Phat to Fabulous!
28 February 2006
Last day to vote for mkeonline.com's "Blog of the Week"
Thanks to everyone who has already voted!
Holla at ya girl!
YAY! A holiday for thick people all over the world! In all honesty today could have been an excuse to go and pig out. Am I Catholic? NO! Will I usually take any excuse possible to eat a brownie or that extra order of fries? He!! yeah!!! It really took everything in me today to keep from picking up a cheeseburger and fries in the cafeteria at work today, instead of that salad. I was soooooo tempted. I walked past the grill and it was screaming, "yoooooohoooooo, over here!" But I kept on pushing. It took even more willpower today to keep from deciding to go home and sitting on my a$$ tonight and watching American Idol tonight instead of going to the gym. I have TiVo, I don't have to be home right when a show comes home. I hate commercials anyway. So I made it to the gym. Not only did I make it to the gym, I actually pushed myself. I did a mile on the elliptical for the first time ever in under 8 minutes. 7:40 to be exact! Watch out there now! We may need to think of a new name for the holiday, Fat Tuesday might need to become Phat Tuesday if I spend it every year working my a$$ like I did this year.
Representin' for the big girls!
So everyone knows I am way too in to the reality tv thing! But aside from the fact that I am ecstatic that Moana got sent home in tears last night on "The Bachelor." Big girl Mandisa was doing the d@mn thing on American Idol. She was a little off in the beginning of the song, but those daggone big notes she hits more than makes up for the misses. On the other end of the spectrum, little Lisa Tucker and Paris Bennett making folks a little nervous back in that waiting room. CAN SOMEONE PLEASE SEND BRENNA'S A$$ HOME? I so wish you could vote negatively against someone to put them on a bus right back to wherever the he!! they came from, because my phone would be burning up for her and Heather Cox. Okay that's enough of my reality TV.
Food is like sex: when you abstain, even the worst stuff begins to look good.
27 February 2006
Shut Up, Vargas!
"Sugar" Shane waxed that a$$. But he shouldn't feel bad. This is often what I feel like when I get out of the gym. The difference is, I don't whine about it like a little baby. This really deserved a post all its own.
I don't have a lot of time today, getting dinner situated for the kids, so that I can head to a friend's house for "The Bachelor - Season Finale." I am such a reality tv whore, its not even funny! I hope its not Moana, I can't stand her!
I will check in with you all tomorrow. Have a good night!
I am not a glutton - I am an explorer of food.
25 February 2006
OK, so maybe VH1 wasn't a good idea either...
Why do I do this to myself?
My plan is to get back in touch with my trainer and do a little touch-up with my workout, I feel like I have plateaued with that lately as well.
Until next time!
24 February 2006
It's a C-O-N-SPIRACY!
So I got quite a bit of stuff done here, today. I get dressed for the gym before I head out to go get kids. Now just some background for you: I share a nanny with my friend. She normally comes to our house, however she just had a baby about a month ago and decided that in an effort to minimize her maternity leave, that if we were willing to bring the kids to her, she would come back to work after only 2 weeks off. Seems easy enough, yeah that's what I thought. So I call the my nanny to tell her I am on my way to come get the kids. She says no problem they are ready they already have their shoes on, it takes me like 20 minutes to get to her house. It was about 4:45 pm when I called her, so I figured I could get Kennedy and my friend's daughter, Aniah, and head to the gym and be there by 5:30 pm. We all know my life can never just be that simple. I get there with my oldest daughter and walk in the door, Kennedy now has on one shoe and Aniah is completely naked. Now, Kennedy is infamous for never having on shoes, so that was no surprise. But why in the hot he!! is Aniah butt naked? Well, apparently, after I spoke to the nanny on the phone Aniah decided that she had to go to the bathroom (potty training is a b!tch) so she went in the bathroom. Jenny, the nanny, was just finishing washing her hands, in the two seconds it took for her to follow Aniah into the bathroom, this child had taken her pants down and had proceeded to get poop on everything. Her hair, her shirt, her socks, her shoes, and everything within a $hitting distance! WTF! So Jenny had to give her a bath and change her clothes. By the time I left Jenny's it was 5:45 and I still had to meet Nicole to drop her off and get to the gym. At that point I called it a wash. I wouldn't have gotten out of the gym until after 7:30 pm, the kids wouldn't have had dinner, there was just really no point.
Oh but that's not the end. So I talk to my husband, he's making dinner. I am thankful, one less thing I have to worry about. I get home and I smell the grease! This man, oooh I love him, but this man has made fried chicken, actually fried french fries, made corn on the cob and is asking me if I wants some d@mn biscuits! You are joking right! Now, I have said before, he is determined to lose weight too. What in the world would make you fry up an entire dinner unless you were trying to keep me from being divalicious! I mean d@mn I already look good, but sabotage is not the way to keep me from my destiny of fabulousness. I smell a C-O-N-SPIRACY here folks! And it stinks of Crisco I say! I must rise up and revolt against the evil things in my house, now apparently, I have Thing 1 (Kennedy), Thing 2 (Jordan), and now the Cat in the Hat, himself (my husband). People I say to my family today, STOP THAT $HIT! *singing* Like Cain and Abel, Caesar and Brutus, Jesus and Judas, Backstabbers do this...Forgive them father for they know not what they do, Forgive them father for they know not what they dooooooo! (I can name that song in three shakes!) Lauryn Hill, Forgive them Father (The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill, the best album of all times!)
Boy I could really go for one of these?
23 February 2006
OMG, who's body is this?
10 years ago I was a senior in high school, I wore a size 12, maybe. I wouldn't really have known, because I was a Tom boy who had a body, but hated to show it. I wore baggy boys jeans and sweatpants with huge hoody sweatshirts and baseball caps. I was active and didn't have to worry about sitting down and eating an entire container of cookies. I was bigger, as far as weight, than all of my friends. I always have been. I have always been the one with the big chest and the curves, but when I was younger I didn't know what to do with those things because no one else had them.
One year after graduating from high school I was smaller than I had ever been in life. Most people gain that freshman 15? Not me, I hated dorm food at Marquette, so I lived off of the salad bar, the large variety of cereal with the occasional taco bar or potato bar celebration! Those were special nights! I worked 2 jobs on top of my 18 credit schedule, sang in the gospel choir and was the queen of partying all night. I know those two things are contradictions of themselves, hey one side of me never met the other! :) On top of all of that I found a way to make it to the gym at least 4 days a week if not more. I was weighing maybe about 135 lbs., if that and I wore a size 8. I had a stomach to die for! This is the year I met my husband.
Let's fast forward, 3 years. I was planning my wedding one year after having Jordan. I was bigger than I had ever been, a size 16. I was knocking on the door of 200 lbs. and wondering where oh where had my flat stomach gone? WTF! My thighs rubbed together and I had an a$$ that I could use as a shelf. The busy life caught up to me, I was working like crazy taking care of my daughter and finishing up school as a super senior in school. I think I had to have been on drugs, I really don't know where I got all that energy from.
3 years after this, I decided now is the time. I must lose this weight once and for all. I started Weight Watchers and actually lost about 20 lbs. I had gone up to a 18/20, but got back to more like a 16. Surprise, surprise we got pregnant. WTF! Ok, well I guess that's on hold.
Just this past December, I couldn't take it any more! I weighed more than I did in my ninth month of pregnancy with either one of my girls and even the old maternity pants I had been keeping around were getting tight. This is bull$hit!
How did this happen? Where did my waist go? Did I really just eat that? What do my feet look like? When was the last time I shopped in the non-plus sized section of the store? The side of the store where there are not huge floral grandma mumus, where pants have more on the waist than an elastic band and where the numbers to the sizes don't have a "W" behind the number. Stands for widea$$!
Am I the only one that thinks that the last years of their life was a blur and you woke up in a fat person's body? Is this invasion of the body snatchers? WTF happened! I must find the skinny me once again, she's in there somewhere. Its going to take a he!! of a lot of digging but I am going to find her in there, somewhere.
...well its time to go, bah bah dum duh dum! Sorry but you guys know you missed my random outbursts in song! I went the gym, maybe over my disgust with myself for slipping back some over the past hectic week or so, I got a really good workout. I need to do my crunches before I go to bed. There's just something wrong with doing them at the gym. MY a$$ in the air with a big red fitness ball between my legs is really not what I consider a pleasant view! Plus, as usual with a good workout, I stink and I am sure that if I go to bed like this, my husband might just kick my a$$ out of the bed!
I'm out! Holla at your girl!
Vote for Phat to Fabulous!
Why are you still reading this? Scoot, go vote!!
Do those boxing gloves come in any other colors?
Personally, I love boxing, hence my infatuation with Laila Ali. In case you care I also, like Lennox Lewis and, of course, the Puerto Rican wonder, Felix "Tito" Trinidad! Anyway, I have been looking into a lot of resources about boxing, especially for women and there has been a big increase in the desire for women's boxing information ever since everyone saw "Million Dollar Baby." Which was a really good movie! I just wanted to pass on something I found. I might check it out and see how this goes. It is a boxing workout that you can do at home. It has information on techniques and tips for Shadowboxing and it also includes a long program. Not sure if anyone else cares, but thought it couldn't hurt to pass it along.
lailaali.net - femail boxing news, tips and more (this is not the website for the boxer)
Anyway, I should get to work. Our office is moving tomorrow and I have a few more boxes to pack. I will post another real post later! Until next time peeps!
BTW - Today you get two quotes for the price of one! You can expect another quote with my post later today.
22 February 2006
I really need to stop watching MTV!
Peter - Peter gets steroid shots in the a$$ that are administered by a "family friend," whole scenario seems kind of questionable if you ask me, in hopes of getting the cover of a fitness magazine. All those nights letting his "family friend" poke him in the backside only partially pay off, he gets a spread in a fitness magazine, but not a cover. He decides that the anabolic steroids probably aren't the way to go. Uh, Duh?
Roger - Roger is a martial artist that takes steroids to help his game. He gets shots in the a$$ by his "dealer" who of course only appears on the screen as a blurry circle with a voice and body. He goes pro and decides maybe he should stop taking steroids before someone finds out. He wins fight after fight steroid free after that. Good idea Rog, you really weren't getting that buff anyway!
Brian - Oh Brian, where to begin. Brian was not so subtly gay and wanted to get the attention of the pretty people in the world by having a "hot body." Brian got his steroids from any number of sources hoping that he's getting his money's worth and not getting a deadly batch. Apparently, winning a strip contest at the local club is really worth all of this! Um, yeah no, not so much! Brian ends up going into a nutty downward spiral and getting depressed which he then blames on the steroids that he was before loving for all of his newfound attention, go figure!
Needless to say, all of this made me think, I haven't done that in a while, been too busy. And I have come up with yet another countdown. Reasons why not to take steroids:
- You get all of the emotions of Jekyll, Hyde, Larry, Curly, Moe and any number of Snow White's friends
- You get large amounts of scary acne that make you look like a connect the dots book that my five year-old owns
- Your manly parts become a lot less manly
- If your a chick, your girly parts become a lot more manly
- Its not a good idea to inject yourself with anything that comes by Priority mail from Dubai with hand drawn do-it-yourself instructions
- You really aren't getting that buff anyway, if you are going to take them shouldn't you look like Lou Ferrigno or something?
- You have to have some guy named Vinnie come and give you a shot in your a$$! Are you really comfortable with that?
So tonight I have decided to change up from MTV to VH1. So far, I have yet to be annoyed or completely disgusted yet, except for that two seconds where they showed Puffy's mama, Janice Combs! Ugh! Anyway, I got a little motivation from Celebrity Fit Club. Next week is the finale, I will have to make sure to watch, there have been some big changes on there and I am excited to see how they all end up. I could take some cues from them. Hmmm, VH1 is now my channel of choice? Am I getting old? I'm only on my 2nd anniversary of my 25th birthday!
Back to business!
Tomorrow I really need to get back in business. I have prepared my notebook to keep track of my food. I plan to hit the grocery store, I am running low on my veggies and fruits. I need to get some refills. That will definitely help me to stay on track.
Time for nighty night! TTFN! Send me your positive vibes, so I can get back on the road to fabulous-ness!!
20 February 2006
Did you miss me?
True Life: I'm Obese!
So I am at home yesterday cleaning, my house really needed it, and I finish watching way too many episodes of Real World/Road Rules Challenge and True Life: I'm Obese comes on. Now the show has 3 different people on it that it is following. There is 500 lb. Amy who is afraid that if she doesn't do something that she could die at age 27; 17 year-old Corey who thinks he is addicted to food, and 24 year-old Frances who is comfortable in her 215 lbs. frame and is a plus sized model. The show held my attention, because you felt sorry for Amy, Frances was so confident it was almost nauseating, and you wanted to smack Corey sometimes as you watched him get his panties in a bunch for getting a salad from Chick-Fil-A for dinner instead of McDonald's #1 meal!
Seriously, it was sad to see Amy go to a restaurant and break into tears when a little girl passes and says, "Oh wow, she's so big!" She has to get special therapy for the layers of fat that have built up around her legs and she can barely walk up and down the three stairs to get in and out of her house, when she does leave. Amy is preparing herself to have bariatric surgery. There is a Corey who eats numerous Double Cheese burgers and fried foods every day and hopes that he gets the approval from his doctor to have gastrointestinal surgery. Until then, however he will continue to eat the same crap he always has and continues to put on the pounds even though the surgery is not promised. Yet, in his defiance to continue to eat the same stuff he cries then flips the script and cries about not feeling good about his body. I understand that people really do have an addiction to food, but his mom is trying, at least some to get him to break these habits and he is relying on his hope to have this surgery. What if it doesn't happen, then what? Does he end up 500 lbs. like Amy? Then there was Frances....oh lordy was there Frances. Frances was a boisterous 24 year-old plus sized model. Frances was very confident in her skin and loved spending time with her friends who were also, obese. Its great to see someone confident, regardless of what main stream society thinks. She was determined to go out for the modeling jobs whether they requested plus sized models or not. (Even though in my opinion she really wasn't all that cute.) However, you have to wonder if that confidence will be a detriment to her. Will her high level of confidence allow her to continue her unhealthy eating habits causing long lasting health problems like many other obese woman and men. Especially, with the health risks that face African-Americans you want to just scream at her to be careful.
After watching that show I think I never want to eat again. One comment on the show, I read from someone said, is there such a thing as a chastity belt for your appetite. Well if there is can I get one sent to me overnight priority delivery?
And therefore I am going to get off of here and hop my behind into the shower. I got a pretty good workout tonight.
I bought a talking refrigerator that said Oink every time I opened the door. It made me hungry for pork chops.
16 February 2006
You wouldn't say that $hit if I was skinny!
So have you ever paid attention to the differences in responses or faces that people make when a fat person says something versus a skinny person. Well I thought about some of them and this is some of what I came up with.
- Is this food free? - If a skinny person says this people say sure, go ahead help yourself. If a fat person says this people says umm well I think so, but you might want to check first.
- My hands are too full to carry all of this food! - If a skinny person says this people say, oh really let me help you with that. If a fat person says this people think, well maybe you should put some of that $hit back!
- Does this make my butt look big? - If a skinny person says this people quickly say no I think you look great. If a fat person says this people think I think it was already big, those pants aren't the problem.
- I really should go on a diet. - If a skinny person says this people say no why would you think that? If a fat person says this people think what a freakin' revelation!
- I can't have that I am on a low carb diet. - If a skinny person says this people say oh I did that before how's that working for you. If a fat person says this people are trying to hold back the chuckles and figure out why they have that donut under the napkin off to the side.
I tell you people this world is rough. And to help us with our whoas and figuring out how to handle dealing with being on the chunkier side of the table, we have skinny b!tches like Tyra Banks and Vanessa Minillo (don't know if I spelled that right, that's the chick from MTV and Entertainment Tonight!) who decide that in order to feel the pain of chunky butt Americans everywhere that they should put on a 300 lbs. fat suit to see what it is really like.
15 February 2006
So I digress...
So I got my new Essence Magazine yesterday with Tyler Perry and the ladies from Madea's Family Reunion on the cover. I haven't really gotten a chance to look at it too much, but there is an article in there that immediately grabbed my attention. The teaser on the cover of the magazine says, "How I lost 110 pounds Without Surgery." I saw that and I was like hot d@mn it must be my handbook. The article was short, but good it was about 25 year old Caroline Jhingory, who while a student at Fisk University finally decided it was time to make a change. She put down the fried foods, sugars and starch and started exercising. Some key things she says that she picked up in time spent working with specialists at the fitness center she joined were the following:
- eliminate white foods
- control portion sizes
- avoid carbs at dinner
- vary pace her workout plan
Over 3 years Caroline successfully went from 270 lbs to 160 lbs and she is still working at it. If you pick up an Essence Magazine you will see before and after pictures, she literally looks like a completely different person. More motivation for me!
Speaking of motivation...
Terri asked me to tell everyone that she is a fat a$$ to see if that would work in motivating her. (DISCLAIMER: I would like it to be known that I am in no way responsible for that comment, nor do I actually think she is a fat a$$, I am just doing as I am told. Must do my best to please the masses!) Hey Terri! Did that work?
I made it to the gym last night...
And I accomplished getting in a full workout without getting tired or just plain out quitting. I also managed to get through my workout with out any distractions from the Kids room to come and change Thing 1 or any injuries from Thing 2.
It was truly a miracle. I was so excited I went home and did some Valentine's Day Crunches! They weren't anything different from my regular crunches, but I thought I should say something with a little flare! Anywho, I am off now to pretend I am doing some work for just a bit longer.
The older you get the harder it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have become good friends.
14 February 2006
- Weight: 227 lbs. (-3 lbs.)
- Left Arm: 16 1/8" (- 3/8")
- Bust: 44 1/2" (-1/2")
- Waist: 37" (-4")
- Hips: 50 1/2" (-1")
- Left Thigh: 25 3/4" (-0")
Does someone want my child?
- Height: I am pretty sure I am still 5'2"
- Weight: 227 lbs
*singing* I won't tell your secrets, your secrets are safe with meeeeeee...
Sorry, I was singing again, but I haven't done that in a minute. So I was thinking about those guilty pleasures we all have. I have plenty of them, especially when it comes to my music, I love me some "white people music" as my husband would tell you. Coldplay, Maroon 5, Joss Stone, Hall & Oates (*singing* Sara smiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiile, won't you smile a while for me, Saraaaaaa), Phil Collins, Michael McDonald, the list is really endless. That all comes from me being such a music whore though. I even can get into classical and opera. Hey what can I say, I used to play in the Milwaukee Youth Symphony Orchestra, ya girl is cultured. But think about it I have an eclectic taste in music, to put it mildly, I know. But I have other guilty pleasures other than the fact that "I can't live without my radio" and I love "My Adidas," most of my guilty pleasures are food. Anything chocolate and I am there. A good plate of Cuban food from Cafe Versailles in Little Havana with a side of a tall mojito and its nap time. To top it off carbohydrates will be the death of me. I eat more pasta, rice and breads than the average human. Trying to break myself of these vices has just become a real b!tch, although some have been easier than others. Now Cafe Versailles was an easy one. Seeing as how I live in Milwaukee, WI and 3555 S.W. 8th St., Miami, FL, USA is mapped to only be about 1557 miles away from where I live, believe me I checked, that really wasn't the difficult one. Now, keeping me from trying to turn my kitchen into Cafe Versailles for New Years (see below) was a little more difficult, but I am getting better!
Tostones, empanadas, yellow rice, red beans and rice. (Not pictured: 2 homemade traditional (not green) key lime pies, plantain chips with mojo sauce, black beans and homemade guacamole.
Now I can tell you chocolate has been difficult. I have been known to hit up a vending machine multiple times a day. However, as of recently I haven't been hitting it at all. I am getting my chocolate fixes by the 1 cup of hot chocolate I allow to replace my daily green tea once a week. The carbs are still a struggle, but I suppose everything in stride little whoadie, everything in stride!
Maybe I can just speak my desire for great dreams of weight loss into existence, like Cherry tried to do with her bust on that one episode of Punky Brewster, ("I must, I must, I must increase my bust.") Ok, maybe not. I guess I will just take my lazy a$$ to the gym again. Until next time.
I've decided that perhaps I'm bullimic and just keep forgetting to purge.
13 February 2006
And one more thing...
Plate or no plate, that is the question?
Disclaimer: This message also applies to the following: buffet tables, all-you-can-eat restaurants (i.e. Ponderosa, Mold Country Buffet, Westins, Golden Corral, etc.) and office lunch/breakrooms world wide.
Anywho, I digress...
So the weekend was truly a test. A test, I believe, I failed. I suppose we are all allowed that one slip. I plan to not slip anymore. I have just under 6 months until Caribana and I plan to be able to shop in a non-plus sized store before I head to that trip. This weekend was in no way help in getting there though. I haven't made it to the gym since Friday, plus between my girls and my husband, I was running all weekend. To top it off, Saturday's festivities included going out to Louise's on Cathedral Park for dinner, which means I ate a huge Chicken Parmesan that I really didn't need. Go figure! Although, I did have a Tom Collins at Kenadee's which was sooooo good. I haven't had a Tom Collins in years. But this has to be my last slip. I can't take it, I have to stay focused and disciplined. Goal: Must only have one a$$ by August! I can take on the challenge.
Until next time peeps!
10 February 2006
Freeganism - WTF!!!
Freeganism is commonly understood as the practice of abstaining from any
consumer goods except in those cases where the goods are obtained for free and
have been divorced from the harm done by their production. The word "freegan" is
a portmanteau of the words free and vegan.
Basically, these are a bunch of tree hugging hippies who rather than taking the time and the money to take their behinds to the grocery store, they would rather go rummaging through the garbage cans of businesses across America to feed themselves.
You may be wondering what this has to do with my journey from Phat to Fabulous! Well, I went to the gym last night, which I had a pretty good workout. Came home, had dinner with the girls, got them bathed and to bed and hopped on my laptop to do some work. After the News, "Geraldo at Large" came on there were a few interesting stories on the one that really had me sitting there with a strange look on my face was when they did the teaser right before the commercial break about these nuts! I was very upset too that the show is syndicated (or so I think), so I was pretty sure that it wasn't necessarily on at the same time even if I did have nerve enough to call one of my friends at 11 at night just to say, "Do you see this $hit!" So after the commercial break, they come back and they show this group of very happy people, who refer to themselves as Freegans, scavenging the garbage bins of New York City. Then they all go home with their food and make dinner and have a happy hippy party. I say to you my good people, "WTF!" They then show the Head Grand Puba of the nut case clan and he is telling everyone how he has spent no money on food for the past 11 years! WTF! He proceeds to tell the reporter about how many billions of pounds of food American consumers waste each year.
So I started thinking, we all know this is dangerous. If I were a Freegan I would be Fabulous, now not that I am going to take up that lifestyle or anything, because there's no way in he!! I would seriously eat that stuff. Then I thought some more and I came up with the Top 10 reasons why I could not be a Freegan. Of course, since I used all of that brain power to come up with a list, why not share it right? So here you go...
The Top 10 reasons why The L would not be a Freakin' Freegan:
- I shave my armpits (from the looks of some of those people, it appeared that the general consensus was that they do not).
- Hippies went out of style in the 60s.
- You can't make me, even if you had a gun, its probably recycled and doesn't work anyway.
- You expect me to believe you wash you hands, you don't even look like you wash you a$$, don't touch my food even if it did come out of the Giants dumpster.
- What's that smell?
- Are you f%&*ing serious?
- One man's garbage is still my garbage, leave that $hit alone!
- Is that sanitary?
- Unless there's a $600 BCBG purse in the bottom of that bag, I am not digging in it!
- I like being wasteful its gotten me this far just fine.
I feel better! Well that's all for me today, you folks have a good weekend. Be healthy, be safe and be Fabulous!
Whenever, I think about exercise, I lie down 'til the thought passes. -- Robert Maynard Hutchins
09 February 2006
Don't talk to strangers!
So Monday night, Mel and I are in the locker room at the gym packing up our things to leave, while discussing the commercials from the Super Bowl on Sunday. There are probably two or three other people in the locker room at the time, particularly there was one girl who was getting undressed to get ready to work out. I always try not to make eye contact with these people, as I don't want to make eye contact with someone who is taking their bra off! Well apparently, this girl was very interested in our conversation about the Super Bowl and felt the need to chime in while still half naked. ISN'T THERE A RULE AGAINST THIS? Aside from the rule, "Don't talk to strangers," apparently we need a stated rule, "Don't talk to strangers while you are half naked!" Let me tell it to you like this, I don't talk to my friends while they or I are half naked, I sure as he!! don't want to talk to you while you are half naked and I don't even know you like that, dawg! Why are you comfortable talking to me while wearing what Victoria has specifically told us should be a secret? Aren't secrets usually something you keep quiet? How about you try that? BE QUIET, YOU HAVE NO FREAKING CLOTHES ON YOU MORON! And once you do get dressed, don't talk to me either, because I, unlike you, DON'T TALK TO STRANGERS!
And while we are on the subject of not talking to strangers. I don't want to talk to anyone when I am on the elliptical looking like I am about to die and can't breath, either! Why is it that when I get on a machine in the corner closest to the tv, away from everyone else (for a reason), with my headphones on at least once a week, I look up and see that the person next to me's lips are moving and they are looking at me because, apparently they are talking to me! WTF! Why is this a good idea? Oh yeah, its not! GO AWAY!
Okay, I am better now, I got that off my chest!
So I made it to the gym last night, and no matter what Mel tells anyone, I do not own pink workout pants! ;) I did my workout and I didn't die, that's a good sign, huh? Nothing too exciting, I managed to get three-quarters of the way through my workout before they came to put me on diaper alert. This time I was told, "We think she's wet, but we aren't sure. We asked her if she was wet and she said 'no,' and proceeded to tell us that she had teeth!" Well that's good to know, she hasn't lost them since we arrived! I go to check her, this time she wasn't wet, but we did go to the bathroom and she used it, maybe this potty training thing is working after all!
I also, managed to see another person that I knew last night. I don't think this one recognized me though. He used to work with my husband like 8 years ago, so I doubt he would recognize me. He still looked the same, kind of round. The only reason I remember this guy so well, was because he came over for dinner one night and wrecked our bathroom. You don't do that on your first visit to someone's house, that's just wrong! You will not be invited over again, needless to say I don't think we ever invited him over again.
I'm allergic to food, I break out in fat!
08 February 2006
I figured out my problem...
Anywho, I made it to the gym yesterday. I got there late, but that was alright. The poopy bandit struck again, however this time she at least was kind enough to wait until I was done with my 36 minutes on the elliptical. How kind of her. She has made a new boyfriend I think, she has somehow managed to have grown men dancing like idiots at her beckoning call. It is a truly comical when I look over to the kids room during my workout and I see a grown 6'2ish" man dancing with his hands in the air and making faces at my daughter. Either he needs to get out more, or she has a way with men. Also, congratulations to me, I think I must have hit record speed last night, doing 4.17 miles in 36 minutes! Yippee for me! I haven't done less that a 12 minute mile since high school. It kind of felt good. The trick I have found is hiding the numbers from myself, I cover the control panel up with my towel so I don't pay attention to the time or the distance or any of that. I just listen to my music and watch ESPN and the time flies.
Make that 4!
Remember yesterday's post about how I hate running into people at the gym. So I finished posting that, left work, went to get the kids and then went to the gym and half way through my workout I look up and there's yet one more person I went to high school with. I really need to get away from Milwaukee. This place is too daggone small!
George Carlin once said, "Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things."
Last night no one would have been petting me and that's for d%mn sure! I was one nasty sweaty mess. I almost didn't want to get in the car with myself to go home. Yes, it was really that bad. Now, I understand that the sweat was just a sign that I was working hard, but you never knew how many different places you sweat until you go to the gym in heather grey pants. I was all excited because last weekend I picked up some yoga pants and a few t-shirts from Lady Foot Locker for pretty cheap. The stuff is really comfy and I got two pair of pants and five shirts for $50!! Great deal. However, note to self, light colors are not attractive once you sweat. Last night, I looked like I pee'd on myself. Not cute! This was fortunately after running into random people that I knew at the gym. That would have been even less attractive!
Something to check out...
So I went out to the Nike.com website today to see what kind of women's stuff they had out there and noticed a section under their Women's pages with workouts. Its kind of neat, you get move by move instruction on how to do the workout and then you put it all together. I haven't tried it yet, but it looks like it might not be something bad to give a shot at on one of those days when I can't make it to the gym. Take a peak for yourself!
07 February 2006
My Second Hit!
- Height: (I am excited to report this has remained the same) 5'2"
- Weight: 229 lbs.
- Left Arm: 16 1/4"
- Bust: 44 1/4"
- Waist: 38 1/2"
- Hips: 51"
- Left Thigh: 25 3/4"
While I am not happy that I only lost one pound, I have lost a significant of inches which is good, because it shows that I am firming up from all of the exercises. Imagine the results I could have gotten if I had stayed completely on track. I guess we will have to see next week.
Have you ever been this person...
So you go the gym, you don't attempt to look your best, because you are going to exercise and get sweaty and nasty, no need to look cute. Half way into your workout you look up and you see someone you know, used to know, whatever the situation. You think if I just don't make eye contact they won't see me. And then they glance your way, and you think look away fast. And then you hold steadfast to your hope that maybe in the however amount of time since you last saw them, you have put on just enough pounds that you aren't just instantly recognizable. You make it through your work out without making significant eye contact and you think you are in the clear. You go to the locker room get as cleaned up as you are going to get and get your coat to head out the door. On your way out you stop for a drink of water turnaround turn to head straight for the door, and you danggone near walk dead into the person. Who then turns and says, "Hey how are yoooouuuuu doing?" D%MN, D%MN, D%MN!!!
If this has never happened to you, be thankful because its happened to me and I don't appreciate that mess. I go to the gym to be nasty and stinky and in my own world, I don't go to have to try and look cute and stuff. So far I have run into 2 or 3 people I went to high school with, 2 people I went to college with and 1 person I used to work with. I just have one thing to say Stop that $hit! I don't appreciate it one bit and its not funny that I then left only to run into someone I knew on the way home in the grocery store! Not funny!
Until Next time!
Today's Quote (Thanks Sue!):
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.
06 February 2006
*rapping and nodding head with eyes closed* Once again, back is the incredible!
- Get an all over girdle if you are even going to think about wearing stuff like that
- May want to carry a fire extinguisher for back up, because as tight as those pants are you might start a fire with the cold dry weather we are having
- Get some new friends
- Get some mirrors
- STOP IT!
Seriously, she can do better. It might not hurt for her to start on her own [blank] to Fabulous plan. I wouldn't say that she is Pretty Hot and Tempting yet, but she can fill in her own blank. :)
A few resources you might want to check out:
I think I am done rambling for today. I am going to get back to work and try not to fall asleep. I am tired today, the weekend is never long enough. I am going to head to the gym today and do my normal battle for a machine, since everyone remembers that they are fat on Mondays after pigging out all weekend I am sure the gym will be packed. Until next time.
I don't exercise. If God wanted me to bend over, he'd have put diamonds on the floor.
-- Joan Rivers
03 February 2006
We made it!
Today I came in and I was really excited to see that I got my first shout out from RLuv over at The Brown Spoon! Thanks man good looking out, and my appreciation for your clarification on the "special" comment. If you guys haven't had a chance to check out Rodney's Blog, take a peak. Fortunately, or unfortunately, we have very similar ways of writing and he might actually love "The Boondocks" more than me. If that's possible? Side Note: Sad that this Sunday is a re-run, but that's ok, it is still hilarious to see granddad take on a blind man in a good honest fight!
*singing* Back in the day, when I was young I'm not a kid anymore...
Oh my repertoire of music is endless! So I was thinking, I know that's dangerous, but still it dawned on me. Remember when I was in college back at Marquette and I was a size 10 and I thought I was so fat! Back then I could still shop at Express, Limited and Gap. It didn't matter what I ate, because when we were in college, the food sucked! All I ate was cereal or salad with the occasional stacked potato bar night thrown in, and when I wasn't at one of my 5 jobs, chatting on ISCA (whoa I went there) or in class, I was either out dancing the night away or in the gym. Instead of gaining the freshman fifteen I lost the freshman thirty! Did I think that in 10 years that this is where I would be? HE!! TO DA NAW! (Thank you Whitney Houston for giving me the proper words to express my feelings!) But seriously, if you had told me then that in the next ten years I would have been married with 2 kids and be carrying around an extra 70-80 pound a$$ behind me I would have laughed in your face. But at some point between 1996 and 2006, I got comfortable as most of us do. Comfortable with not exercising. Comfortable with eating 4 pieces of pizza instead of 2! Comfortable with that extra 10 pounds that oh wouldn't be a problem to lose, I am only 19 or I am only 21 or I am only 23, you get my drift. I got too daggone comfortable. And guess what, right now it makes me feel really uncomfortable. I welcome the discomfort, especially if it brings back my size 10 jeans!
Who needs a love seat when you have folding chairs. Who needs a flat screen 64" HDTV when you have a 13" toshiba from 1986! Who wants Boris Kodjoe, when you have Faizon Love? There has to become a point where we all realize that we are not comfortable with the stuff that we have just learned to accept over the years. Whether that be like me and deciding that it is no longer ok to shove food in my face out of boredom and sit on my a$$, or whether its a bad relationship that is going no where. When do we draw the line? When do we decide finally this $hit is uncomfortable and stop settling? Even if no one reads this I feel so Carrie in "Sex and the City" right now!
I am going to get in trouble for this I am sure...
But I was thinking, again, and I was wondering how many times a day do I see a commercial or advertisement for some pill that is supposed to be the wonder drug to losing those unwanted pounds. Or come to the Bariatric Treatment Center where we can discuss the options of stomach stapling or the cookie diet. Or call 1800JennyCraig! Or whatever the new craze is at the moment. Am I the only person who wants to lose weight without the side effects of "nausea, hear burn, indigestion, upset stomach, diarrhea, tingling limbs, loss of limbs, sexual dysfunction, temporary loss of eye sight or hearing, growth and/or loss of hair in abnormal places, birth defects, cancer, risk of stroke or immaculate conception"????? Just a thought!
I’m not short and fat, I am just vertically challenged and horizontally blessed!
02 February 2006
4 out of 4 ain't bad!
*singing* That's right put in work do them sit-ups right and get yo tummy tight and....
I will tell you I made it to the gym for my fourth time this week. Which means the rest of this week is optional since I hit my goal. :) I love when I do that! And your girl is definitely feeling the burn today. Although they say that is good. I made it all the way through my elliptical workout last night without having to change any diapers, however when I was doing my weights to the sound of "Guess What?" by Keyshia Cole, I look at the kids room and see my eldest child in tears. My trainer is in there checking her out, making her walk across the room and stuff and she is just a sobbing. Now don't get me wrong, I am not a cold mother or anything, but you have to know Jordan. That poor child just has two left feet. So I go in check on her, apparently she tripped over some toy, that most likely, was left on the floor by her little tyrant of a sister. I have no doubt in my mind. I go take her to the bathroom help her clean her face cleaned up, get her some water we are cool. We go back over to the room so she can get her shoes on and so I can come back out and finish the last of my workout. She asks how much longer I am going to be, I told her maybe about 10 minutes, this child says how come it can't be 11? Yeah sure, 11 it is. Apparently she thought she had lost important playing time, by having her little injury/breakdown and she needed to make up some time. Whatever works for you kid! Anyway that makes twice this week that my children have struck and interrupted my groove! Aaaaahhh! A mother's work is never done.
Thanks for the responses I received from people on yesterday's countdown. The one thing that I somehow missed on the countdown that a few of you pointed out was kids. Kids have definitely allowed us to keep those pounds packed on over the years. We gained weight when we got pregnant. Once they came along we were too busy to cook anything worthwhile and healthy, so we continued on our spiral into lard butt land, now that they are getting older, they never want to be the member of the clean plate club like we were always taught to be. So when Jordan leaves that last chicken nugget and says she's full, do you know how hard it is to just put in the garbage? I just paid $3.19 for that happy meal, at $1 for the drink, $.90 for the fries, that leaves $1.29 for 6-piece nuggets. That is $0.215 per nugget. You are going to waste almost $0.215, because you are full. Girl don't you know there are starving kids in Third World countries who could live for a month off of just $0.215 a day? I know Sally Struthers told me so! What's wrong with you child? OK, I digress, anyway you get my drift!
But first I spray them with Raid
so I won't dig them out of the garbage later.
Be careful, though, because that Raid really doesn't taste that bad.
-- Janette Barber
Preview of what's to come...
So later I plan to try to post for you guys this Abs Boot Camp Workout from a magazine I picked up, that says that it has fail proof ways to get rid of that unwanted fat for good. I figured that it would not be right though, if I didn't try the workout myself first so that I could give you my honest opinion, and you know I will. Until then peeps.
Thanks for all the great feedback and comments! Keep 'em coming! Let me know what you like and what you don't, unless you don't like me and in that case, who cares get off my blog its MINE!! *evil cackle* muwhahahahahaha! ok, whatever y'all know I got issues, don't act surprised now.
Happy Birthday, KIM!
Everyone, please, take time today to wish my girl, Kim a Happy Birthday(English), Feliz Cumpleanos (Spanish),
Joyuex Anniversaire (French), Gute zum Geburtstag viel glukt (German),
Go shorty....It's yo birthday! We gonna party like it's yo birthday....!(You know that one!)
Kim is the one next to me, we already know I am the chunky one on the end, this has been discussed before! :) This is from Prive in Miami!
I'll hit y'all up later with a real post. These people at work are tripping and actually want me to do some work today!
01 February 2006
I did it!
I think it is a conspiracy!
When I go to the gym, I usually take my kids and put them in the kids room. Its great, it lets me get my workout in, and it wears them out before bedtime! (Whoo hoo!) Anyway, it seems like every time I get to the gym, I get my stretching done and hop on an elliptical machine, provided one is available. Like last night, I was just getting in the groove, had my headphones on blasting, singing along with Pitbull, "Shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, mentirosaaaaa..." (Terri that was for you!) got to 10 mins about 1.2 miles and the girl from the kids room comes over, Kennedy stinks and needs to be changed! Every daggone time, I swear she does it on purpose. She's potty training and she's never wet just stinks to high heaven. That little booger! So at the time Mel was next to me on a machine so I left my stuff there with her to guard my machine and went to get my kid to change her as quickly as humanly possible. I figure with Mel there she can protect my machine, not like the last time this happened, when I left my towel and mp3 player on the machine and came back and some little skinny perky blonde girl was on the machine and had sat my stuff on the window sill. Fortunately for her there was another machine open, otherwise I might have considered dragging her happy slappy behind off of that machine by her hair, ok maybe not, can't get too ghetto up at the gym, but still. So I got on a machine almost right behind her, she comes over when she gets done and was like, oh I'm so sorry, I didn't realize you were still on it, I just thought you forgot your stuff. How do you forget an mp3 player? Most people usually keep them attached to their heads. And all the people that were up there on the other machines that saw the girl that works at the gym come over to get me and saw me hop off the machine, why didn't ne'er one of them say a word when this broad came and hopped on my machine. But anywho, I digress!
So I was thinking last night...
Which is something I try not to do when I am not at work getting paid to do so. But I started to put together a list of all the things in Milwaukee, Wisconsin or just in general that have made it way too easy for me over the past few years to stay a member of the Curvy Girl Club. So here's my top 10 list:
- Kopp's Frozen Custard - If you have never had frozen custard, you have never been to heaven! I have gotten in a car accident for this stuff before! (Right, Kye?) Culver's is a close second.
- After club runs to Jalisco's, Ma Fischer's, or Pizza Shuttle
- We are the "Dairy State," which may also mean we are the "Fat State" -- Although Men's Fitness Magazine said Milwaukee was the 15th fittest city in 2005 (http://www.mensfitness.com/rankings/304) I think someone lied to them, there are a whole lotta chunky people walking around here, I've seen them!
- Cheese - So being the "Dairy State" you know we like our cheese, american cheese, cheddar cheese, string cheese, mozzarella cheese, provolone cheese, cheese with sausage chunks in it (don't ask), shredded cheese, sliced cheese, cheese cubes, cheese curds, fried cheese on a stick (thanks to State Fair, some people will fry anything!) , heck we even have the famous Mars Cheese Castle! http://www.marscheese.com/
- Speaking of Frying stuff - At State Fair they bring a new meaning to friend foods. No offense to any of my Caucasian friends, but I used to think that black folks would fry some of anything, the Wisconsin State Fair proves y'all have got us beat, hands down! These fools fry cheese, twinkies, snickers, oreos, and who knows what else. And lets not mention the infamous cream puffs and human size turkey legs.
- Work - Every time I look up there is an email going out that there is some free food in the breakroom. Note to people at work: STOP THAT $HIT! Every time you send one of those emails, I just have to walk down there to see what it is and once I get there, I may as well take some since I did all the work to get down there! That is if it is packaged properly, I can't just be taking food that everyone has been digging in with who knows what. That's a story for another day!
- Going to the Club - It is a guarantee that when you go to the club you will see someone that looks a hot mess! That person will look so horrible that you will feel real, real, real good about yourself and comfortable about your place in this world! i.e. I went to Da Jungle last Saturday, there was this girl there that looked like she running a close second to me to being the president of the Chunky Butt Club, but she had the nerve to have on some spandex looking (I say looking, because they may have just been that tight that they appeared to be, but I am not sure) pants and a gold trashy looking top with spaghetti straps that looked like it came of the 99% off clearance rack at Rainbow! At that moment I felt sexy as he!!
- Valet - There's valet everywhere these days. They have valet at the mall. Y'all are really making this too easy. You mean I don't have to park my car in another county to get in the mall, all I have to do is hand my keys to some little 18 year old who will go park it for me, and then when I am done spending all the money I don't have he will book his little scrawny butt back out to the back of the parking lot to go get my car for me? Seriously, STOP THAT! MAKE ME WALK, trust I need it!
- Family style restaurants - What if you don't go with your family? Do you really think I am just going to let all that perfectly good food go to waste? I am not going to ask for a doggy bag or a to go box, because chances are 3 out of 4 times, I will forget it after I pay the check and leave it sitting on the table anyway, which means I just wasted my money and some perfectly good food. BLASPHEMY I SAY!
- (drum roll please) My girls from the Miami trip will know this is the truth....BIG GIRLS ARE IN THIS YEAR!
If you can think of anything that has made it just that much easier for you to keep those pounds on over time, holla at your girl!
Until next time, peeps!