Phat to Fabulous!

31 May 2006

Terri stop yelling at me!

So I know I haven't posted since Friday. That is no excuse to be yelling at people.......TERRI! Anywho, hola everyone, how's life?

I trust everyone had a pleasant, long holiday weekend. Mine was productive and hot as all begeezus! Apparently Mother Nature thought she should make up for the crappy rainy weather we had been having and she gave us lots of sunshine and heat. We even had to turn on the good old central air this weekend. I tried not to, but I was sweating sitting still and I couldn't take it anymore. It was freaking 95 degrees outside!

I got lots of cleaning done this weekend. I was on an organizing binge. I reorganized, my kitchen cabinets, my bathroom linen closet, my pantry, my bedroom drawers, Thing 2's closet and got rid of 5 bags of old and broken toys. New rule in my house, if we don't have all pieces to something, or if no one has touched it, looked at it or played with it in 1 year, away it goes. I can't stand the clutter that is my house. I don't know if I have ever mentioned, however 3 years ago the family and I moved into what used to be my grandparents house. Both of my grandparents are deceased and we got the gift of moving in on top of approximately 40 years worth of junk. It is a tremendous understatement to say my grandmother was a packrat. There is so much stuff in this house, we haven't even found yet, that it is ridiculous. Hopefully sometime before I am 40 I will have a clean house. Until then, I do what I can to strive towards my dream of a minimalist lifestyle. And the death march continues.

Almost reached goal number 1!
Well I didn't, but my husband did. That man was on the scale the other day complaining that he was 201 lbs. Now when I first started on my journey to a more fabulous new me, I said that 200 was my first goal marker, that would mean a total loss of 45 lbs., I am still steady struggling and working towards that goal, but my husband on the other hand has reached it jumped on it and turned around and gave it a five on the black hand side. And to top it off he is complaining that he keeps losing, since he is trying to gain weight for football. Oooooh, I can't stand....I mean I love that man!

So I see you are not in the business of making money...
So every morning I pass the same gas station near my house and it depends on the day and the weather apparently, whether or not they are open. I would hate to be sitting on "E" with that being the only close gas station because there is a 50/50 chance they will be open. Today it was closed and I left for work late today, they should have definitely been open by 8:45am. It does make for an interesting game though, everyday I try to guess whether or not they will be open, based on whether I am correct or incorrect determines which way I drive to work. So far I have a pretty good streak going.

This is what I get for staying up passed my bed time
So over the weekend in the midst of my organizing frenzy, I have also been trying to get all of the laundry done. The family and I are going to California next month to visit my dad, his wife and my brothers and I want to be able to just pull out the clothes I want to pack without searching and strategically doing 10 loads of laundry. Needless to say my washer and dryer have been running non-stop. But the options for television, even if you do have satellite, passed midnight are rather limited. I didn't feel like watching any crappy celeb gossip shows, I didn't feel like watching the star gazer guy on PBS (is that local to Milwaukee, or do other cities get that guy too?), and I didn't feel like watching and mouthing the words to another episode of Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. So I turn passed the channel FUSE (which I didn't really know existed before now) and I see on the Info at the top of the screen the show name, "Pants off, Dance off." I stopped out of curiosity thinking this isn't really what I think it is. Oh, but yes it is. After sitting with my mouth hanging open watching the rather large Dirty Martini grind around to Christina Aguilera, I could do nothing but sit in complete and total awe. Did I really just see what I think I just saw, and why am I not blind after that experience. I tried to scream, but it just came out as one of those silent screams, no real sounds just a mere whimper. Then the midget came on, this little rather scary looking vertically challenged man. I couldn't take it anymore, I couldn't find the remote fast enough. If you don't believe me that true horror like this exists, click here. MY EYES...MY EYES!

So I suppose I will take my traumatized self and go do some work. Until next time, holla at ya girl!

Today's Pic:

Image Hosted by
I am so getting one of these!

posted by Elle Jefe at 5/31/2006 11:32:00 AM 6 comments

25 May 2006

This is some bullshit!

So today I was kind of motivated! I got up and went to head to the gym, only to pull up at 5:50am to a dark building. WTF! I pull around the back of the building to see if there was anyone back there and of course the Mexicans are there. That's not a surprise. So I sit there for a second debating on if I can and want to wait. I was running late already and now this. AAAARRRRRGGH! I sat there for about 5 mins and then I turned the music back up and went *singing* Zoom Zoom Zoom right back home. I am not going to be able to get to the gym after work, Jordan has soccer practice at 6 and Chris has football practice tonight! This is some bullshit!

Congratulations to Taylor Hicks!
As much of a grumpy, disgruntled A.I. fan as I was yesterday, I was not planning on watching all 2 hours of the show, but somehow I ended up watching from beginning to end and I was only slightly disappointed. There were some really good guests on the show last night. Paris Bennett sang "We're in this Love Together" with Al Jarreau. I love that song! Chris Daughtry sang with the band "Live," Katherine McPhee performed with Meatloaf (Why I don't know he sounded like crap), Elliot Yamin performed with Mary J. Blige (no joke, my mouth was hanging open), and Taylor performed with Toni Braxton. The top 10 did a number of songs and medleys, including a Burt Bachrach medley with Burt tickling the ivories. (You don't know how many evil looks I gave to my husband when he said who's that guy? Apparently since Burt Bachrach didn't write any songs that have been covered by Mike Jones he has no clue who he is!!) Dionne Warwick came out and performed with the group and she surprisingly looked and sounded nice. She looks like she has put some weight back on which is good, because at one point a few years back I was thinking maybe she was the one that taught her niece Whitney how you get down if you know what I mean. But the total group last night was really good, I think they are the best complete group of performers that the show has had. My mother and sister-in-law both called wanting to know when we would get tickets to go to the concert. Jordan wanted to know when we go to California if we could go to American Idol, as if it is a permanent theme park or something. The highlight of the show for me, was about 15 minutes before the end of the show when who pops out! *singing* My name is Prince and I am funky! Yes, Prince performed on American Idol. I was tripping, mouth all hanging open. I love me some Prince. Like I said in yesterday's post though I didn't too much care anymore who won. But I was happy that Katherine didn't win, something about her annoys me. And while Taylor could easily could put out an album I might actually listen to, I wonder how much "Soul Patrol" the rest of America can take. I suppose only time will tell.

Just had to share
So last night after I finished finally watching Sunday's DH, I caught what I think was a new episode of the Boondocks. I am pretty sure it was a new episode, because I thought I had seen them all and I hadn't seen this one before. Anyway, this preview came on and as much as I hate "The Family Guy" I 'bout died laughing at this.

Aiight let me get my ass up out of here and get dressed for work. *whining* I don't wanna gooooooooo! You know what to do, holla at ya girl!

Pic of the day:

posted by Elle Jefe at 5/25/2006 06:33:00 AM 11 comments

24 May 2006

Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn!

So last night was the showdown between Katherine McPhee of Los Angeles and Taylor Hicks of Birmingham. And I realized as I watched the show on TiVo, that I really don't care anymore who wins. The folks I really liked on the show, Paris and Elliot, are gone, so who cares. For some reason Katherine McPhee has annoyed me since the beginning, I don't know what it is. I will say that her rendition of "Over the Rainbow" was really good, both last night and when she did it before, but I still don't like her. For as much as I like Taylor, I just don't think he is all that "pop"-y. As for last night's performances, I was honestly bored. Katherine started off the show with "Black Horse and Cherry Tree." First, they keep saying this song was in the Top 40 Billboard, now I am a music hound and I listen to a lot of stuff and I had never heard this song before she sang it. While I was glad that she wasn't bouncing around on her knees like when she sang the song before, I will say I just wanted to tell her to sit her ass down! She was just working on my nerves. After that Taylor came out and rocked "Living for the City." I really liked his performance. After that the show kind of went down hill for me. The last original song that each of them did was horrible. I don't think those songs helped either of them. They should have let Tamayra Gray keep writing her song worked for Fantasia. Oh well. We shall see tonight what happens. I think everyone is kind of assuming Taylor will when, but hell who knows. Tonight is the big 2 hour finale where everyone comes back. A little birdie told me that Paris is going to be singing with Milwaukee's own, Al Jarreau. That should be interesting, I am looking forward to that.

Kids say the darndest things...
So this morning before work I went to the grocery store, because we needed stuff for Jordan's lunches. I was planning on going last night, but by the time we left J's soccer game I just wanted to get home and eat and get in the bed. So when I was on my way home from the grocery store, I had a hilarious text message conversation with the husband, check it out...

Him: Kennedy said u were mad at me!
Me: hahahahahaha why'd she say that?
Him: I don't know then she proceeded to tell me to get out.

I was in the car dying laughing. Not sure why the two-year old thought I was mad at daddy, but she was serious. Apparently she just didn't like him this morning, because when I made it back from the grocery store, I hear her say, "Daddy no more playing football!" I laughed and asked her why? She said, "Daddy too many ow-wies!" Apparently, she has heard and or seen all of her daddy's ailments ever since he started playing football with this team and she is concerned that his injuries might infringe on her abilities to play rough with him. That child is a mess.

Google Search of the day!
Today's winner is the person from Yakima, WA who searched to find "When you hate an entire country of people" and was lead to this and took a peak at this. I hope they enjoyed and if nothing got a good chuckle. The old faithful search for hoes is still kicking strong, however it has now apparently reached overseas as someone from the UK was searching for "Cuban Hoes" when they came upon my page today. I hope they enjoyed what they found!

All I did was asked a question...
So I have been considering going back to the evil Double W's, Weight Watchers for those of you that don't know what that is. I am horrible with eating and when I did WW before I was good at keeping track of my food and I liked some of the ideas I got from other people when I went. It can't hurt right? The last time I did WW was before I got pregnant with Thing 2 and I lost about 30 lbs doing it. Then one day I realized, hold up, we are trying to have another kid, why am I wasting my time and money working so hard to lose weight when I am going to gain it all back anyway? So I stopped going. I have considered going back for sometime now but there aren't enough hours in the day. So happened to ask one of the ladies at my job that is familiar with the Weight Watchers at Work program we used to do at another location. I asked her if they were considering doing one at the new office, her response "Oh, do yoooouuuuu want to do it, I will back you up and give you whatever support you need." How the heck did me asking a question turn into me volunteering myself for some mess? See next time I am just going to keep my daggone mouth shut!

I dipped on Sandeep!
So yesterday as I was leaving work, I was walking down the hall away from my cube when I saw the lurker with laptop in hand. Fortunately for me, someone had stopped him and he was having a conversation, I just waved and kept on walking. I know his ass was probably coming to my desk, I hadn't seen him in at least a day, he probably needed a fix. I am going to find out where he sits and superglue his laptop to his docking station so he can't remove it. Maybe then he would stop showing up at my desk with it under his arm.

I'm out, holla at ya girl!

Pic of the day:
posted by Elle Jefe at 5/24/2006 01:43:00 PM 4 comments

23 May 2006

I swear I am not an emotional person... I would like to know why was I all up in front of the tv last night all up in my feelings. So I got home from work and beat the nanny home with the little ones. So I decided to turn on the final episode ever of "Charmed" that I had recorded on Sunday. I didn't watch it when it was on, because I went out to meet some friend for karaoke at this place that has a live band on Sunday nights! So I am watching it and I will say there were some points in the show where my brain hurt. We had folks from the present, from the past, from the past-past, from the future and from the present-future. Don't ask, your head will hurt...mine did! I cheered when Leo finally came back, I screamed at the tv when "Fate" took him away again, and I cheered when he came back again! All in all I felt closure with the show when all was said and done. There were no cliff hangers when the show was done I know exactly where each character stood and what things were going to happen with them and I liked that. I will miss that show! So long Piper, Pheobe and Paige. RIP Charmed (October 7, 1998 to May 21, 2006)

Lots of tv last night
So after I finished watching "Charmed" I went in the kitchen and made some chicken and broccoli stir fry for dinner, healthy and simple. While I was cooking the Oprah Winfrey Legends Ball Special came on ABC. Now I was on the phone with my mother, who of course called to see if I was watching it. Honestly, I didn't turn on the tv to watch it I had been watching Entertainment Tonight and it just so happened to come on right after it and I didn't change the channel. But I told my mother, I hope this is good, because looking at a bunch of women sitting around the table has the potential to be boring. I must say however, it was pretty good. It was great to see all of those great women in one place. I think what Oprah said on the show is very true. We take so much effort after someone has passed away to send beautiful flowers and saying great things about them, but when they are here, we never take the time to tell them what they mean and how they have affected us and made us who we are. The show was good, it was funny to be reminded of how real these women are, like when Oprah gave them each the diamond earrings and you could hear someone in the background screaming and then say, "Are they real?" Just like black folks! lol But the show was good. I was happy I watched it. I just want to know something what is Gayle's purpose. She annoys me, I want to be famous for being friends with someone famous. One of my girls needs to make it big so I can be famous off of their fame. Now that's a hustle!

RIP Alias (September 30, 2001 to May 22, 2006)
After Oprah went off, I almost completely forgot that the last episode ever of "Alias" was coming on until I saw the preview. I was kind of annoyed that it was coming on a Monday, not because I have anything to really watch on Mondays, but because I am used to my routines and this was out of my normal routine. All the tv I watched last night I realized, I never lied when I once said my TiVo will one day explode, but maybe with a bunch of my shows coming to a close I can free up the recorder a little bit? Naaaah, hell naw who am I fooling I am sure I will find some other show to get hooked on. The last 2 hours of "Alias" were gripping, tear jerking and just great! You were left with some questions, but hey maybe they will do a movie. But there was closure, I know what happens to Sydney and Vaughn and her parents and although I was disappointed in how some of the story line played out, I am happy we got to see what really wins over in the battle between free will and fate. I liked that we got to see the whole Rambaldi prophecy thing played out also. I will miss this show. I think I had a little spy girl in me! *sniffle*

Sir Lambert Koroma my account number is...
So I had always heard about these emails people had gotten from people in Africa telling them that they would transfer them millions and millions of dollars and allow them to keep a portion of it for assisting them in getting their riches out of some war torn country that was oppressing their people. Up until today, I had never received any of these messages. Oh and when I did, I laughed my ass off! Mr Koroma gave me my own little history lesson on Sierra Leone and told me the heart aching tale of how his father passed away from a heart attack after living a life helping an ousted leader and blah blah blah blah. But he got my name from some embassy or consulate apparently, and because I am a good and caring person I am going to be nice and help him transfer his $15million dollars into the US. For my kindness, I would be rewarded by being allowed to keep 25% of the $15million dollars, $3.75million. I am so torn should I give this complete and total stranger my account number in hopes I might be a millionaire at age 28? Ahhhh, hell naw, who do I look like? Booboo the fool or somebody? I have decided I am going to let him know my routing number is "12IDONTGIVEAFUCK" and my account number is "34KISSMYASS." Do you think he will get the point? Oh and by the way the email asked that I keep this correspondence on the hush for fear of what may happen to Sir Koroma and his family at the hands of them regime that ousted his father's dear friend from power. Oooops, I guess he didn't realize I was a blogger. I'm like an old refrigerator I can't keep shit in!

The Mexicans have spoken!
So I made it to the gym this morning, yay me! I had a really good workout, I did the treadmill for 30 minutes, did my abs workout and then did my weight lifting and was out in about an hour. So I was on my way over to do my weights and the Mexicans have taken up the entire weight area almost. they have stuff sprawled all over the place and the one bench that they weren't sitting on had someone's phone on it. So I politely asked if any of them was using the bench 2 of the little one's grumbled and the big one said no and came over and got his phone and then proceeded to profusely apologize. I said no problem and handed him the phone and that's when it hit me. A smack of cheap cologne at 6:10 in the morning. Just what I needed to wake me up! Are you kidding? I meant I suppose there are worse things that he could smell like early in the morning, but cheap cologne, whew almost knocked a sistah out. I tried to not pay attention to them after that, however it was hard, they were loudly talking in spanish, like no one around knew Spanish about some chick that was there with a big ass. One of them caught my eye as I chuckled and shook my head, at that point they realized maybe we should shut up that chick knows what we are saying. HAHAHAHAH! Suckers!

Can I have my life back now?
I just want to know how old do my kids have to be before get my life back. I just updated my Treo with my 6-year olds itinerary for the next few weeks and she has more stuff in my calendar than I do! That's some ish, that kid needs a car, a job and a personal assistant.

Alright folks gotta go, Thing 1 has a soccer game tonight. Gotta hit the road. Until next time, holla at ya girl!

Cartoon of the day:

posted by Elle Jefe at 5/23/2006 02:35:00 PM 7 comments

22 May 2006

And the Hustler of the Year Award goes to.....

...Trevon! So I am at work on Friday and I see my phone ring and it is my friend, Anitra, unfortunately I couldn't get to the phone since I was sitting in a meeting. So later in the evening I decide to give her a call back to see what was up. So she says she just had to call and share with me a story on what her son had done now. Now the background on Trevon is humorous to say the least, he is always finding some way to get himself in trouble and there is usually a good tale that goes along with it, this time is no different.

So Trevon goes to daycare before school, at home in the morning he eats breakfast, and he gets another breakfast at the daycare in the morning before they take him to school. At his school, as with many schools they have food meal accounts for the students. The parents put money in so that the student doesn't have to have cash at school to pay for their food, you know the deal. Well, Anitra and her husband don't put money in Trevon's account since he takes a lunch to school everyday and eats not one, but TWO breakfasts every morning. Well not that long ago they get a bill from the school cafeteria saying they owe about $15 in money for breakfasts that Trevon had been getting at school in the morning. Well of course he got in trouble and knew that he was never ever to do that again.

So about 2 weeks ago Trevon had arrived at school and was in the cafeteria crying. One of the school maintenance people happened to see him and asked him what was wrong. Trevon told the maintenance lady that he was hungry and didn't have any money, she not knowing that he had already had not one, buy TWO breakfasts that morning, told him to go to the cafeteria and get breakfast and tell the lunch lady to charge it to her account. So Trevon did just that, he went to the cafeteria got him some breakfast, got his grub on and went about his merry way. So on Friday Anitra gets a call from Trevon's teacher, telling her that they had a bit of a problem at the school and she wasn't quite sure how to address it. Apparently, since that one day two weeks ago Trevon had been getting breakfast on the maintenance lady's account every single morning. The lunch lady just so happened to ask the maintenance lady if she really wanted this little boy getting breakfast on her account every single day. She was of course caught off guard because she had only given Trevon permission to get breakfast one time, TWO WEEKS AGO! The teacher knowing that Trevon was going to get in trouble for this, tells Anitra that she was calling not for him to really get in trouble, but because the maintenance lady was trying to figure off a way for Trevon to work off his debt and they hadn't come up with anything that she would agree to let him do. Anitra's response, "Work his little butt to the bone!" I bout died laughing, I know if that had of been J, I would have been so upset not as much for her taking advantage of a hustle, because yes it is dishonest and wrong, but more so because you are at school and got these people thinking we don't feed you and can't afford to take care of you. Anitra said the same thing. I said you have to give it to him, the kid is obviously a natural born hustler.

I just had to share that story. I hope everyone had a great weekend, mine was busy, but I did a little spring cleaning. Did a little karaoke last night. I had fun. I will try to get another post up about the karaoke experience later. Until then, holla at ya girl!

Today's Quote:
Obstacles don’t have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don’t turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.
~Michael Jordan
posted by Elle Jefe at 5/22/2006 02:41:00 PM 7 comments

19 May 2006

So this is a good idea, because why?

So I just had to share, I am driving on my way home from work today. When what do I see coming down the opposite side of the road coming towards me? A silver Nissan Armada, with what appearts to be a flag pole and couch growing form behind it? It gets closer and we cross paths and I see, it is an Armada with a Tripplett and Sons pitiful looking, almost falling apart trailer stuck on the back, with what appeared to be the belongings of someone's entire small household. WTF? You can afford an Armada, but you can't afford to rent a U-Haul for $19.99 a day? I'm just saying!
posted by Elle Jefe at 5/19/2006 06:04:00 PM 7 comments

A good workout mix

So I was asked by my friend, Holly, (yes the same one that went jogging in a tornado), If I could post a list of good workout music. I will do that with a disclaimer to all that I have a very interesting taste in music sometimes, so there maybe some stuff on here that you don't like, gueess what? I don't care! :) jk, damn don't be so sensitive! So what keeps me moving at the gym? Here it goes:

This is just one of the playlists I have that I use when I work out. I will try to post some more when I get some time. What are some of the songs you can work up a good sweat to? Get your dirty mind out the gutter, not that kind of sweat! Share I need to know some other stuff I can add to my playlist.

If I don't get another post in today, everyone have a great weekend! Holla at ya girl!

Today's Pic/Comic:

posted by Elle Jefe at 5/19/2006 12:16:00 PM 9 comments

18 May 2006

Thanks Truly!

Thanks to everyone who left comments on my page letting me know your thoughts on the new template. I think it really has grown on me and I like it. Special Thanks goes out to Truly who caught the fact that 'Spoiled' was mispelled at the top of the page. Unfortunately, that was a part of the template that I loaded. Fortunately, Mija, who created the template, was nice enough to fix it for me and send me the updated gif pretty quick! Now, if we could just get that chick up there a tan! Thanks again Truly for catching that, I will see you at the karaoke mic stand Sunday! *wink*
posted by Elle Jefe at 5/18/2006 10:12:00 PM

Can you get paid to blog?

hmmm? It was just a thought. That would be a good job. Do this, which I already do and get paid for it. Someone see what you can work out for me, ok?

Go to your own damn desk!
So here I sit at my desk, minding my own business when all of a sudden here pops up my friendly Sales Compensation guy, lets call him "Sandeep." Now don't get me wrong Sandeep is a nice guy. And all in all he's pretty resourceful, he usually will try to find a way to figure out things for himself, before he comes to me with questions. So I don't mind helping him, unlike his boss who can just be a real prick sometimes. But anyway, where was I? Oh yes! He just pops up at my desk. It is only noon and I have seen him at my desk 3 times in the morning. Now let me tell you, he doesn't sit anywhere near me, not even on the same floor. I work for a company that has a decent amount of money to go around the table. I have a phone, so does he! We have an instant messenger system, where he can send me a message and I can respond instantly! That's why its called instant messenger. But yet and still he feels the need to bring his happy slappy ass, laptop in hand to my desk everytime he has a question! On top of it, he has some issues understanding personal space and I am a very picky about people invading my personal space. My friends will tell you I am not very touchy feely. I don't do hugs and shit to often. We won't even talk about how I snapped at people who wanted to rub my stomach when I was pregnant! But this guy, when he asks a question he is right there in your face. It does not help that his breath is raunchy. I am not sure what it smells like, but whatever it is, it is not good! Ugh, I am getting nauseated just thinking about it. As I try to be nice, and keep my job, I try to just answer his questions as quickly as possible so he can just go back from whence he came. I am about two heavy breaths from telling him to "Bacdafucup" like Onyx though! Go to your own desk and call me, something. Poof, be gone!

Crunch - Cardio Dance Blast!
So the girls and I made a run to our favorite place Target! We had some gift cards to spend, that were just burning a hole in our pockets. So we headed to the video aisle, I figured each of the girls could get a video. I started looking at the fitness videos, since I have been thinking I needed something else to do at home for the days that I don't make it to the gym. Well J picked out for mommy the Crunch - Cardio Dance Blast! Saying to me sweetly, "Mommy, I will exercise with you!" So I bought it we went home got dinner started and popped it in. We actually had fun. Jordan was keeping up, Kennedy was bouncing all over the place. It was cool and I broke a good sweat! I think this one is a keeper. This one will actually go in the DVD cabinet and not in the pile of DVDs that were purchased and watched once if that! The chick in the video is peppy, but not sickeningly peppy like some of the others. The only thing that weirds me out about her is the fact that she uses the word booty a little too much! But other than that I think I can stomach her. Not bad for $12.99 plus a free pedometer!

Watch full episodes of some of your favorite ABC shows online...
So I was excited to hear that ABC offers full downloads of some of my favorite shows on their website for FREE! If you go here you can download the full seasons of Alias and Commander and Chief, as well as the last 4 Episodes of Lost and the last 3 episodes of Desperate Housewives. Unfortunately, the firewall from work of course blocks my ability to download these at work, but this will come in handy on nights when I might forget to set the TiVo or if I haven't been watching a show and I want to go back and catch up. I just figured I would share.

Word of the Day!
So today as I was prowling my daily blogs I have determined that "asscrumb" is going to be my word of the day! As in, the guy that used the last of the tea bags in the breakroom and doesn't replace them is a real asscrumb! Go forth and use it freely!

The Stupidest Yahoo! Search of the Week winner is...
the person from Hayward, CA that found my site by searching for "Pictures of Tyra Banks Butt Dimples." Surprisingly, that person spent a whole 3 minutes and 20 seconds on my site even after they realized I didn't have any pictures of Tyra's butt dimples. Still in the running is the ever-so-popular "Phat Ass Hoes" search. It is amazing what people would put into a search engine and how and why my site seems to come up.

I was sucked in...
After reading Miss A's weekly America's Next Top Model Recap, ProfessorGQ's interviews with the booted models and being scolded by both my mother and one of my best friends for calling when they are watching ANTM, I will honestly say I was interested to learn who would win the final battle. I had through everyone and from the pics I had seen, become a fan of Danielle. After watching 2 minutes of the show last night, I couldn't stand Jade. And Joanie looked boring. I was happy to see Danielle win the whole thing she really deserved it, with her country self!

Alright folks, I am out of here. Until next time, holla at ya girl!

Pic of the day....instead of a quote...

posted by Elle Jefe at 5/18/2006 11:50:00 AM 8 comments

Tell me what you think!

So obviously, you noticed I changed the template for my blog. Tell me your thoughts, and be honest, because I am not completely sold yet!

Holla at ya girl!
posted by Elle Jefe at 5/18/2006 07:32:00 AM 9 comments

17 May 2006

OK, you my dear are just trifflin'!

Hola good peoples! So I have been busy as hell at work lately and there have not been enough hours in the day to post, but I since I finally finished the report I had been working on since 8 am and it is now 2:30, I thought I would slack off for a little bit.

So I have been trying to force my butt to get out of the bed in the mornings to get to the gym, before work. Somedays I have been successful, other days well not that much! Today, however when my alarm went off I sprung into action, right after I hit the snooze button 3 times. But I pulled my self up, tossed on some clothes, pulled the hair back and headed to the gym in the wee hours of the morning. Now I like going to the gym early, no need to drag to the kids. No need to take multiple showers everyday, water conservation! No waiting to eat dinner until after I get home from the gym, we eat dinner at normal times now! No trouble finding a parking spot or dealing with non-drivers in the gym parking lot. Plus, the best bonus, I can pretty much do whatever with my evenings. If the girls and I want to run to the store or take a walk, we can do it and it won't be dark when we make it home! It's great! It just makes more sense, especially since Jordan's soccer started back now too.

So anyways back on track. Today I go to the gym, I am getting my groove on got my headphones on watching ESPN and I am in the zone. I get through my abs workout and my weights and I head to the locker room to head out. Now there is this chick that got to the gym right around the same time as I did. We got on the treadmill at about the same time, and apparently finished up around the same time. I see her in the locker room, she's grabbing her stuff from her locker and she takes her clothes and goes into one of the bathroom stalls, walking right past the showers. Now when I say she grabbed her clothes, I mean her work clothes she walked in that stall as though she was getting dressed for work without washing her ass after having just ran on a treadmill for 30 minutes and who knows what else she did in that gym for the other 30 minutes. Is she kidding? Does she think that she will not emit an odor? No, ewww, I don't care who you are if you just finished working out for an hour, you need to wash your ass. That's just nasty and downright trifflin'! Oh am I glad I don't work wherever the hell she was headed to, not only is there going to be a stench, but someone has to look at her obvious fashion "Oh My GAWD!" of the pastel pink pants! She knows she needs to stop!

Other than that, my workout this morning was good. I still had the regular grunting Mexicans, who have an interesting way of spotting each other when they are doing free weights. Like one little Mexican pretty much takes his entire little body and wraps it around this other slightly larger Mexican and apparently that's spotting. Looks like two people trying to lift 400lbs. if you ask me! The whole visual is just bad, especially when you add the audio of the loud grunts! Like Arsenio Hall used to say back in the day, "Things that make you say, hmmmmmmm?"

Aiight time to get back to work. I will try to be more regular with posts the rest of this week. Until then, holla at ya girl!

Today's Quote:
If nature had intended our skeletons to be visible it would have put them on the outside of our bodies.
~Elmer Rice
posted by Elle Jefe at 5/17/2006 02:26:00 PM 2 comments

11 May 2006

Short post today!

So I don't have a lot of time today, I have been in report hell! But I just wanted to hop on and share a few things.

Baked Cheetos don't suck!
So I am trying to be good about this weight loss thing, but the one killer is I love to snack. I like rice cakes (the flavored ones like the Idle Receptionist) and I admit the the 100-calorie packs aren't all that bad, but I have never been a fan of the baked chips. The Baked Lays taste like broke Pringles to me. So today when faced with a drawer of only Cream of Wheat and no snacks, I ventured to the vending machine, vowing to be good. So I see that my favorite SmartPop White Cheddar popcorn is out. Which really isn't that bad a snack one bag has about 160 calories I think, so an ok snack. When low and behold my eyes see the Baked Cheetos. Now normally I wouldn't even give it a second thought, Baked = Nasty right? I thought well maybe since it isn't a potato chip it might be ok. So I reluctantly plug the machine with my $0.80 thinking if this shit is nasty, I want my money back. So I get back to my desk, thinking that was the last change I had, if this sucks, I am just going to have to deal with it until I get home. I open the package and pop one in my mouth and it was as if the heavens had opened and the angels had begun to sing. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh! They tasted normal! Slightly less cheesy than your average Cheeto, but nothing distinctly gross about them. I might be able to hang with Chester on these. We might just be alright! Who'd a thunk it, hey?

Summerfest Update!
Today it was announced that at the Potawatomi stage at Summerfest this summer I'll be able to get my Jesus on, I know I am expecting lightening strikes any moment, and see Fred Hammond on July 2nd. Also, blessing the stage on July 6th will be Floetry. I must say as much as I hate winters in Wisconsin, I live for Summerfest and all of the annual ethnic festivals that bring such great talent to the city.

Audi 5000!
I'm out, got to finish up some stuff since I am doing more volunteer work tomorrow. Man , I love a company that pays you to do this stuff! Holla at ya girl!

Today's Quote:
Jogging is good for your heart, but it sure does make your feet mad!
posted by Elle Jefe at 5/11/2006 03:02:00 PM 8 comments

10 May 2006

I see stupid people...

...they're everywhere! Unfortunately, we are all surrounded by them and have to deal with them everyday. I have asked some friends for some help today. I have asked them to take a moment to share their story of the stupidest person that they have encountered recently. I asked that they try to narrow it down to the past 24 hours, because I know how hard it is to find the one most stupid person, since we all encounter so many of them day to day. There are always just too many to name...the idiot that cut you off at the intersection by your house, the kid you caught peeing in your front lawn on his way to school, anyone at all or the people down the street who had a domestic dispute on their front lawn. The list is endless. In today's post you will find some stories from some of my friends, hopefully, you will find this post humorous and you will realize that I am not the only one of my friends that has issues!

Terri of Wisconsin said...
Let's start with [insert baby daddy name here], [insert baby daddy name here]'s grandma and hell while we're at it just include the whole [insert baby daddy name here] klan. Then there's [insert name of employer]'s collection team, specifically Chi-Chi who must be hot because she's as stupid as all hell. There is my dog who has taken a liking to licking used maxi pads. And the best one, the Sales Rep in Pittsburgh who calls me at 7:01AM and wants to argue with me, because the jackass can't add but then gives me attitude.. WTF???

Proof, Instant message conversation:
Sales Rep... Then they are due the credit on the account - correct?
Terri... the credit has already been issued
Sales Rep... I know it is on there
how in the hell did she get hired??? AND IT'S ONLY 9:17AM!

How to avoid this type of stupidity...
First, don't procreate, this will eliminate baby daddy/mama drama! Second, pets are pretty much just a bad idea. Terri failed to tell you, that her 90 lb. chocolate lab is just pretty much psychotic in general! For some reason he finds it necessary to run in circles at about 50 mph anytime anyone goes to open his living room floor. I feel like I should be wearing protective gear when I go by her place. Third, don't answer your work line (Terri works from home) until after 9am, this also works in the office. If you let it go to voicemail, call them back no sooner than 1 hour later. You can always use the line I was on a call or something. Many times you will find that by the time you call them back they have figured it out for themselves. It's great!

Mary (Terri's mom) of Wisconsin said...
Last night at work a mother came in with her twins, both of the babies had the same first name with different middle names!

How to avoid this type of stupidity...
When I worked in customer service and retail, it was best to keep as much distance between you and the customer at all times. You don't want to know too much information about them. If they have babies with them, you can say oh they are cute, but leave it at that. If you don't, you open yourself up to conversations about how to best spell Tanshahareisha, or which letters can be silent in Fallopiana. No matter the situation when all is said and done, that's five minutes of your life you will never ever get back!

Lisa of North Carolina said...
OH WOW!!! The things I could come up with....

Would you mean stupid people like the ones that call you because they are having a problem that is CRITICAL and needs to be resolved ASAP or someone's arse is on the line, but when you call them back they don't have time to talk about it?

Or would you mean stupid people that call everyone BUT you about something that only YOU know about?

Or would you mean stupid people that don't know how to control there kids in public, so you have to stand there and just plug your ears, holding back the intense urge to smack the ISH out of both mom/dad and child, because the f'in brat is screaming at the top of his/her lungs?I can go on if you need me to...

How to avoid this type of stupidity...
Now its really hard when dealing with work idiots you have to try to put them in their place all the while maintaining an acceptable level of professionalism. Unfortunately, you are not allowed to use lines such as, "Fool, are you out of your looney fucking mind!" or "WHAT THE FUCK!" Saying "WTF!" really isn't as effective, as typing it on a computer! Many times, I find it hard to formulate a full sentence that will not make me look ghetto fabulous in the eyes of corporate America, so I find it best to just not say anything and stare at them until they walk away, or if they are on the phone sit in silence until they hang up. If this doesn't work, it is best to respond to this type of stupidity by kindly reminding them of how stupid they are. In the instance where stupid people go to others for information only you can assist them with, simply restate what is occurring, say something like, "Let me understand this, you knew I was the only one that could answer this question and yet in still you went to Jim, Joe, Bob and Sue before coming to me?" Once they acknowledge that this is indeed the case, simply ask, "Why?" Many times they will just go away, or even say, "I know that was stupid." Those you can count as a victory...Score: Those endowed with Brains that use it - one....Stupid people - zip! As for the people with the kids, I say just trip the little brats, I never liked other people's kids much anyway! While you are at it, trip the parents too for being idiots!

Kye of Missouri said...
How is it that people just don't know that they are annoying. It is obvious that you are avoiding them, but they keep poppin' up. I have a lady here at work who I used to work with at my old job. Now when she gave her notice at the last job, I thought to myself "(Insert new job name here) did not check references". At the old job, this lady was written up and suspended for everything under the sun. BUT they couldn't get rid of her because they needed people to stay.

So now that she's here (we were in training together), I figured that she would consider this a fresh start. Well, that theory has gone to hell...we had only been out of training for a month and a half and she'd already been written up.

She talks really loud and is unaware of her surroundings when she talks about any and everything (ie, job, home, etc). Needless to say, she goes to the ladies room to have cell phone conversations (arrrrggghhhhh). Therefore, her naive new lunch buddies are dropping like flies.

To make a long story short.....why is it so easy for people like this to get a job in the first place?!!!!!

How to avoid this type of stupidity...
Sad to say, it is an unsolved mystery how people like this woman end up getting jobs anywhere. But there is always bound to be at least one at every job. Avoidance is really the only tactic that can be used with these type of people, until the mystery is solved and we can cure the workplace making it free of these classless idiots. Avoid eye contact and if they happen to come to your desk to find out why you aren't talking to them, pretend to be on the phone. It is always good to just keep your headset on at all times. When they arrive you can pretend to be listening intently to a conference call or a customer. Mouth something incoherent to them that looks like I will come see you when I get done, but don't. Usually they are too into the company gossip to remember by 2:00pm that you never stopped by. Also, you shouldn't have to worry about running into them in the parking lot, because everyone knows that they always try to sneak out a few minutes early, because their baby daddy is waiting for them downstairs in his old ass olds!

Melissa from Wisconsin said...…
Yesterday, I walk into the bathroom. There are three stalls...two normal size and one handicap. Someone is in the first one and it doesn't sound like it's going well for her so I opt to take the 3rd stall. Why do I open the door to find some woman sitting there doing her business. I was embarrassed at first and then realized she is the dumbass that didn't lock the door!

How to avoid this type of stupidity...
As much as we may try to do a foot check to see if there are feet under the stalls in the bathroom, this is bound to happen at one time or another. It is unknown why these idiots don't know that the little metal thing that spins around on the door was meant to latch into the other metal thing right next to the door. This is inexcusable, however I am not sure that the mystery will ever be solved. It is possibly that these type of stupid people are exhibitionist who like to be seen without clothing, but I personally don't want to see anyone, let alone a stranger, when they are taking a dump! The only thing that can really be done when you encounter a situation like this is to try to prop the door wide open as you walk away, so that any one who comes in can see the door open and say in your best Napolean Dynamite voice, "Geez lock the damn door, Tina!"

The L of Wisconsin said...
You didn't really think I wouldn't get my own stupid person moment in here did you? As I type this post, I am at my cubicle, and the idiot cell phone bandit has struck again. Now in my building my cubicle is located in the far corner of my building with windows on the front and on the side of me. This man for whatever reason, at least once a day, comes strolling down the aisle on his cell phone and stands right on the other side of the cubicle wall talking on his phone. When I say talking, he is making no attempt to lower his voice as not to disrupt others, oh hell naw, he is talking loud as hell laughing and cackling! This fool is joking right? Now first, I know we all have cell phone service issues, but this building for being 4 floors is pretty good, I have gotten on and off of elevators and not dropped a call. So service really isn't that bad in here. Second, he sounds like he is on a work related call, so if that is the case and your cell phone really does have sucky service, why not tell the person on the other end of the phone to call you on your desk phone? Wouldn't that be easier? Disrupt the other people you sit next to that are used to your loud ass. Don't come in my area bugging the shit out of me! Now I am annoyed about this guy, I mean he's so loud it is ridiculous, but even more importantly, I am in Human Resources. There is confidential information that sometimes gets discussed in my area, I do not need to worry about cell phone bandits lurking in my area eaves dropping on my conversationsaions. Go away loser!

How to avoid this type of stupidity...
I have tried a few tactics, I have tried typing really loud on my keyboard as if to remind the bandit that people really are working around here. Well actually I am blogging, but he doesn't have to know that. I have tried the grunting/clearing throat noise. That didn't work, his ignorant ass got louder! My next move is to either post up signs that look like the picture to the right. Or I am going to grab my cell phone and go call someone anyone and stand right next to him and talk just as loud. Better yet, while he is over here on his cell phone I am going to go sit in his cube and talk on my cell phone.

Holly of Texas said...
The stupidest person I encountered in the last 24 hours was myself and here is why...

So when I make a commitment to myself or any one else, I try to live and die by it. But when it comes to getting my ass in shape, I mean dammit I want to wear a freakinÂ’ bikini for once! I have convinced myself that come hell or high-water I will be out there running my damn 4 miles.

As I am trying to sing along with my American Idols out of the corner of my eye, I see lightning and dark skies headed my way. Mentally I am trying to prepare myself for an interesting run, I even pulled out my old running shoes and changed out of my white shirt. So, 8:15 comes and I head out. I should have turned around when I got to the end of my road because it appeared that the damn lighting was within 20 feet but nope, I continue.

The sky darkens and lightens, the sky is on fire, not just lightning. For real, something damn fishy was going on. It becomes crazy windy so much that my legs were having a hard time moving and my IPOD seemed to be strangling me with the wild strings. But I continueÂ…
Next thing you know, my husband comes roaring around the corner in his truck with his horn blaring annoyingly. He jumps out and damn near hurdles me into the car. Well, a tornado touched down two miles away. I am very sad to say three lives were lost and happy to report that I was not one of those.

Please note: That before Holly's husband came and abducted her ass off of the streets, she had already run 3 miles!

How to avoid this type of stupidity...
While I just asked my friends for their stupid people story, I was not actually having a contest. If this were, however a contest Holly would have won...hands down! Now while admire her for her dedication to this weight loss trek, I have never seen in any health magazine where you are supposed to pretend that you are Dorothy, exercising in Kansas and for a challenge you should try running in tornadoes. Now I have friends of all colors shapes and sizes, however many of them know that in hearing a story such as Holly's, this is normally where I would say, "See now this is what is wrong with white people." In this case, however I don't know that anyone other than my dear friend Holly would have ever done anything like this, so for this story I will say, "See now this is that is wrong with Holly!" I am sure her husband would agree. To avoid this type of stupidity all I can say is don't be Holly. Holly I love you, I swear!

Hope you enjoyed the stories my friends have shared. Until next time, holla at ya girl!

Today's Quote:
I took up jogging to hear heavy breathing again!
posted by Elle Jefe at 5/10/2006 10:46:00 AM 6 comments

09 May 2006

Today I didn't even have to use my A.K., I got to say it was a good day!

Ok, so I suppose I don't usually carry my A.K. to work, but there have been some times when it would have really come in handy, if I had one, I suppose. Oh well, the last day or so has been relatively quiet. There have been some systems down and a few people who have tried to test my nerves, but I am not letting them bug me. Not going to let it happen.

Dance with you heart and a ballerina you shall be...
So this weekend was J's bday party, we had it at her dance studio with 9 of her closest pals. Damn am I happy that kids only have birthdays once a year, because everytime we do this, I am reminded how much I can't stand other people's kids! UGH! I get the chills just thinking about it. But everyone had fun, especially J so that's what matters. And, Kennedy had fun too. She always sees her big sister go to class on Saturdays, so when she got to wear her little ballerina outfit she kept running around telling everyone that she was in class. It was too cute.

Time for another bout!
Yesterday was my first day back in the ring with this whole weight loss thing. I didn't make it to the gym, because I hate going on Mondays, because everyone remembers on Mondays that they ate for shit all weekend and decide to hit the gym come Monday. Instead I took advantage of the good weather and took the girls for a walk. Actually, we went on two, because when we got back to the house the girls and I played outside for a while before Daddy got home and J asked if we could take one more walk before going in, so we did. They had a ball and were beat by the time we made it back in the house. It was good to just kick it back and relax with the kids.

This morning I got up and at 'em though, I headed to the gym at 5:30 this morning, because J was supposed to start back to soccer this afternoon. Just found out it was cancelled, because it is supposed to rain later. I noticed that when you get up that early you are almost too tired to pay attention to what anyone around you is doing. This might be good. Although as I was doing my weights I was slightly disturbed by the loud grunting that was coming the middle of a group of guys by the Smith bar. Then I realized that one guy was lift about 400 lbs. Yeah that's a good reason to grunt I suppose, a lot better than the reason that was going through my head!
UPDATE: Oh yeah I almost forgot to scream about Common at Summerfest at the Harley Davidson Roadhouse Stage opening night Thursday, June 29th! Chris Brown on July 7th for the youngin's.

This is a short post today, because blogger was being stupid earlier. I will be back tomorrow though, my whole team is out of the office, so it is relatively quiet! I will definitely take that! Until then, holla at ya girl!

Today's Quote:
The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.
posted by Elle Jefe at 5/09/2006 01:17:00 PM 4 comments

05 May 2006

Dude, why are you all up in my window?

So I am on my daily trek into the office today. Rolling in the Mazda, music blaring, me singing, window cracked, seems like a normal day. so I get to a stop light and me and Kirk Franklin are getting down, and I get a glimpse out of my left eye and notice that I am being stared at. I try to do the cordial acknowledging what's up bro, head nod. And then I proceed to go about my business singing just slightly quieter. This man yells out his window, don't stop on my behalf you was working it out girl, sang that song! Errrrr!??! Why are you all up in the 3 with me and Kirk? If this was an attempt to hit on me, it is not that effective as you are hanging out the passenger window of a broke down old ass olds (that's how they roll in Milwaukee, I will never understand!) with rust spots that appear to spell out "Help me!" Me and Kirk were minding our own business and here you go. At that moment the light just couldn't change fast enough. Are you kidding me? I need to come up with an action plan for such encounters in the future. I will always be singing in the car with my radio, I can't help it. My friends know I love to sing, I am not very secretly a karaoke head!

So I haven't stopped working at the whole weight loss thing. I have still been trying to hit the gym every chance I get this past week or two though. It has been very hard with my bday and J's. So I am already knowing that it is time get back at it with a vengeance as I am under the 3 month mark to the Bana! I did feel slightly accomplished today though. I put on a shirt I haven't worn for a while. It's a button down shirt that I haven't worn for a while, because well I couldn't button the damned thing! Well I am so happy to report that today I am wearing the shirt and have buttoned it and no one's eye has gotten popped out from flying buttons! YAY! Baby steps y'all.

Can it be summer now?
So in my everlasting desire for summer to arrive as of yesterday, I decided to hop on the Summerfest website to see what acts have been announced for the festival this year. For those of you that don't know Summerfest is a 11-day music festival here in Milwaukee. Actually, it is the world's largest music festival, 39 years running. It is held every year on the lake front in downtown Milwaukee, there are 10 stages, one with paid shows all the others have live performances and bands for free with admission every night of the festival. As with everything else in Milwaukee, there is also, of course, lots of beer and food. I have been there and seen a number of people on the free stages over the years including: Common, Talib Kweli, India.Arie, Montell Jordan, Temptations, Doobie Brothers, Hall and Oates, Dave Koz, and Cameo. At the larger paid stage, I have seen Prince, Kool and the Gang, Carlos Santana, Nas, Faith Evans and a bunch of others. This year the big R&B show that will be at the larger stage is Mary J. Blige. At the smaller stages, they are still announcing acts, but so far I see that Anthony Hamilton will be there on July 6th. I will have to keep posted on who else will make an appearance this year. I have added a link directly to the Summerfest site that will update with news if people are interested in when shows are announced. I can't wait!

Gotta go play with the kiddies!
Today is my last day of Junior Achievement with my 2nd grade class. I have to get out of here to go talk to the babies. Y'all have a great weekend and until next time, holla at ya girl!

Some stupid stuff I came across:

Today's Quote:
My advice if you insist on slimming: Eat as much as you like-just don't swallow it.
~Harry Secombe
posted by Elle Jefe at 5/05/2006 11:08:00 AM 11 comments

04 May 2006

The Helpless Desk!

So some of you may remember some time ago when I decided that I hated the entire country of India due to a bad experience with the idiots at Dell. Well today is no different. I get to work and can't get into Outlook. Mind you this has become an everday battle for me, why should today be any different. Now, pretty much everything I do in my job requires me to have access to my Outlook. I think I have already quit about 20 times this morning and I haven't been here an hour yet. So after about the thirtieth time of getting this rather undescript error message, I finally decide to call the helpless desk, as I like to refer to them. Now upon first calling the help desk, you are lead to think that just maybe you will speak to someone that might actually be located in the US that actually speaks English, because you get this friendly voice of a woman who says, "Thank you for calling the [insert company name] helpdesk. Please listen to the following options carefully as the menu may have changed." Now they say this everytime I call, no matter how often I call this broad seems to think the menu MAY have changed, either it has or it hasn't and as she lives in the menu, shouldn't she know if someone has been in there messing with things? You would think! Anyway, so I listen to the menu, none of the options say "If your email is fucked up and you can't do any gotdang work until we get off of our lazy asses and fix it," so I opt for pressing 9, which indicates for all other callers, I guess that's me. So this is where my hope appears to be fading, I get another hold message this time a lady who speaks English and uses the correct words, but sounds like she may really not be Valerie, but more a Vipin Chib! Catch my drift! So I then, am put on hold, now this is further than I have gotten on other days where I haven't even gotten the very American sounding woman at the beginning of the menu, there is a message that more often says, "Yes, we know the system is fucked up, stop calling us so we can pretend to give 2 damns and try to do something about it!" So I figure well maybe I will get somewhere with this today. Finally, I can tell the line has connected and I hear "Thank you for calling the [insert company name] helpdesk, may I pwease have your empwoyee number?" I give him that, he says, "and am I speaking with George?" Now this is not the first time this has happened to me. I don't know who George is or if his number is very similar to mine, but I struggle to keep from saying, "Muthafucka do I sound like a George?" We go back and forth he finally gets it that I am not George, I tell him I can't get into my email, and his response, "Yes ma'am (I hate when people call me ma'am), the serwers are down right at the moment, wet me just check to see which serwer you are on. (I wait, he comes back to the phone.) Yes, ma'am (I hate that fucking word) the serwer that you are on is curwently down. All teams are curwently working on this and there is no ETA." I am pretty sure when he put me on hold he went to go grab his script, so he could make sure to say exactly what the people wanted him to say. Why is there never an ETA when I call the helpless desk? And who are these teams that are working on it? Where are they? Is it Ray-Ray and 'nem that I saw chillin' in the cafeteria, because if so my faith is dwindling. Ooooh, why me! Anyway an hour later, I finally got into my email and awaiting me was an email from the helpless desk asking me to rate my mama always said if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. I deleted the email.

So I needed some motivation and a kick in the ass...
I have enlisted the help of someone that has been through what I am going through with this weight loss thing. I was reading my regular dailies yesterday and thanks to some hater out there in blogland, Bklyndiva was obliged to post a few before and after pics of herself. That girl is definitely doing the damn thang. She looks like a completely different person. So I sent her an email and asked her for some advice and she was so kind as to ask me a few questions and give me a few pointers. She is going to be my buddy to give me a swift kick in the ass when I need it, which hopefully won't be as often as I could have used one over the past few weeks. I will keep you posted.

Paris Bennett is gone!
That little 17 year old girl has some pipes and America voted her off! I personally am ti-red of Katherine McPhee and I am ready for her ass to go home. I think Katherine's second song on Tuesday saved her, because her first one was horrendous. Paris did the damn thing though with that Mary J. song. My 6 year old was at the table rocking back and forth singing along like she was on stage. I was too upset when Elliott and Paris were the 2 in the bottom, because those are my two favorites. I can't get too upset about it though, for one I fell asleep before I got a chance to vote for either of them and second, Paris is going to end up on someone's record label somewhere regardless. Au revoir, Paris!

I gots to do me some work...
Not that I really want to, but there are some people here who think that I come to work to work! I don't know what the fuck their problem is, but I figure I will go ahead and appease them so that they can stop showing up at my desk asking me questions like I am supposed to know the answers or something. I mean usually I do, but why would they just assume some shit like that, you know? I'm out, y'all, holla at ya girl!

Today's Quote:
We all get heavier as we get older because, there's a lot more information in our heads. That's my story and I'm sticking to it!!
posted by Elle Jefe at 5/04/2006 09:04:00 AM 8 comments

02 May 2006

*singing* Happy Birthday to meeeeeee!

So your girl is back, I think I am done recovering from my long weekend of birthday festivities. Do I feel another year wiser? Hmmm well not really since at least one night this weekend ended with me with my head in a garbage bag by the side of my bed. Do I feel another year older? Hellmuthafreakinyeah, I am getting too old for this shit!

So when we last left the L, it was Tuesday. Well last week at work was a monster. Lots of stuff going on keeping me busy and J came with me to work for "Bring Your Kid To Work" Day. She kept me busy, drawing pictures and introducing her to people and taking her to lunch. But at the end of the day she said "Mom, I didn't get bored not once today!" That was a feat, because I already had a plan in place that if she began to whine and get bored that since it was dad's day off, we would be calling him in for a rescue and recovery mission. But we aborted that plan as she found plenty to do. She found a drawer I had of promotional materials, t-shirts and notepads, so she ransacked that drawer. Plus, she had a strange infatuation with the 3-hole punch. Whatever works I guess. Having J at work with me on Thursday made Wednesday and Friday that much more busy and Friday I worked from home in celebration of my day, and because I was lazy and didn't feel like attempting to get dressed until I damn well pleased!

Martinis, anyone?
So Friday night, the ladies and I had one of our Ladies Night Out in celebration of my bday! The plan, meet up for martinis at this spot here in Milwaukee that has $5 martinis on Fridays. Its great the entire martini menu $5! Flirtinis all day long boy! So we met up there had a few appetizer, and I look out the window and see my guy who's birthday party we had gone to the weekend before, he sees us and comes in to tell us that they are on their way to a club where they are meeting up with some folks from high school. The club they are going to is closer to home than where we were initially going to go and they are having hip hop night in the martini bar. Sounds like something I can handle. We pay our bill and head over that way. We get there and walk in I order my Hen and Red Bull and sit back and relax. 6 or 7 tall Hen and Red Bulls later (more Hen than Red Bull), I am on the dance floor getting my groove on inviting my new friend, "White Girl Kym," with the cool ass tattoos to my cookout the next evening and exchanging phone numbers with her. WTF? My babysitters for the night are fired, although the girl did seem cool. "White Girl Kym" and I may have set up dates to go get new tattoos also, but I am not completely sure of that. Anywho needless to say I had fun, I made it home managed to get my contacts out, find the bed and a plastic bag to keep next to my head and went to sleep. Note to the youngins: A real lady never throws up in public and I am a fuckin' lady!

*singing* Go L, it's ya birthday, Go L, it's ya birthday! (Luke style, fuck 50!)
Saturday arrives, feeling like crap I get up get the girls situated and get out the house to make it to Sam's Club to meet Nicole (the one with the Sam's membership) and Kevin (the other birthday boy) to get stuff for the cookout. Mind you the weather man is reporting rain, screw them ain't no rain drops going to stop my bday! We come out of Sam's Club $360 later with enough food and alcohol to throw down for real! I leave there head out for my taxi mom duties, getting Jordan to ballet, then I have to drop food off to my guys house, where we are having the cookout, while she is in class. I go back get J from class, rush home to meet my mother in law who is taking her to go bowling, one kid down one to go. I feed Kennedy, get her down for a nap and try to start getting ready. I pull out the clothes to try to decide what look I am going for today, am I going for the cute girly look, am I doing the old faithful jeans and a t-shirt or am I going old school, Adidas jogging suit and shell toes. I opted for old school and donned the Adidas jogging suit with the shell toes. Put on some face did the hurh and got the girls an overnight bag packed. When Kennedy got up I changed her and got her ready so when Jordan got home we could rush right out and get to my mom's house so that I could drop them off.

Its four o'clock and I replay in my mind to make sure I have done all that I need to do before heading over to the spot to start making sure stuff is set over there. Kids dropped off, check. Shopping done, check. Alcohol purchased, check. Last minute calls and invites done, check. Looking freshazimiz, check. Alright, time to head to the east my brother to the east! I get there the food is going the game is on music is already popping. Time to do the damn thang. And oh did we, we had food spread across two tables, and friends all around we had a good time. I gots me a bottle of Hennessey and a Cohiba for presents, no I don't smoke, those are for special occasions only. Someone realized after the gathering got going that no one had gotten a birthday cake and all of a sudden I see someone walking behind Kevin and I with a plate and candles coming out of them. They sent someone to the liquor store to get some candles, and whatever they could find, so the only thing the liquor store apparently had were some Little Debbie's Brownies, so they come in with 2 LD Brownies with candles stuck in them. It was hilarious, I decided that in order to stay on my path to a thinner me that I would be completely unselfish and share my cake with everyone. So I proceeded to cut it into little itty bitty pieces and offer it to everyone. No, I wasn't drunk ask any of my friends this is normal behavior for me. I was being generous shit, last time I do that! lol Anyway the last of the crowd finally cleared out at about 12:30-1 am and the husband and I made our way home and pretty literally pass out!

So the husband and I awaken on a rainy Sunday morning and almost sit straight up in the bed, how in the hell was it 10 am already? My mom hadn't called cussing talking about come and get your kids yet, and he had football practice in 1 hour on the other side of town. So we get situated, he heads to practice, I head to go get the kids. Pick them up from my mom who is about ready to toss them out the front door, especially the little one. I get the girls and we go to the grocery store to buy stuff to make cupcakes. Jordan's birthday is 2 days after mine so on Monday she had to take a treat to school. Anyone that knows me I don't cook, I don't bake, I pretty much don't do any of the domestic shit that a mom really should. Never the less I attempted to bake. 35 cupcakes and 1 cake later...this is what we had!
Not half bad for an amateur, huh? I am posting pictures, because anyone who knows me would not believe this without proof.
Happy Birthday Jordan!
So after hard slaving over a stove, yesterday was my oldest's 6th bday. Wow how big she is getting! Happy Birthday baby!

Until next time peeps, holla at ya girl!

Today's Quote:

**well really its not a quote at all, but very fitting for my blog. My friend, Sue, sent this to me it is completely hillarious!**

posted by Elle Jefe at 5/02/2006 09:14:00 AM 15 comments