Phat to Fabulous!
31 March 2006
Did you just step on my fucking Timbs?
One battle at a time...
So I have made it through yet another week of dragging my butt to the gym. 6 days, now I get my 2 days off! I am kind of disappointed in myself, because after all of that work, I ate a few things I really shouldn't have, however most of the week I was really good. I had gone to Sam's Club and stocked up on bottle water and 100-calorie pack snacks to keep at work and stocked up on fruits and veggies for lunches and dinner. Hopefully, my indiscretions won't completely throw me off track. 4 months and 3 days until Caribana!
*singing* Duh duh duh duh dom...good night sweetheart well its time to go...
It is past my bed time. I need to hit the sack and get in the bed. Thing 1 has ballet in the morning and I am sure Thing 2 will keep me very busy. Have a great weekend folks. Holla at your girl!
30 March 2006
Now you just wanna mess with me, huh?
Did you just say Fuckas!
So I am the first to admit I watch a lot of tv, however because of that I try to limit the amount of television that my kids watch, because I do not want them to turn into TiVo addicted feigned like their dear old mommy. On Sunday, mommy was feeling generous and I bought the girls some 'Barbie: Mermadia' movie...I should have known I was going to regret that...when we were at Sam's Club. Now when my girls get a movie they know how to get their monies worth. When they get the chance to watch television they will make sure they watch the hell out of a dvd. So since Sunday, pretty much everytime the girls have gotten to watch tv they want to watch that damned movie. I decided to actually sit down and pay attention to it today and found out that the bad guys in the movie are fungus. Who names a character in a kids movie a fungus? Whatever your perogative! But my 2 year old is very verbal and is very good at repeating things she hears. I am always making sure to watch my potty mouth around her, because her dad will definitely blame it on me if he hears her saying something she shouldn't. Anywho, Kennedy was infatuated with the fungus. And she thought the movie was interactive apparently, so she began yelling at the fungus, saying, "NOOOOOO, FUCKAS!" Yes you read that right, when my child says fungus it sounds like Fuckas...as in Samuel L. Jackson in a movie calling a group of people some "MuthaFuckas!" When I first heard her say this, my mouth dropped open, because I had that quickly forgotten about the fungus and immediately was about to commence to snapping, when I snapped back into reality and remembered the fungus. Then she began to think the fungus was the best thing in the movie. Everyone in the house was a "fuckas!" I right away called the nanny to warn her that fungus was hilarious to Kennedy, but they sound like "fuckas!" Don't have a heart attack if and when you hear this. How do you deal with that? I really hope that she either learns how to pronounce fungus or soon loses her awe with this movie.
5 days and counting...
One more day and I have survived another week. I went to the gym today, late as hell, because the idiots just kept coming all day long! I love Thursday and Fridays, because the gym clears out. Everyone forgets that they were a fat ass on Monday and decides that they don't feel like exercising any more! LOVE IT! I got in got my machine and commenced to working it out! And today there were no spastic shadow boxers next to me, made my workout that much less frightening!
Today I was checking out ProfessorGQ's page and I was impressed with his post 8 Reasons Why You're Still Fat. His was informative and insightful and made me think, shouldn't we all know this already? Sometime ago, I came up with 10 things in Milwaukee and in General that have assisted in keeping my a proud member of the Chunky Girl Clique. I think the wise Professor has some real tips we all could be paying attention to! Alright its time for me to be up! Holla at ya' girl!
I'm not overweight, I am undertall!
*singing* We are the champions my friend!
Thanks to all of the fabulous ones that took time to vote for Phat to Fabulous in mkeonline.com's Blog of the Week semifinals. I have remained victorious once more. Damn its good I won, because I suck at losing! I won't be begging for more votes now for at least another oh...8 months or so, when I will be up for Blog of the Year in December! Thanks again for everyone's support.
I need to get out of here and go get the kiddie's, but I will be back on later with a post after I hit the gym. Holla at ya' girl, I'm out!
*singing* I am number 1, 2 is not a winner and 3 nobody remembers yeah, I am number 1...
29 March 2006
Don't be lookin' at me like that, dawg!
I am certain the reason for my personal sense of paranoia comes from the fact that I know what I think when I see other people at the gym. I am always wondering...what in the hell is that lady doing in the plastic suit on the third treadmill upfront? Does that old 60 lb. 90 year old lady have on leggings? Did that smell just come from you? Size 26 neon green capris are not a good look! I know I am going to hell for these thoughts, I have come to accept that. But today...today was a new day for things that I've witnessed at the gym. I got to the gym a little earlier than normal today. I was excited, because for some reason I thought that would mean I would have an easier time at finding a treadmill. WRONG! I dressed and look at one row of the treadmills......FULL, look at the other side and...oh...wait, there's a treadmill open. Its next to a lady who I have seen at the gym before. She always speaks and always looks like she is on a mission. Nothing wrong with that, however today I should have known she was on a special mission when I caught a glimpse of her shadow boxing. Apparently, that was not alarming enough for me, as I just hopped on the treadmill and start to move working it out when I hear, thump...thump...thump...thump! I look over and this chick is booking it on this treadmill, running for her life, if she misses a step at any moment I could see her go flying backwards off of the treadmill. I had to hold everything in me to keep from busting up laughing and landing on my ass my damn self! So I try to look away, I look to the other side of me and there is this young girl who must have also noticed the thumps as well. We are both trying to keep the snickers inside of us. So then she slows down the treadmill. Ok, I think she is going to get off, nope she hops up, grabs her dumbbells that she has in the cup holders, turns around backwards and starts doing squats on the treadmill. WTF! Are you kidding? Ok, well I figure do ya thang! So she then finishes those hops back up and stands sideways on the treadmill, of course facing me, and is kicking one leg up in the air while shuffling to the side. I could go on and on about this workout that continued for sometime, but I will spare you. The only thing I could think was is she really serious? Where did she learn such a workout? What exactly is she training for? Should I be scared? I'm jus' saying, she needs to STOP THAT SHIT!
Who ordered a dose of inspiration?
So I was finishing up my workout on the bikes and I happened to pick up the April 3,2006 issue of People magazine with Princess Di on the cover. So I am paging through nothing new really, they are still probing into Princess Di and Dodi's deaths. Is Nick Lachey dating this girl? Did Angelina and Brad get married? Who's grandma did the Olson twins knock out to get their new clothes? You know the regular stuff. Then I come across an article about one of my favorite singers, Etta James. *singing* At laaaaaaaast, my love has come along, my lonely days are over... The article is about how she is a new woman after losing over 200 lbs. since having gastro-intestinal surgery back in 2001 (I think?) It was a great article, talking about how this was a pivotal point in her life after being ashamed of her 400 lbs. frame for so many years. If you get a chance to pick up this issue, I think it is worth it just for this article. But like LeVar Burton used to say on "Reading Rainbow," but don't just take my word for it!
Anywho, its getting late, my husband is looking at me, like why in the hell is she still on this damn computer. So I am about to hope off of here and get to bed. Holla at ya girl!
28 March 2006
Cheeseburger in Paradise? I'm there!
Just to humor myself, I take a closer look at the site and see that there are other options other than just the marathon and the half marathon. There is the "Maui Tacos 5K" I am pretty sure I remember from school that that's a little more than a 3.5 mi run. We're getting better, but yeah no still not happening! However, it does have me wondering when you are done do you get tacos? That might be some incentive. Could I substitute the tacos for a burrito or a quesadilla? Hmm, there's a thought.
Now in perusing the site more, I think I really found the run for me. The "Front Street Mile"!! The name indicates that it is something I should be able to handle only 1 mi and most importantly the description of the route says, "The starting line is opposite 'Cheeseburger in Paradise.'" My kind of race! Holly I will meet you at the burger stand, it is on!
12-week Sexy Body Challenge
So with my recent health kick I have found a few of my friends trying to get on the good foot as well. We have all realized that we are getting too comfortable and its time for a change. My friend/sister, Amaya, has told me that this summer before we head to Caribana, she is dedicating herself to a self proclaimed 12-Week Sexy Body Challenge! She has put together a plan that will include a balance of cardio, weight training, power workouts with a trainer and a calculated food plan! Work it out, girl!
*whining* I want to get Fueled Up, too!
So in talking to Amaya about her 12-week challenge, she tells me to look at this site. Its a company in the DC area that offers premade meals for people that are all based off on nutritional standards, making sure you are eating all the right foods each day to assist you in achieving a healthy lifestyle. They provide you with breakfast, lunch and dinner for 5 days week, plus snacks. How come I live in Milwaukee? We don't have anything like this here! If we do, I don't know about it. There is Dinner by Design, which I have considered doing to make dinnertime at my house easier each night, but nothing that has the specific goal of being nutritional and healthy to assist you in losing weight and staying in shape. I really need to convince my husband to move out there. I miss DC!
Don't let me off of this treadmill until I am skinny!
Terri who once requested that I tell everyone that she is a fat ass, calls me the other day in a rather eager voice and yells, "Its on!" Uh ok, but what? She says, "I am going to my mama's house and hopping on the treadmill and I am not getting off until I am skinny! By the time we get to T.O. I will be so hot you won't know what to do with me!" Well, little does she know, there are some days we don't know what to do with her now, but I am happy to see her enthusiasm. Especially, since she was one of the first ones to yell out a loud and convincing "OH HELL-TO-DA-NAW!" When I suggested playing mas! Yay! They will all come around! She was annoyed after one of those horrific shopping trips where you try to find that perfect pair of jeans to no avail! We've all been there, hopping around in the dressing room like the girl on the verizon commercial, talking about, "What you gone do with all that junk, all that junk inside that trunk..."
A side note...
In case you haven't notice I have decided to do away with my substitute cursing. I cuss to damn much and I really just didn't feel like doing it anymore. It's my blog and I can do what I want to. If you don't like it, you can kiss me where the sun don't shine.
Tomorrow is the last day to vote for Phat to Fabulous in mkeonline's Blog of the Week Semifinals. If you haven't done so already, go here and cast a vote, or two, or three, or hell you get my point!
27 March 2006
Motivational or F^cking Depressing?
We finally get situated and get on the road with a friend, his daughter and his nephew in the back seat. We made it down through the wonderful Chicago traffic by about 5:45, got parking and headed on into the McCormick Center. Chris's car club doesn't usually show at this show, but we always make it down, its usually pretty nice and this year Twista and Lupe Fiasco were performing. This year it seemed like the hall it was in was a lot bigger than normal, however there seemed to be less cars. That most likely had to do with the fact that the show usually isn't until July and this year they moved it all the way up to March. Team GMCI is no longer, from what I have heard and there were one or two cars there from Team Rush, one or two from Solitos and smaller groups from a few other clubs. There didn't seem to be a lot of the big clubs there. I will post pics once I get them downloaded from Chris's camera, mine decided to fitz, don't ask I am still all in my feelings about that.
Although as usual there was plenty a$$ to be seen for the guys. This would be the reason for my post, "Motivational or F^cking Depressing?" Now I am trying to lose weight and there is no way in hell I want to look like some of these car show chicks, so I can wear next to nothing and sprawl my a$$ across the hood of some man's car. I'd rather finish my working on my Eclipse and beat some man's a$$ in the 1/4 mile and make him sprawl his a$$ across the hood of my car! But that's another dream for another time. I was thinking though, I have a whole summer ahead of me full of car shows where I can either look at these chicks and get depressed or get on my A-game using them as motivation and get right. Between looking at these broads and pictures of the mas band costumes for Caribana, I should have all the motivation I need to get to where I want to be.
A few important things about HIN...
First, for the organizers of HIN, do not, I repeat, DO NOT let the eye candy dance. It is painful for others to watch. Someone decided that it was a good idea that in order to pass time as we waited for Lupe and Twista to perform, that we should be forced to watch the eye candy dance. Which of course is fine, however only one out of the three girls actually was working it out. The other two, I think needed to get rushed to the hospital at the end of the night, as I believe they were having convulsions. LOL! That poor little Asian girl was trying so hard, but the only thing the mess she was doing looked, was painful!
Second, also, for the organizers of HIN, do not, I repeat, DO NOT let anybody and their mama get up on the stage thinking they can flow in a rap battle. I had better rhymes than some of these cats back when I was 13! I just have one things to say......PRE-SCREEN!
Third, guys do not, I repeat, DO NOT take your chick to HIN or any other car show for that matter without making sure that she fully understands what she is about to experience. You cannot be in the car on the way to the show and say, "Oh baby, I don't know if I mentioned, but there might be some half naked hoes up in this piece." That is not acceptable, if she is a psycho baby mama who kicked your a$$ the last time she saw you rubbernecking at some broad on the street you need to make sure you give her a full disclaimer before you leave home, or leave her a$$ on the couch!
Forth, girls do not, I repeat, DO NOT go to a car show with the disillusion that your man is only going to look at you. There is a chick to his left straddling a motorcycle with nothing on, but a 1/4 of a tank top, a mini skirt/belt and a g-string. HE'S IN A RELATIONSHIP NOT DEAD! Don't go acting a hot a$$ mess in public showing your a$$, because he took a picture with the XM satellite eye candy rubbing her ta-tas all on him. Get over yourself! Just know that if you have him, she sure the he!! doesn't want him. She's getting paid to do this sh!t! MOVE ON. Plus, don't go acting a fool while you are there, at least wait until he takes you home. Never piss off your ride.
If everyone adheres to these rules we can all live happily ever after! OK, OK! Alright, I have to head off to a meeting y'all be good. Until next time peeps!
UPDATED: Have you seen these two boys?
11 year old, Purvis Virginia-Parker
UPDATE: As of today (3/27/2006) it has now been 8 days since Quadrevion and Purvis have last been seen. This case has now been updated to a criminal investigation and the reward for information about these two missing boys is now reported at approximately $35,000. If you have any information that can lead to the safe return of Quadrevion or Purvis, please contact Milwaukee Police at the National Tipline, 877-628-3804. If you have a blog or website of your own please paste and cut the pictures of these boys and post them on your site. Lets do what we can to try to see that these two boys come home safely. For more information, click here.
23 March 2006
So I might be crazy!
Another day down!
My workout last night was pretty good, it wasn't nearly as busy last night. However, there is a new girl that works in the kids room and she had the nerve to tell me there was some eye candy in the gym. That pretty much never happens. How about I walked into a fire extinguisher trying to be nosey! Hey don't look at me like that, I am married not blind, I can look just can't touch. LMAO!
Miss A - Weren't you trying to curse me for getting you hooked on MySpace and now your cat has a site. Now who's worse you or me! ROFLMAO!
OK, so I am working from home this afternoon, I went to go volunteer for Junior Achievers and there was no point in going all the way back to the office when I have high speed in my home. I need to go get the kiddies and get to the gym. Hopefully, tomorrow blogger won't be acting up and I can get a decent post in.
Until next time peeps!
Another Shameless Plug!
22 March 2006
Let's see if the computer Gods are behaving today!
Someone didn't get the memo...
So apparently, there are still a few people in the world, more specifically in Milwaukee, even more specifically, that work in my building that did not get my memo from a few months ago. As I entered work yesterday, I saw yet another victim of the white pants horror. However, this one may have had the first girl beat, I kid you not. This broad, yes I use the word broad, had on white jeans, not sure if they were dirty or it they were possibly off white, in either case they were still very wrong! The were tapered and flooding like Michael Jackson in Thriller. But it didn't stop there, oh now, she must have been in the partying mood when she got up this morning, because to go with her white jeans, which speaking of I didn't think jeans of any color were part of a business casual dress code, anyway, she had on a bolero white jean jacket, slight less dingy/off-white colored. To top of the look to make sure that we didn't forget the good ol' days of 1986, she had a she-mullet! Don't play like you don't know what I am talking about. It's a mullet, but it is on is on a broad, and doesn't look any better than when it was on a dude! I 'bout died! She was serious. Poor thing, I considered dropping everything I had in my possession at the time and running over like Stacy and Clinton do on "What Not To Wear," and just screaming INTERVENTION! She is in desperate need of one.
Did you ever wonder?
Why do you take the stem off of the apple before you eat it? Its not like you are going to eat that part of the apple anyway. Unless you are Kennedy, that child eats everything. And whenever I try to take it off it never completely breaks off, there is always that little piece that is too short to really reach with your fingers that just ends up staying there. Does it make the apple taste better? Is it toxic and if you don't take it off there is a chance your unborn child will have one eyeball in the middle of its forehead? Ok, maybe not, but who was the first person to say, "Wait, don't be ridiculous you can't eat that apple like that, you must take the stem off!" What did the stem ever do to anybody really.
Glass House Count!
Today there were 3 people in the glass house of death when I came into work this morning. What a great way to start your day then to kill yourself in the morning sunshine! Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!
Call Madea, 866-766-2332!
If you haven't already called this number try it. You can call Madea. It might ring for a while, but it will pick up finally. and try not to laugh to hard when you are at work, I don't need y'all gettin' fi-red. OK, Thank Yur! LMAO! (Thanks Teneqwa!)
So last night I made it to the gym...
And apparently so did everyone else in the freaking city of Milwaukee! The parking lot at the gym was poppin' off like the parking lot of the Empire Room back in the day! (Some of y'all don't know nothing 'bout that, but let's just put it this way, if there had been a few more booming systems, cars with hydraulics and people shooting at each other I might have had to go put on my dancing shoes! lol) I pull in the drive way, and as soon as I turn down the side of the building I see this child backing up, so I back up to let her out, thinking maybe she is trying to park in the front of the building. Nope, she was just confused. After backing up she decided to do what, but put her car in drive and go right back to where she just came from! WTF! She proceeded to do this a good 3 or 4 more times, making me test my abilities not to curse with the babies in the car. So I get a parking spot and apparently it was like Madea's family reunion up in there. Mel was there, Nicole and Corey were both there with Aniah. I get completely dressed and I realize I am still wearing my prescription sunglasses and my regular glasses are still in the car. Mel convinces me that I should just workout without them, however y'all need to understand how blind I really am! If you are standing 5 feet away from me and I don't have my glasses on I cannot make out anything on face as much more than shadows. I warned her and Nicole that if I worked out without glasses they may be leading me around like Stevie Wonder. They assisted me in scoping out a treadmill. What great friends they are! Nicole ended up on one 2 away from me. NOTE TO NICOLE: If I have on no glasses and you want to show me something from 2 treadmills away, don't try to mouth out what you want to tell me! I can barely see your face let alone identify which part of it is your mouth and what it is trying to tell me. Either walk over to tell me or wait until we are done, because I am going to just nod and smile and pretend like I know what you said and then ask you again later! I did 40 minutes on the treadmill, I was going to split it up and do 20 minutes at the beginning and the end of my workout, however with the number of people in there last night, I was concerned that if I got off of the treadmill, I might not be able to find one when I got done with everything else. So I just started that baby right back up and did another 20 minutes. It wasn't so bad. It definitely could have been way worse. After I got off the treadmill, I decided to break down and go get my glasses, because I couldn't handle not being able to see! After that I finished off my workout and took my sweaty stinky butt home! All in all it was a pretty good workout.
My skin issues continue...
So apparently my skin got worse it stings and itches and I am just trying not to touch it, but it is becoming very difficult. Ahhhhhh, I hate this!
*singing* I always feel like somebody's watching meeeeeeeeee...
- Join the 2006 SELF Challenge today! I did!
- Not sure if you saw this, but it is an interview with the girlfriend of American Idol's Ace, Essence Atkins! If you don't know Essence she is Half of the UPN Show Half and Half!
- Take this test to see just how Southern you are...I was 70% Dixie (Just south of the Mason Dixon Line!) I knew I didn't belong in Wisconsin! CLICK HERE
Until next time peeps, I'm out!
You know it's time to diet when you push away from the table and the table moves.
~Quoted in The Cockle Bur
20 March 2006
STOP THIS $HIT!
Then of course already annoyed and pissed off, I decide I don't really feel like working, I am going to do some good ol' blogging, but nooooooooo...blogger wants to act up to. How about my entire page got wiped out. I have now tried to get some of my links back, but I am still working on that. Freaking great! I think I quit today at least 30 times before 9am! But anyway, I am done being bitter. Sore, well that will last for a while, but I am definitely done being bitter!
Back on track!
So anyway, last week, was an interesting week. Sorry to all of your had to read my venting about Dell, that had nothing to do with this site, but he!! I just needed to share! And if you really didn't like it there's a little button on the top right hand corner of this screen that you could have hit, so don't complain. Anyway, I made it to the gym 6 out of 7 days last week. I even made it on Saturday in the midst of getting things together for Kennedy's party that was yesterday. I have found that I really like my new work out, I can tell that I am working a lot harder and I like the change up that my trainer did on my weight training. I feel the challenge and I feel the burn, but not in a bad way. I took yesterday off, with Kennedy's party I knew it wasn't going to happen, plus I needed to give my body a rest. I am debating on taking today off too, especially now that I have the feeling that I am going to wake up in the morning unable to move after my wipe out. Plus, I really need to get my relaxer in, and I am supposed to be going out for drinks later with Terri and another co-worker. If I try to make it to the gym, I will just be running like a chicken with my head cut off, but then again, what's new?
Starting to cleanse...
So I have been convinced, I am going to start a colon cleanse this week. I will not share any details, but I will let you know how it goes and if I see any noticeable changes. If you want details, go here.
I am so sick of my husband!
Ok, well not really, I love him, well maybe sometimes...nevermind! jk! But this weight loss thing is going soooo much better for him than for me. Which I know guys always have it easier than girls with these things, but he is really doing well and I feel like I am not getting results. Hopefully this will just make me work that much harder. I am trying not to get discouraged, although its hard when I have his a$$ standing in the mirror looking at his d@mn side profile every two seconds. He has lost about 30 lbs. since the end of November. He went out with one of his friends the other night and came home all excited that he got hit on by some young girl and that he proudly told her that he was married. He always talks about how women always get hit on no matter what they look like there is some guy that will try to get a piece of a$$, but that it rarely happens to guys. Well, I will let him have his minute of glory for getting hit on by some little girl. I won't hate, that just means I got what someone else wants! lol
What the heck is happening to my skin!
So a friend and I were talking the other day and we were both noticing that now that we have been exercising a lot more lately that our skin is breaking out like crazy. I used to brag of pretty flawless skin, now you would think I was a thirteen year old girl with all of the dry patches and blemishes I seem to be getting. It is driving me nuts. When I get to the gym, I wipe off my face with baby wipes to makes sure I am not sweating off my makeup, I even wipe my face afterwards, just because I think it is just a gross feeling. Plus I come to the gym with a new towel just about every other day. I am not really sure what else I can do, but I can't stand this. I think I need to make a visit to my friendly MAC counter to see what kind of stuff I can stock up on to help with this. It is driving me nuts!
Well now that it is just about time to go home, I guess I will stop fighting with blogger and do some work! Until next time peeps!
16 March 2006
At least I am not the only one that's hooked!
I HATE THE ENTIRE COUNTRY OF INDIA!
So about an hour later, my phone rings, "Hello ma'am, my name is Ivan I am calling about the order you placed with Dell computers yesterday." I am thinking great, I am excited, this person speaks english and everything. Oh, but don't get too excited, how about I didn't hear one more thing from Ivan, freaking line went dead again! CLICK! WTF!
So at this point I am annoyed and don't know what number to call, since Ivan didn't get a chance to tell me his number and Anne, if that's really her name, apparently doesn't exist. So I go to pull up the email with the order and call the number on Dell's site for order information. I call the guy pulls up my order and says, "Ma'am was this an order for a new computer?" If you are looking at the order why are you asking me? Ummm, no not unless you just recently started giving away laptops at $148.16 each and in that case give me 20, because I am taking these b!tches down to the Milwaukee Mall and selling them to Ray-Ray, Man-Man, Big Man and Tito mama n'em right quick! So I hold it in and and say, "No, it was just an order for a secondary battery." He says oh, and continues to type, then he says tht apparently I need to call a different number. Okay, fine.
So I call the new number, get a guy on the phone, he informs me that authorization was received for my credit card, however the order was on hold with their verification department, and that he will need to transfer me to that department. Fine, he transfers me I get a girl on the line who clearly doesn't speak much english, I hear her typing, she grunts three times and then I find myself hearing a familiar voice. It says, "Transferring to extension 0-0-0-0-0-0-0." I hear a couple of beeps and then I get a message that says, "The extension you have dialed is unavailable, please try your call again later." CLICK!
So I call back. Get someone who again tells me I need to speak with the verification department, and he will transfer me. CLICK!
So I call back again, at this point I realize I am at work and I usually try not to get all ghetto fabulous as not to scare away the white people, but they are really making this difficult! I get someone before they can even say anything I say, "I need to speak with someone from your verification department, but before you transfer me can I please have their direct extension, because I have been disconnected four times already and I am just so not in the mood, to continue with this." He gave me the number and then went ahead and transferred me. When I get transferred I get this lady who then looks at the order and begins to say, "Ma'am, I show you need to speak with..." I cut her off before she could even get there, "I said yes, I need to speak with Anne at (I rambled off the phone number) about my order, she's at extension (I rambled off the long a$$ extension number) and my order number is 873440XXX. I am mad that I have now memorized the daggone order number! I said you can transfer me, however I am going to need you to stay on the line to make sure that I get a human being on the other end of this phone before you disconnect yourself. She says, "Well ma'am I don't know if she is at her desk, but I can transfer you and can probably send her an email." Ummm no, you will sit your happy slappy behind on this phone and make sure I get a human being and if not then you will send her an email and tell her to get at me on my time. I don't have time for this $hit lady! At this point I think she begins to think in her mind, this b!tch sounds crazy, maybe I should just do what she says. She asks me to hold, she comes back, "Ma'am, it doesn't seem that she's available." No $hit Sherlock! So she finally says there is an issue with the billing address, I explain to her that I have recently moved offices and I think that the system hasn't yet updated with the new address. I said "I can give you the old address if you want to try to verify with that information." She says "Well no, I don't want that information you need to update that with your bank." I again explain that has been done and she asks me for the same information that is in the freaking computer again and says she will call for authorization she does and comes back and says "Well ma'am you are all set now. Is there anything else I can help you with today?"
Za Za Za ZAAAAA...huh?
and sometimes this...
Lord, Lord, Lord! LL, baby, get off the "Double Dutch Bus" and c'mon shuffle your feet home to mama! Now please excuse this brief pause, as I have now passed out on my desk due to a visual stimulation overload from seeing this man! We will continue with your regularly scheduled post in just a moment! *elevator music plays* DISCLAIMER: Please do not stand or sit near any hard surfaces while viewing the above photos. I will not be held responsible for any head injuries if you pass out. If you sue, I ain't got nothing (yes I said that right), so even if you take everything I have, 100% of $0 is $0, so take it!
So I think I have recovered, I just needed a moment! LMAO! I cracks me up sometimes! Anyway moving on...
In other news today, I made it the gym last night. I did my entire workout with out dying and/or falling of the treadmill. I know it is bound to happen one day, just hasn't happened yet! So far score, ME = 2, Treadmill = 0! Yay for me! I thought I wasn't going to be able to breath this morning considering when I met with my trainer he just showed me the abs workout making sure I knew how to do each exercise. I hadn't actually done the full thing and last night I got a taste. The way that $hit burned I should have had rock hard abs by this morning. I did manage to go to the grocery store and Sam's Club last night and picked up some veggies and fruits so last night for dinner I had a nice salad with grilled chicken on it and for desert I had a red popsicle (yes, I know red is not a flavor!).
I got yo' colon cleansing right here...
Don't play like y'all don't remember that part in the Nutty Professor, that was one of the most hilarious parts. Sherman's mom was talking about how she was thinking of getting a colon cleansing, because it is supposed to be good for you and his dad says, "Colon cleansing, I got yo' colon cleansing right here!" and let's one just rip right at the dinner table! So I have a friend who is apparently now the self-proclaimed spokesperson for this company that does them. Check out the link for yourself here. I am considering doing it, because it could hurt to do a complete cleansing of the system. However, I am slightly disturbed by the number of people on the site that find it ok to share their stories, with a picture of their face next to a big bold headline that says, “I had a bowel movement once every two weeks, and now I am going 3 to 5 times a day.” I mean seriously, I am sure you are a lot less tense and frustrated in general, but are you really this happy?
I think not! Seeing as how I don't want to discuss this anymore I am going to end this now. I got some work to do folks, I will holla at you later!
Until next time...
I refuse to spend my life worrying about what I eat. There is no pleasure worth forgoing just for an extra three years in the geriatric ward.
~ John Mortimer
14 March 2006
Does that have anything to with anything? Nope, I was just having one of my moments! Can you name that song? Hmmmmm....didn't think you could! Anywho I hope you are ready for some random ramblings, because today is just one of those days.
I think my trainer is trying to kill me!
So I had my meeting that I was supposed to have with my trainer last week. I get there, he's already to go asking me how my workouts are going, which I told him I was sure I have long ago plateaued. So I told him I really just need a swift kick in the a$$ to get back in gear. So we do the whole numbers thing, weights, BMI which has gone down significantly and everything and he's like well lets do this and starts going through some little tweaks in my workout. Then he stops, takes the piece of paper and balls it up and says no I think you are ready, we're going to step your game up. His words, "I think you're ready!" At this point I just stop and look at him like WTF? At least one of us thinks I am ready for whatever it is you are about to hand me. This man starts printing all kinds of stuff out a new cardio workout, a new abs workout and a new weight training plan. We only got through half of it last night, but he had me on the treadmill for 20 minutes at varying speeds and inclines. This man had me walking on a 15.0 incline on the treadmill. He says, "How does it feel?" I said, "Who's job is it to pick my a$$ up off of the floor when I land there after falling off of this d@mn thing!" His response, he points at my friend Nicole who weighs about the same as my left thigh and says, "Her!" I almost fell off of the treadmill at that point in laughter! Yeah right! Anywho, so I finish that he shows me some of the weights and says he will meet with me for a half an hour today and show me the rest of the workout. I left there thinking I am not going to be able to walk in the morning. However, I got up this morning and hopped out of bed and felt just fine. However, after I got my a$$ to work and sat in the same position in this damn chair, that was a different story. But that's ok, I'm just going to, "Breath, Stretch, Shake....Let it go!"
Your smoking section please!
So I understand that everyone in the world is on the health no smoking kick. Heck I don't smoke, haven't since college. However, I must protest on behalf of my smoking friends on this one point. Now I love to go into a bar or an establishment and not have to be choked by the horrible smell of smoke, or go to a club and not feel like I smoked a pack of cigarettes by the time I leave. And I can't stand as much as the next non-smoker when you walk out of a non-smoking place, such as work and all of the smokers are standing right next to the door so that when you open the door you get smacked in the face with a curtain of smoke, from Newport, to Camels, to Marlboro, to Parliament. However, I think my work place has taken it a little far. We recently moved to this newly built building an in an effort to keep the smokers from constructing that wonderful curtain outside of the East entrance of the building they have this little glass house for all of the smokers to go inside of to commit suicide, I mean to smoke a cigarette. I honestly thought it was a Milwaukee County Transit System Bus Stop in the middle of our parking lot, until I saw that on the side of the glass house it says, SMOKING PERMITTED! Isn't this taking it just a little far? I mean dang its Wisconsin its 27 degrees outside and they have to hike to the other side of the parking lot just to go sit in this box of death to smoke a cigarette. I think to myself everyday as I see this contraption, who enforces making sure that there isn't a rogue smoker who is not in the penalty box. And what is the punishment for not staying in the box? And at work aren't they always telling you to try to think outside of the box? Who thought of this? Were they a smoker? What purpose is it really supposed to serve? The thing has no doors, the sides are open so you aren't preventing pollution by keeping the smoke in. And why do these people just conform and accept that this is where the sign says I am supposed to go so I guess I will go into the box of death? And in a world where we are told if we stare at our feet for two long we may end up with cancer of the pinky toe, AIDS and gonnorhea why are these people still smoking anyway? I say to these people, is it really worth it? STOP THAT $HIT!
As a non-smoker I have put together some of the most lame excuses I have heard from friends on why they still smoke. Because I just couldn't help myself, I had to add just a few of my own responses! Here we go:
- Keeps the mosquitoes away in the summer (WTF! It's December 14th, what are you practicing?)
- Who wants to live to be 90 anyway!
- I exercise and I am a vegan, I am very healthy. (So when you die of lung cancer you will be tired and want a steak, uh that's good I guess!)
- I'm only a social smoker. (Good so you only kill yourself when you are in the company of friends, why thanks, we appreciate it!)
- I want to protest against all of those ABC afterschool specials that told me I could be cool even if I didn't succumb to peer pressure. (They were lying, you were a loser no matter what!)
- I love the wintery fresh feeling of charred menthol on my lungs
- Its not like I am doing drugs or something, I am not getting high (Well at least if you smoked weed you would have something to look forward to at the end, munchies!)
- I think the cigarette burn holes in my clothes give them character and make them look vintage. (No, they give them a why-in-the-he!!-haven't-you-thrown-that-$hit-away kind of look)
- I get my cartons on sales! (And you are still spending more than I do on gas!)
- I only smoke the ones that I can't fit in the care package I send to Man-Man out at the House of Corrections!
Ok, I am going to stop. Before I go I just have to say, why didn't I think of this? I need to do some work. Until next time, holla at ya girl!
I get my exercise running to the funerals of my friends who exercise.
-- Barry Gray
13 March 2006
Happy Belated Birthday!
Y'all just need a fix...
Anywho! Over the weekend, I have discovered MySpace, yes, whatever I am late, I know, but that d@mn thing is addicting. I have now found people I went to high school with, some people I went to college with and just some people. Found a few long lost friends I didn't think I would ever find again, its great! I feel like a junky and now I have become an official pusher harassing friends like do you have an account, you should get one. Next thing you know I will be shaking while rocking back and forth and humming, talking about "Excruse me Craig, can I borrow yo' V-C-R-ra?" Although in this case it would be, "Can I borrow yo' pruter!" I know I have issues, you said that already.....yes, I heard you.....and I heard that too! I seriously need to just take two steps back from the computer! This could get bad. BTW, hey Holly how's your page looking! muwahahahahahahaha!
Get that a$$ back in gear!
So I didn't completely slack off while I had family in town. I didn't make it to the gym as much as I normally would, but I did make it 3 times last week. Eating was okay, although I learned not to leave food on a plate in front of starving college students, who would look at me like I had just killed one of their best friends, talking about "You gone throw that away?" Ummm, well I guess not since you just snatched it out of my hand and started scraping it onto your plate. Actually, having them around could be good for my diet. Except for my one brother, who wasn't sure if he would like any restaurant until you used the word grease. Well, then he was like, "Grease! I am there, can I get a burger with a grease and an extra side of grease!" WTF! Ohh to have the metabolism from when I was 20!
I figured out what happened to my trainer last week. He didn't just ditch me although I do plan on giving him a hard time when I meet with him. Apparently he wrote down the wrong date. I am very annoyed though that when I was at the gym the other day there was a sign that his rates are going up. A sistah is not happy. I will get over it, hopefully once he revamps my workout I can get back on track. I started writing down what I eat again, whether the food is good or bad. I, also, am going to try to work with my husband to make what we eat as a family better. I don't want the two of us to be so focused on watching what we eat that we forget to make sure that the kids are eating right! I can't be a slacker!
I suppose I should do some work today. One good thing is I can't access MySpace from work, otherwise I would definitely have my a$$ fired!
Congratulations are in order!
Congrats to 9th seed - Wisconsin Badgers, 11th seed - UW-Milwaukee Panthers and most importantly 7th seed - Marquette University Golden Eagles! In case you couldn't tell I am only a little biased! All of these men's basketball teams are headed to the 2006 NCAA Division I Men's Basketball Tournament!
Until next time...holla at ya girl!
09 March 2006
House Guests are Bad for the Hips!
I am happy to report...
It only took us two hours and 45 minutes to get out of the house today! I woke them up early today, that's 10:45 to the average person, to get them to start getting dressed so we could make it to a 1:40 showing of Madea's Family Reunion. I must say I didn't think most guys liked Madea movie's, but they chose that over Dave Chappelle's Block Party. I must say the movie was good, but as I said when I saw "Diary of a Mad Black Woman"...I'd have to cut a n!@@a. I don't normally like to use that word, but in these instances it is necessary, his a$$ woulda got cut! And for that matter so would her mama! She deserved to get cut to! Best line of the movie...
07 March 2006
College Guys are the New Chick!
Now back to College Guys being the New Chicks/Broads whatever you want to call them. Now I knew that one of brothers has always been slow when it comes to getting ready in the morning. This I knew, but I think we have found his match. My brothers roommate, said just to be nice since he is a guest in my house that he would cut his normal, at least, 30 minute showers (there are reports that 30 minutes is being very generous) to under 15 minutes. WTF! That's only his shower time, then he spends another 10 to 15 minutes lotioning and then another at least 10 minutes brushing his teeth, you heard me brushing, toothbrush in mouth, his teeth. Now don't get me wrong, I am not about to have them out with me looking like whodunitwhatforwhyandwhen, but d@mn, are you really serious. I love a nice hot shower as much as the best of them, but it only takes me about 30 minutes to sh!t, shower and shave, ok well maybe not shave, but do the makeup, hair and brush the teeth. We are not even going to mention how long it takes one of these boys to pick out clothes and iron. I never knew boys were this meticulous. We are going to the Bucks-Sacramento game tomorrow, I might have to have them start showering and stuff at about 8am tomorrow, so we can be on time for the 7:00pm tip off.
Even with guests in town I made it to the gym...
I had an appointment with my trainer at 6:30pm to revamp my workout. Well I got there at 6:20, no kids pawned them off on their uncles, got dressed was ready to do the d@mn thing! Yeah how about he didn't show up. Its very weird its not like him, he has been known in the past to call the day of an appointment and reschedule, but he's always really good about calling me if he has a problem. Not sure what happened, but he better give me the 100% discount on our next meeting. ;) I left him a message this morning and I haven't heard back from him yet. Anywho, I got in a good workout last night, even still. I hadn't worked out at all over the weekend, so I really needed the workout. It felt good, but I really need to get ahold of my trainer to do this.
Well I gotta go try to help move these girls, oops I mean, guys along! I would like to get out of the house before dinner time! Until next time peeps!
03 March 2006
So the workout last night was decent. I actually emailed my trainer earlier yesterday to thank him for thwarting off my would-be car thieves. I am still pissed about that and considering trying to find the person or persons to brand this:
...on their foreheads. But I am slowly regaining my cool about that, at least there was no damage to my car. I also, wanted to set up a time to meet with him to revamp my workout. I meet with him for that on Monday. I am hoping we can do something to give me a much needed boost. on top of that, I need to really start watching my food again. My little brothers and one of their roommates are coming up to visit for the next week from college down in Florida. So I have to go shopping, because I do not have enough food in my house right now to feed 3 college boys. So I need to make sure when I go to the store that I hit up the produce section and stock up on all my fruits and veggies.
No time better than the present to get back on track. I was recently informed by my husband that his car club's first car show of the season is the Lowrider Tour in Indianapolis and that is in less than a month. Nothing better to boost your a$$ back in gear than the realization that you will soon be spending a weekend in the machismo world that is car shows. I love them, but they are always so packed full of the boobs contests and the a$$ contests and they are just so testosterone injected sometimes it can get nauseating. Fortunately, I love the cars, and that $hit doesn't bother me too much otherwise, if I was just your average broad I would probably get my panties in a bunch over all of that stuff. I always have to laugh at the guys in his club who bring their girlfriends or wives to the shows and they get so upset when his eyes look in any direction other than in their direction. Its like don't you warn your girl before you get there what these shows are going to be like. I could really care less when it comes to that stuff if my husband wants to look, let him look. He's married, not dead. Now if he touches, well that's another story, I'd have to cut his a$$ and he knows that. :) But looking, who cares! You get these guys that bring their wives and girlfriends and as soon as the guy goes off to video tape the wet t-shirt contest her entire day is just ruined and she is a b!tch for the rest of the weekend. Get over yourself girl!
I told you so...
On American Idol last night, I called 'em. Brenna, Heather and Crooner boy (you are so annoying I don't even know your name) I say to you all....*singing* hit the road jack and don't you come back no more, no more, no more, no more! Sway, I had a feeling about, even though I like him, his performance this week sucked. He will survive, he's already had one record deal, I am sure he, if not he and his band can get another deal.
I am out of here peeps, headed to Chuck E. Cheese for my friend Mel's birthday party. No, I don't hand out with 7 year olds, she's turning 28 and knows of no better place to get beer, play skee ball and trip little kids. Ok, well she didn't want to trip little kids, I added that for myself. I have allergies to that place!
Enjoy your weekend, everyone. I'm out! Holla at ya' girl!
Everything slows down with age, except the time it takes cake and ice cream to reach your hips.
02 March 2006
And the winner by a complete and total knockout...Phat to Fabulous!
01 March 2006
You've got to be f^cking kidding me!
Condoleezza getting her workout on?
So I really need to have one of my DC friends, set the VCR to catch parts 2 and 3 of this special. Barbara Harrison from DC’s News4 joined Condoleezza Rice for a workout and spoke with her about what she does to stay in shape! There are a few things I question about this article. First, she makes the comment that she has a little gym in her APARTMENT! Um, Condoleezza, you are the freaking Secretary of State, you don’t own a house or a condo? You have an apartment? Um, I think you need to talk to idiot boy, I mean Mr. President about a raise. Seriously, is your credit f^cked up too? You might want to hook up with Oprah and get on her Debt Diet! Second, and I quote,
"I'm ... a little bit over 50," Rice said with a smile. "I spent a lot of
years as a figure skater, banging my legs and knees against the ice, and so I've
decided that I'm going to speedwalk and walk hills instead of running."
A little bit over 50? What’s your definition of a little bit? Second, figure skating need I say more? In all honesty it is good to see Condoleezza not looking so uptight, but in a way it is almost freaky. Its good to know that she is human and I am all about anyone who is trying to promote healthy living. You go, Condoleezza! (D@mn that's an ugly name!)
Who are these idiots!
The ones that decided that, because I am a size 20 that I either want to wear some stuff that we all know I have no business putting on my butt, or stuff that looks like my mom would wear it. Actually let me give my mom some credit, she has style, she wouldn't even wear some of the $hit that I see these days! Although she does have these questionable urges for Christmas sweaters, I am still trying to break her from that. But that's another topic for another day! Other than that there are plenty of things that I would steal out of her closet and claim for my own. Anywho, who decided low rise jeans were a good idea for anyone, let alone a size 20. Can someone please tell me why everytime I pick up a pair of jeans that I think are so cute, I look at the back and they say "Ultra Low Rise"? I am a size 20, I don't need Ultra Low Rise, Almost Low Rise, A Little Low Rise, Medium LowRise or Just A Little Peak Low Rise. I need Cover My A$$ High Rise! And so does that b!tch I saw on the way to the club the other week that I swear was like a size 4X!!!!!! I say to you denim makers across America...say it with me peeps...STOP THAT $HIT! I don't want to see my a$$ crack, I am certain that no one else wants to either! That is just nasty and wrong on so many levels! Don't get me started on tube tops! 1, 2, 3, 4....BREATH!! See Rodney, I can take advice! :)
That's all for now, I have to get out of here and go get the kids, so I can get to the gym before I go home for tonight's male edition of American Idol.