just as loud. Better yet, while he is over here on his cell phone I am going to go sit in his cube and talk on my cell phone.Holly of Texas said...
The stupidest person I encountered in the last 24 hours was myself and here is why...
So when I make a commitment to myself or any one else, I try to live and die by it. But when it comes to getting my ass in shape, I mean dammit I want to wear a freakinÃ’ bikini for once! I have convinced myself that come hell or high-water I will be out there running my damn 4 miles.
As I am trying to sing along with my American Idols out of the corner of my eye, I see lightning and dark skies headed my way. Mentally I am trying to prepare myself for an interesting run, I even pulled out my old running shoes and changed out of my white shirt. So, 8:15 comes and I head out. I should have turned around when I got to the end of my road because it appeared that the damn lighting was within 20 feet but nope, I continue.
The sky darkens and lightens, the sky is on fire, not just lightning. For real, something damn fishy was going on. It becomes crazy windy so much that my legs were having a hard time moving and my IPOD seemed to be strangling me with the wild strings. But I continueÃ…
Next thing you know, my husband comes roaring around the corner in his truck with his horn blaring annoyingly. He jumps out and damn near hurdles me into the car. Well, a tornado touched down two miles away. I am very sad to say three lives were lost and happy to report that I was not one of those.
Please note: That before Holly's husband came and abducted her ass off of the streets, she had already run 3 miles!
How to avoid this type of stupidity...
While I just asked my friends for their stupid people story, I was not actually having a contest. If this were, however a contest Holly would have won...hands down! Now while admire her for her dedication to this weight loss trek, I have never seen in any health magazine where you are supposed to pretend that you are Dorothy, exercising in Kansas and for a challenge you should try running in tornadoes. Now I have friends of all colors shapes and sizes, however many of them know that in hearing a story such as Holly's, this is normally where I would say, "See now this is what is wrong with white people." In this case, however I don't know that anyone other than my dear friend Holly would have ever done anything like this, so for this story I will say, "See now this is that is wrong with Holly!" I am sure her husband would agree. To avoid this type of stupidity all I can say is don't be Holly. Holly I love you, I swear!
Hope you enjoyed the stories my friends have shared. Until next time, holla at ya girl!
Today's Quote:
I took up jogging to hear heavy breathing again!
~Unknown
6 Comments:
The same name thing was too funny. For those of you that don't know we do DNA testing where I work and lord I can't even go into the stupid triflinf things I see and here almost daily. Did I mention we have the Milwaukee account for the Maury show. My job is filled with stupid people.
LOL...about her running while a tornado is touching down..man I would have loved to see that
Ok, the Holly story took the cake. And, unfortunately have alternate commentary on the the rest, but I will hold them. As i'm typing, I'm still giggling (and surprisingly working). This gives me a good idea....
Oh, that's what I wanted to say. You STILL haven't considered my suggestion (because I don't advise sadly) about the cell phone bandit???? Come on, Dude needs to be Campbelled with his own phone. Launch that SOB out of the nearest window if you can crack it!
AND he was in your yard(sorry the instigator came out)!
Take wings and fly on that MF (not talking about Doom, either)
mama said, stupid is as stupid does
@vivrantnik - baby mama's and baby daddy's always make for interesting stupidity levels.
@honey-libra - i love my friend, but she's a little...shall we say...special!
@rodney - i know i said i was going to naomi him, but i think he went on vacation or something because he just disappeared and then yesterday as though he heard me calling his name, as i was typing this stupid people post, there he was!
@miss a - i was thinking that the whole time i was writing this mess!
**Dead**
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