Phat to Fabulous!

28 February 2006

Last day to vote for's "Blog of the Week"

Don't forget to go to and vote "Phat to Fabulous!" for Blog of the week! Wednesday is the last day to vote!

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Thanks to everyone who has already voted!

Holla at ya girl!
The L
posted by Elle Jefe at 2/28/2006 09:53:00 PM 0 comments

Phat Tuesday!

You can look me in my eyes, see I'm ready for whatever...Anythang don't kill me, make me better... (T.I. - Motivation)

YAY! A holiday for thick people all over the world! In all honesty today could have been an excuse to go and pig out. Am I Catholic? NO! Will I usually take any excuse possible to eat a brownie or that extra order of fries? He!! yeah!!! It really took everything in me today to keep from picking up a cheeseburger and fries in the cafeteria at work today, instead of that salad. I was soooooo tempted. I walked past the grill and it was screaming, "yoooooohoooooo, over here!" But I kept on pushing. It took even more willpower today to keep from deciding to go home and sitting on my a$$ tonight and watching American Idol tonight instead of going to the gym. I have TiVo, I don't have to be home right when a show comes home. I hate commercials anyway. So I made it to the gym. Not only did I make it to the gym, I actually pushed myself. I did a mile on the elliptical for the first time ever in under 8 minutes. 7:40 to be exact! Watch out there now! We may need to think of a new name for the holiday, Fat Tuesday might need to become Phat Tuesday if I spend it every year working my a$$ like I did this year.

Representin' for the big girls!

So everyone knows I am way too in to the reality tv thing! But aside from the fact that I am ecstatic that Moana got sent home in tears last night on "The Bachelor." Big girl Mandisa was doing the d@mn thing on American Idol. She was a little off in the beginning of the song, but those daggone big notes she hits more than makes up for the misses. On the other end of the spectrum, little Lisa Tucker and Paris Bennett making folks a little nervous back in that waiting room. CAN SOMEONE PLEASE SEND BRENNA'S A$$ HOME? I so wish you could vote negatively against someone to put them on a bus right back to wherever the he!! they came from, because my phone would be burning up for her and Heather Cox. Okay that's enough of my reality TV.

Today's Quote:

Food is like sex: when you abstain, even the worst stuff begins to look good.

~Beth McCollister

posted by Elle Jefe at 2/28/2006 09:14:00 PM 3 comments

27 February 2006

Shut Up, Vargas!

You got beat, face it! Your face looks like this!



"Sugar" Shane waxed that a$$. But he shouldn't feel bad. This is often what I feel like when I get out of the gym. The difference is, I don't whine about it like a little baby. This really deserved a post all its own.

I don't have a lot of time today, getting dinner situated for the kids, so that I can head to a friend's house for "The Bachelor - Season Finale." I am such a reality tv whore, its not even funny! I hope its not Moana, I can't stand her!

I will check in with you all tomorrow. Have a good night!

Today's Quote:

I am not a glutton - I am an explorer of food.

--Erma Bombeck

posted by Elle Jefe at 2/27/2006 07:12:00 PM 5 comments

25 February 2006

OK, so maybe VH1 wasn't a good idea either...

I forgot that they air the hot mess of a show, "Flavor of Love!" UGH!
posted by Elle Jefe at 2/25/2006 03:22:00 PM 0 comments

Why do I do this to myself?

So just a quick post, because I am pissed at myself. I have let myself continue to slip. Apparently the scolding I gave myself the other day didn't work! :) I forgot to weigh-in this past Tuesday, so I hopped on the scale this morning. I am back up to 230! Granted I understand everything can't go the way that we want it to, and this weight loss thing is not an easy challenge. I just need to make sure I don't lose my confidence and just get back on track. I am going to try to make it to the gym today. Positivity is the key!

My plan is to get back in touch with my trainer and do a little touch-up with my workout, I feel like I have plateaued with that lately as well.

Until next time!

Today's Quote:
Where do you go to get anorexia?
~Shelley Winters
posted by Elle Jefe at 2/25/2006 10:18:00 AM 0 comments

24 February 2006


So I have come to the conclusion that there is an evil plot between my children, their friends and my husband to keep me the same plump lovable woman I have grown, literally, to become. So today at work was stressful, we are in the process of moving our office, they told my boss that we wouldn't be moving today until about 4 pm, I got to work at 7:45 am and the computer guy was there asking if he could take my monitor, docking station, keyboard and mouse. Well what the hell did I come to work for today! So I kept a positive attitude for as long as I could, but at the point at which the mover came to my desk at 10:30 am and asked for my chair I called it a day. I came home to work for the rest of the day. I think it was the best decision for all involved!

So I got quite a bit of stuff done here, today. I get dressed for the gym before I head out to go get kids. Now just some background for you: I share a nanny with my friend. She normally comes to our house, however she just had a baby about a month ago and decided that in an effort to minimize her maternity leave, that if we were willing to bring the kids to her, she would come back to work after only 2 weeks off. Seems easy enough, yeah that's what I thought. So I call the my nanny to tell her I am on my way to come get the kids. She says no problem they are ready they already have their shoes on, it takes me like 20 minutes to get to her house. It was about 4:45 pm when I called her, so I figured I could get Kennedy and my friend's daughter, Aniah, and head to the gym and be there by 5:30 pm. We all know my life can never just be that simple. I get there with my oldest daughter and walk in the door, Kennedy now has on one shoe and Aniah is completely naked. Now, Kennedy is infamous for never having on shoes, so that was no surprise. But why in the hot he!! is Aniah butt naked? Well, apparently, after I spoke to the nanny on the phone Aniah decided that she had to go to the bathroom (potty training is a b!tch) so she went in the bathroom. Jenny, the nanny, was just finishing washing her hands, in the two seconds it took for her to follow Aniah into the bathroom, this child had taken her pants down and had proceeded to get poop on everything. Her hair, her shirt, her socks, her shoes, and everything within a $hitting distance! WTF! So Jenny had to give her a bath and change her clothes. By the time I left Jenny's it was 5:45 and I still had to meet Nicole to drop her off and get to the gym. At that point I called it a wash. I wouldn't have gotten out of the gym until after 7:30 pm, the kids wouldn't have had dinner, there was just really no point.

Oh but that's not the end. So I talk to my husband, he's making dinner. I am thankful, one less thing I have to worry about. I get home and I smell the grease! This man, oooh I love him, but this man has made fried chicken, actually fried french fries, made corn on the cob and is asking me if I wants some d@mn biscuits! You are joking right! Now, I have said before, he is determined to lose weight too. What in the world would make you fry up an entire dinner unless you were trying to keep me from being divalicious! I mean d@mn I already look good, but sabotage is not the way to keep me from my destiny of fabulousness. I smell a C-O-N-SPIRACY here folks! And it stinks of Crisco I say! I must rise up and revolt against the evil things in my house, now apparently, I have Thing 1 (Kennedy), Thing 2 (Jordan), and now the Cat in the Hat, himself (my husband). People I say to my family today, STOP THAT $HIT! *singing* Like Cain and Abel, Caesar and Brutus, Jesus and Judas, Backstabbers do this...Forgive them father for they know not what they do, Forgive them father for they know not what they dooooooo! (I can name that song in three shakes!) Lauryn Hill, Forgive them Father (The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill, the best album of all times!)

Today's Quote:
In the Middle Ages, they had guillotines, stretch racks, whips and chains. Nowadays, we have a much more effective torture device called the bathroom scale.
~Stephen Phillips
posted by Elle Jefe at 2/24/2006 08:11:00 PM 0 comments

Boy I could really go for one of these?

Mojito from Cafe Versailles in Little Havana, Miami, FL
posted by Elle Jefe at 2/24/2006 06:39:00 PM 0 comments

23 February 2006

OMG, who's body is this?

So I wondered today, when did I get fat? *whining like a baby* Someone stole my real body and I want it back now!

10 years ago I was a senior in high school, I wore a size 12, maybe. I wouldn't really have known, because I was a Tom boy who had a body, but hated to show it. I wore baggy boys jeans and sweatpants with huge hoody sweatshirts and baseball caps. I was active and didn't have to worry about sitting down and eating an entire container of cookies. I was bigger, as far as weight, than all of my friends. I always have been. I have always been the one with the big chest and the curves, but when I was younger I didn't know what to do with those things because no one else had them.

One year after graduating from high school I was smaller than I had ever been in life. Most people gain that freshman 15? Not me, I hated dorm food at Marquette, so I lived off of the salad bar, the large variety of cereal with the occasional taco bar or potato bar celebration! Those were special nights! I worked 2 jobs on top of my 18 credit schedule, sang in the gospel choir and was the queen of partying all night. I know those two things are contradictions of themselves, hey one side of me never met the other! :) On top of all of that I found a way to make it to the gym at least 4 days a week if not more. I was weighing maybe about 135 lbs., if that and I wore a size 8. I had a stomach to die for! This is the year I met my husband.

Let's fast forward, 3 years. I was planning my wedding one year after having Jordan. I was bigger than I had ever been, a size 16. I was knocking on the door of 200 lbs. and wondering where oh where had my flat stomach gone? WTF! My thighs rubbed together and I had an a$$ that I could use as a shelf. The busy life caught up to me, I was working like crazy taking care of my daughter and finishing up school as a super senior in school. I think I had to have been on drugs, I really don't know where I got all that energy from.

3 years after this, I decided now is the time. I must lose this weight once and for all. I started Weight Watchers and actually lost about 20 lbs. I had gone up to a 18/20, but got back to more like a 16. Surprise, surprise we got pregnant. WTF! Ok, well I guess that's on hold.

Just this past December, I couldn't take it any more! I weighed more than I did in my ninth month of pregnancy with either one of my girls and even the old maternity pants I had been keeping around were getting tight. This is bull$hit!

How did this happen? Where did my waist go? Did I really just eat that? What do my feet look like? When was the last time I shopped in the non-plus sized section of the store? The side of the store where there are not huge floral grandma mumus, where pants have more on the waist than an elastic band and where the numbers to the sizes don't have a "W" behind the number. Stands for widea$$!

Am I the only one that thinks that the last years of their life was a blur and you woke up in a fat person's body? Is this invasion of the body snatchers? WTF happened! I must find the skinny me once again, she's in there somewhere. Its going to take a he!! of a lot of digging but I am going to find her in there, somewhere.

Goodnight sweetheart...
...well its time to go, bah bah dum duh dum! Sorry but you guys know you missed my random outbursts in song! I went the gym, maybe over my disgust with myself for slipping back some over the past hectic week or so, I got a really good workout. I need to do my crunches before I go to bed. There's just something wrong with doing them at the gym. MY a$$ in the air with a big red fitness ball between my legs is really not what I consider a pleasant view! Plus, as usual with a good workout, I stink and I am sure that if I go to bed like this, my husband might just kick my a$$ out of the bed!

I'm out! Holla at your girl!

Today's Quote #2:
It's okay to be fat. So you're fat. Just be fat and shut up about it.
~Roseanne Barr
posted by Elle Jefe at 2/23/2006 09:00:00 PM 0 comments

Vote for Phat to Fabulous!

Hello good people of Blogland! I come to you today in peace! I bear no gifts, mainly because I'm poor and I am not sure how many gifts I would need. However I come to you with a plea, a request, ok, well I am shamelessly begging that you visit today to vote for my blog! My blog is included in this week's contest for "Blog of the Week." You have between Feb. 23 - March 1 to place your votes. So go vote today! Thank you and good day fine peeps!

Why are you still reading this? Scoot, go vote!!
posted by Elle Jefe at 2/23/2006 10:59:00 AM 2 comments

Do those boxing gloves come in any other colors?

So in an attempt to boost my workout, my husband and I have considered enrolling for boxing lessons at Milwaukee's Duke Roufus Gym. Classes are a little expensive, however it might be worth it. If you are a member at the gym you can attend any classes throughout the week that you would like. You can be as dedicated as you want, no matter if your goal is to actually fight or just get in shape.

Personally, I love boxing, hence my infatuation with Laila Ali. In case you care I also, like Lennox Lewis and, of course, the Puerto Rican wonder, Felix "Tito" Trinidad! Anyway, I have been looking into a lot of resources about boxing, especially for women and there has been a big increase in the desire for women's boxing information ever since everyone saw "Million Dollar Baby." Which was a really good movie! I just wanted to pass on something I found. I might check it out and see how this goes. It is a boxing workout that you can do at home. It has information on techniques and tips for Shadowboxing and it also includes a long program. Not sure if anyone else cares, but thought it couldn't hurt to pass it along. - femail boxing news, tips and more (this is not the website for the boxer)
Boxing Workout

Anyway, I should get to work. Our office is moving tomorrow and I have a few more boxes to pack. I will post another real post later! Until next time peeps!

BTW - Today you get two quotes for the price of one! You can expect another quote with my post later today.

Today's Quote #1:
The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you're off it.
-- Jackie Gleason
posted by Elle Jefe at 2/23/2006 10:21:00 AM 0 comments

22 February 2006

I really need to stop watching MTV!

So life for me has really been crazy busy and hectic. I made it to the gym yesterday, but not today by the time I made it home to get changed I wouldn't have had enough time to make it the gym for a decent workout. I need to really get back in my groove I don't want to lose my momentum. I have 5 months, 1 week and 6 days until I depart for Caribana and I am determined to do so in style. Lately with all of the craziness going on in my life, I have had too many late nights up watching television. Why oh why I always end up with my television on MTV, I don't know but I really need to stop that $hit! Nothing good has come from me watching stuff on MTV. So last night, I am doing my crunches and I catch on television, True Life: I'm on Steroids. I must make it a point to say that as I watched this madness, I vowed to myself I would not watch this hot a$$ mess again. Especially as I saw previews for True Life: I'm a competitive Eater! That $hit is nasty! Anyway back to the subject at hand. This episode of True Life followed the lives of Peter, Roger and Brian.

Peter - Peter gets steroid shots in the a$$ that are administered by a "family friend," whole scenario seems kind of questionable if you ask me, in hopes of getting the cover of a fitness magazine. All those nights letting his "family friend" poke him in the backside only partially pay off, he gets a spread in a fitness magazine, but not a cover. He decides that the anabolic steroids probably aren't the way to go. Uh, Duh?

Roger - Roger is a martial artist that takes steroids to help his game. He gets shots in the a$$ by his "dealer" who of course only appears on the screen as a blurry circle with a voice and body. He goes pro and decides maybe he should stop taking steroids before someone finds out. He wins fight after fight steroid free after that. Good idea Rog, you really weren't getting that buff anyway!

Brian - Oh Brian, where to begin. Brian was not so subtly gay and wanted to get the attention of the pretty people in the world by having a "hot body." Brian got his steroids from any number of sources hoping that he's getting his money's worth and not getting a deadly batch. Apparently, winning a strip contest at the local club is really worth all of this! Um, yeah no, not so much! Brian ends up going into a nutty downward spiral and getting depressed which he then blames on the steroids that he was before loving for all of his newfound attention, go figure!

Needless to say, all of this made me think, I haven't done that in a while, been too busy. And I have come up with yet another countdown. Reasons why not to take steroids:
  1. You get all of the emotions of Jekyll, Hyde, Larry, Curly, Moe and any number of Snow White's friends
  2. You get large amounts of scary acne that make you look like a connect the dots book that my five year-old owns
  3. Your manly parts become a lot less manly
  4. If your a chick, your girly parts become a lot more manly
  5. Its not a good idea to inject yourself with anything that comes by Priority mail from Dubai with hand drawn do-it-yourself instructions
  6. You really aren't getting that buff anyway, if you are going to take them shouldn't you look like Lou Ferrigno or something?
  7. You have to have some guy named Vinnie come and give you a shot in your a$$! Are you really comfortable with that?
Its VH1 for me from here on out!
So tonight I have decided to change up from MTV to VH1. So far, I have yet to be annoyed or completely disgusted yet, except for that two seconds where they showed Puffy's mama, Janice Combs! Ugh! Anyway, I got a little motivation from Celebrity Fit Club. Next week is the finale, I will have to make sure to watch, there have been some big changes on there and I am excited to see how they all end up. I could take some cues from them. Hmmm, VH1 is now my channel of choice? Am I getting old? I'm only on my 2nd anniversary of my 25th birthday!

Back to business!
Tomorrow I really need to get back in business. I have prepared my notebook to keep track of my food. I plan to hit the grocery store, I am running low on my veggies and fruits. I need to get some refills. That will definitely help me to stay on track.

Time for nighty night! TTFN! Send me your positive vibes, so I can get back on the road to fabulous-ness!!

Today's Quote:
I have gained and lost the same ten pounds so many times over and over again my cellulite must have dÃjà vu.
--Jane Wagner
posted by Elle Jefe at 2/22/2006 09:39:00 PM 0 comments

20 February 2006

Did you miss me?

So its been a minute, but I have had some $hit going on the past few days. I just needed a breather and didn't have time for much of anything. After last Thursday's mess, I didn't really think it could get any worse, boy was I HELLA WRONG! Friday at work was some mess, I got out of there so late that I never even made it to the gym. It was like -8 out with windchills of like -1,000,000, ok so I am exaggerating but come on it was cold. OK random thought about that, on the news they say wind chills of -50 or whatever for the day. And they always remind you that the wind chills are based off of an adult's body and the temperatures will feel even colder to small children. Seriously, when it gets that cold do you really care if the wind chill is -15 or -20! It's fu%king cold, period! Do you really need to say more. Anywho, so I missed the gym, made it home in time to feed the kids, get them to bed and get dressed in order go out for Martinis with a friend. Yeah tell me why I thought it was a good idea to do that. How about I leave home to go pick her up and I am driving along and the idiot in front of me crashes into a fu%king fire hydrant! How about my car ended up covered in water, I ended up driving a moving popsicle. I am sure Mazda didn't even know that they had Strato Blue Mica popsicles out there! WTF! After that I needed a drink! Anyway what does this have to do with me losing weight, not much other than the fact that this $hit was stressful and ya girl really would have went for a pint of ice cream, but I didn't, I just enjoyed a Flirtini from Hotel Metro and then for whatever reason decided it was a good idea to walk, you heard me right, walk around the corner to Havanas for a mojito and a Red Stripe (Real Jamaican Lager)! It was cold as he!! I messed up my buzz, but I was feeling ok at the end of the night!

True Life: I'm Obese!
So I am at home yesterday cleaning, my house really needed it, and I finish watching way too many episodes of Real World/Road Rules Challenge and True Life: I'm Obese comes on. Now the show has 3 different people on it that it is following. There is 500 lb. Amy who is afraid that if she doesn't do something that she could die at age 27; 17 year-old Corey who thinks he is addicted to food, and 24 year-old Frances who is comfortable in her 215 lbs. frame and is a plus sized model. The show held my attention, because you felt sorry for Amy, Frances was so confident it was almost nauseating, and you wanted to smack Corey sometimes as you watched him get his panties in a bunch for getting a salad from Chick-Fil-A for dinner instead of McDonald's #1 meal!

Seriously, it was sad to see Amy go to a restaurant and break into tears when a little girl passes and says, "Oh wow, she's so big!" She has to get special therapy for the layers of fat that have built up around her legs and she can barely walk up and down the three stairs to get in and out of her house, when she does leave. Amy is preparing herself to have bariatric surgery. There is a Corey who eats numerous Double Cheese burgers and fried foods every day and hopes that he gets the approval from his doctor to have gastrointestinal surgery. Until then, however he will continue to eat the same crap he always has and continues to put on the pounds even though the surgery is not promised. Yet, in his defiance to continue to eat the same stuff he cries then flips the script and cries about not feeling good about his body. I understand that people really do have an addiction to food, but his mom is trying, at least some to get him to break these habits and he is relying on his hope to have this surgery. What if it doesn't happen, then what? Does he end up 500 lbs. like Amy? Then there was Frances....oh lordy was there Frances. Frances was a boisterous 24 year-old plus sized model. Frances was very confident in her skin and loved spending time with her friends who were also, obese. Its great to see someone confident, regardless of what main stream society thinks. She was determined to go out for the modeling jobs whether they requested plus sized models or not. (Even though in my opinion she really wasn't all that cute.) However, you have to wonder if that confidence will be a detriment to her. Will her high level of confidence allow her to continue her unhealthy eating habits causing long lasting health problems like many other obese woman and men. Especially, with the health risks that face African-Americans you want to just scream at her to be careful.

After watching that show I think I never want to eat again. One comment on the show, I read from someone said, is there such a thing as a chastity belt for your appetite. Well if there is can I get one sent to me overnight priority delivery?

I stink...

And therefore I am going to get off of here and hop my behind into the shower. I got a pretty good workout tonight.

Today's Quote:

I bought a talking refrigerator that said Oink every time I opened the door. It made me hungry for pork chops.

~Marie Mott


posted by Elle Jefe at 2/20/2006 09:18:00 PM 3 comments

16 February 2006

You wouldn't say that $hit if I was skinny!

So have you ever paid attention to the differences in responses or faces that people make when a fat person says something versus a skinny person. Well I thought about some of them and this is some of what I came up with.

I tell you people this world is rough. And to help us with our whoas and figuring out how to handle dealing with being on the chunkier side of the table, we have skinny b!tches like Tyra Banks and Vanessa Minillo (don't know if I spelled that right, that's the chick from MTV and Entertainment Tonight!) who decide that in order to feel the pain of chunky butt Americans everywhere that they should put on a 300 lbs. fat suit to see what it is really like.

That face Vanessa is making in the fat suit is just wrong. But still these people are tripping! Are they really serious? I understand being empathetic to your target audience, but come on now isn't this taking it a bit far. That's almost as crazy as this. I suppose it is great that they want to take the time to experience what it is like for someone who is fat or overweight, but at the end of the day you can take that off. Me I still have my second a$$ to keep me company. Just my thought!
I am a little bitter today, I didn't make it to the gym last night, because we had an open house for our new building at work and I didn't get out of there until 7. Then I had to deal with some 5 year old kid drama and then I got up this morning made my lunch breakfast and snack and left it all sitting on the freaking kitchen sink. And to top it all off its a freaking blizzard outside. I hate Wisconsin!
I am going to stop for today, before I type something I might regret. Although that's what editing is for! :) TTFN - Ta Ta For Now!
Today's Quote:
I follow two diets; one doesn't give me enough to eat!
posted by Elle Jefe at 2/16/2006 01:29:00 PM 0 comments

15 February 2006

So Sick!

*singing* said I'm so sick of love songs, so tired of tears, so sick...of this freaking song! This has nothing to do with anything other than my need to rant and rave, but when that song came out by Ne-Yo I liked it, but now just like everything else, it is so overplayed, I am so sick of "So Sick."

So I digress...

So I got my new Essence Magazine yesterday with Tyler Perry and the ladies from Madea's Family Reunion on the cover. I haven't really gotten a chance to look at it too much, but there is an article in there that immediately grabbed my attention. The teaser on the cover of the magazine says, "How I lost 110 pounds Without Surgery." I saw that and I was like hot d@mn it must be my handbook. The article was short, but good it was about 25 year old Caroline Jhingory, who while a student at Fisk University finally decided it was time to make a change. She put down the fried foods, sugars and starch and started exercising. Some key things she says that she picked up in time spent working with specialists at the fitness center she joined were the following:

Over 3 years Caroline successfully went from 270 lbs to 160 lbs and she is still working at it. If you pick up an Essence Magazine you will see before and after pictures, she literally looks like a completely different person. More motivation for me!

Speaking of motivation...

Terri asked me to tell everyone that she is a fat a$$ to see if that would work in motivating her. (DISCLAIMER: I would like it to be known that I am in no way responsible for that comment, nor do I actually think she is a fat a$$, I am just doing as I am told. Must do my best to please the masses!) Hey Terri! Did that work?

I made it to the gym last night...

And I accomplished getting in a full workout without getting tired or just plain out quitting. I also managed to get through my workout with out any distractions from the Kids room to come and change Thing 1 or any injuries from Thing 2.

Kennedy - "Thing 1"
Jordan - "Thing 2"

It was truly a miracle. I was so excited I went home and did some Valentine's Day Crunches! They weren't anything different from my regular crunches, but I thought I should say something with a little flare! Anywho, I am off now to pretend I am doing some work for just a bit longer.

Today's Quote:

The older you get the harder it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have become good friends.


posted by Elle Jefe at 2/15/2006 02:48:00 PM 5 comments

14 February 2006

Found it!

So I found the tape measure, it was hidden in the kitchen of all places. So I am stinky and tired from going to the gym, but here are the measurements.
Happy Valentine's Day! Time for bed, night, night!
posted by Elle Jefe at 2/14/2006 09:26:00 PM 2 comments

Does someone want my child?

So I go to weigh and measure myself this morning, because unfortunately it is that time again and I can't find my d@mn tape measure anywhere. It was rolled up all nicely in my bathroom and now its gone. I ask Jordan, my 5 year old, "Have you seen mommy's tape measure?" She says, "No, well ummm I think Kennedy (my almost 2 year old) had it." WTF! This is what I don't understand, Kennedy could pick her nose and Jordan feels the need to come running, "Mommy, Kennedy's picking her nose!" (Who cares its her nose, come yelling when she's picking your's!) But you see her with something you know good and darn well she shouldn't have and you don't say a word? How does that make sense? To a normal adult, it doesn't, however if you are 5, makes perfect since! Needless to say, I still don't know where my d@mn tape measure is, however I did manage to hop my butt on the scale. So here we go...
That means that since last week I somehow managed to lose 2 lbs. Since I started this blog I have managed to lose 3 lbs. Total since I started working out I have lost 18 lbs. In all honestly, I was completely surprised when I got on the scale, I was not expecting the numbers to change at all let alone go down. After this weekend, who'da thunk it! Now hopefully if I stick with it this week, I won't gain those 2 lbs right back.

*singing* I won't tell your secrets, your secrets are safe with meeeeeee...
Sorry, I was singing again, but I haven't done that in a minute. So I was thinking about those guilty pleasures we all have. I have plenty of them, especially when it comes to my music, I love me some "white people music" as my husband would tell you. Coldplay, Maroon 5, Joss Stone, Hall & Oates (*singing* Sara smiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiile, won't you smile a while for me, Saraaaaaa), Phil Collins, Michael McDonald, the list is really endless. That all comes from me being such a music whore though. I even can get into classical and opera. Hey what can I say, I used to play in the Milwaukee Youth Symphony Orchestra, ya girl is cultured. But think about it I have an eclectic taste in music, to put it mildly, I know. But I have other guilty pleasures other than the fact that "I can't live without my radio" and I love "My Adidas," most of my guilty pleasures are food. Anything chocolate and I am there. A good plate of Cuban food from Cafe Versailles in Little Havana with a side of a tall mojito and its nap time. To top it off carbohydrates will be the death of me. I eat more pasta, rice and breads than the average human. Trying to break myself of these vices has just become a real b!tch, although some have been easier than others. Now Cafe Versailles was an easy one. Seeing as how I live in Milwaukee, WI and 3555 S.W. 8th St., Miami, FL, USA is mapped to only be about 1557 miles away from where I live, believe me I checked, that really wasn't the difficult one. Now, keeping me from trying to turn my kitchen into Cafe Versailles for New Years (see below) was a little more difficult, but I am getting better!

Tostones, empanadas, yellow rice, red beans and rice. (Not pictured: 2 homemade traditional (not green) key lime pies, plantain chips with mojo sauce, black beans and homemade guacamole.

Now I can tell you chocolate has been difficult. I have been known to hit up a vending machine multiple times a day. However, as of recently I haven't been hitting it at all. I am getting my chocolate fixes by the 1 cup of hot chocolate I allow to replace my daily green tea once a week. The carbs are still a struggle, but I suppose everything in stride little whoadie, everything in stride!

Maybe I can just speak my desire for great dreams of weight loss into existence, like Cherry tried to do with her bust on that one episode of Punky Brewster, ("I must, I must, I must increase my bust.") Ok, maybe not. I guess I will just take my lazy a$$ to the gym again. Until next time.

Today's Quote:

I've decided that perhaps I'm bullimic and just keep forgetting to purge.

--Paula Poundstone

posted by Elle Jefe at 2/14/2006 01:21:00 PM 0 comments

13 February 2006

And one more thing...

After my post on freegans the other day, I find it hilarious that all of the ads on my blog are now for garbage cans!
posted by Elle Jefe at 2/13/2006 11:15:00 PM 0 comments

Plate or no plate, that is the question?

So in all of my travels this weekend, I pondered which was better plate or no plate. I went to a get together yesterday for a friend's daughter's birthday. As usual with these gatherings there is this evil table that includes all kinds of goodies that I definitely should keep myself away from. Of course you can never restrain yourself, so you try to see how many handfuls of Doritos you can get without anyone noticing. So plate or no plate? You figure if you don't get a plate it makes it more difficult to quantify how much $hit you really ate, versus if you piled it all high on a plate. But without a plate you look like the pig that goes over to the table 20 times over. Which is worse? I personally opt for the sly let me stroll past the table move, so I can grab a chip or two here and there, without anyone noticing, hopefully! Well those tables are evil! They are covered in calories, they automatically get refilled when something runs out, and they are right at hand height. Its just wrong! Party-throwers world wide, I say to you today, STOP THAT $HIT! I am here today to take a stand. My hips will no longer be victims of your delectable treats, my thighs will no longer be thunderous to the lightening strikes of your refilling bowls, my lips will no longer call out "Who ate the last corn chip", and my a$$ will no longer get its groove on to the sound of your crunchy goodness. I take a stand today! I will not befriend you any longer, you are evil and filled with tasty, yummy hate and from today forward I will stand on the other side of the room and look at you in complete and utter disgust! (Dang, I am on a roll today!)

Disclaimer: This message also applies to the following: buffet tables, all-you-can-eat restaurants (i.e. Ponderosa, Mold Country Buffet, Westins, Golden Corral, etc.) and office lunch/breakrooms world wide.

Anywho, I digress...
So the weekend was truly a test. A test, I believe, I failed. I suppose we are all allowed that one slip. I plan to not slip anymore. I have just under 6 months until Caribana and I plan to be able to shop in a non-plus sized store before I head to that trip. This weekend was in no way help in getting there though. I haven't made it to the gym since Friday, plus between my girls and my husband, I was running all weekend. To top it off, Saturday's festivities included going out to Louise's on Cathedral Park for dinner, which means I ate a huge Chicken Parmesan that I really didn't need. Go figure! Although, I did have a Tom Collins at Kenadee's which was sooooo good. I haven't had a Tom Collins in years. But this has to be my last slip. I can't take it, I have to stay focused and disciplined. Goal: Must only have one a$$ by August! I can take on the challenge.

Until next time peeps!

Today's Quote:
I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I am doing.
posted by Elle Jefe at 2/13/2006 02:32:00 PM 1 comments

Oatmeal Sucks!

And that's all I have to say about that!
posted by Elle Jefe at 2/13/2006 02:06:00 PM 0 comments

10 February 2006

Freeganism - WTF!!!

According to, Freeganism is defined as the following:

Freeganism is commonly understood as the practice of abstaining from any
consumer goods except in those cases where the goods are obtained for free and
have been divorced from the harm done by their production. The word "freegan" is
a portmanteau of the words free and vegan.

Basically, these are a bunch of tree hugging hippies who rather than taking the time and the money to take their behinds to the grocery store, they would rather go rummaging through the garbage cans of businesses across America to feed themselves.

You may be wondering what this has to do with my journey from Phat to Fabulous! Well, I went to the gym last night, which I had a pretty good workout. Came home, had dinner with the girls, got them bathed and to bed and hopped on my laptop to do some work. After the News, "Geraldo at Large" came on there were a few interesting stories on the one that really had me sitting there with a strange look on my face was when they did the teaser right before the commercial break about these nuts! I was very upset too that the show is syndicated (or so I think), so I was pretty sure that it wasn't necessarily on at the same time even if I did have nerve enough to call one of my friends at 11 at night just to say, "Do you see this $hit!" So after the commercial break, they come back and they show this group of very happy people, who refer to themselves as Freegans, scavenging the garbage bins of New York City. Then they all go home with their food and make dinner and have a happy hippy party. I say to you my good people, "WTF!" They then show the Head Grand Puba of the nut case clan and he is telling everyone how he has spent no money on food for the past 11 years! WTF! He proceeds to tell the reporter about how many billions of pounds of food American consumers waste each year.

So I started thinking, we all know this is dangerous. If I were a Freegan I would be Fabulous, now not that I am going to take up that lifestyle or anything, because there's no way in he!! I would seriously eat that stuff. Then I thought some more and I came up with the Top 10 reasons why I could not be a Freegan. Of course, since I used all of that brain power to come up with a list, why not share it right? So here you go...

The Top 10 reasons why The L would not be a Freakin' Freegan:

  1. I shave my armpits (from the looks of some of those people, it appeared that the general consensus was that they do not).
  2. Hippies went out of style in the 60s.
  3. You can't make me, even if you had a gun, its probably recycled and doesn't work anyway.
  4. You expect me to believe you wash you hands, you don't even look like you wash you a$$, don't touch my food even if it did come out of the Giants dumpster.
  5. What's that smell?
  6. Are you f%&*ing serious?
  7. One man's garbage is still my garbage, leave that $hit alone!
  8. Is that sanitary?
  9. Unless there's a $600 BCBG purse in the bottom of that bag, I am not digging in it!
  10. I like being wasteful its gotten me this far just fine.

I feel better! Well that's all for me today, you folks have a good weekend. Be healthy, be safe and be Fabulous!

Today's Quote:

Whenever, I think about exercise, I lie down 'til the thought passes. -- Robert Maynard Hutchins

posted by Elle Jefe at 2/10/2006 01:44:00 PM 0 comments

09 February 2006

Don't talk to strangers!

As kids we all grew up with our parents constantly telling us, "Don't talk to strangers!" They put the fear of GOD in us, that if you say, "Hello," or even grunt at a stranger there is a possibility you will be abducted like that little boy on that movie in the 80s, "Adam." Well apparently that rule does not carry over into your adult years when in very obvious cases it really should.

So Monday night, Mel and I are in the locker room at the gym packing up our things to leave, while discussing the commercials from the Super Bowl on Sunday. There are probably two or three other people in the locker room at the time, particularly there was one girl who was getting undressed to get ready to work out. I always try not to make eye contact with these people, as I don't want to make eye contact with someone who is taking their bra off! Well apparently, this girl was very interested in our conversation about the Super Bowl and felt the need to chime in while still half naked. ISN'T THERE A RULE AGAINST THIS? Aside from the rule, "Don't talk to strangers," apparently we need a stated rule, "Don't talk to strangers while you are half naked!" Let me tell it to you like this, I don't talk to my friends while they or I are half naked, I sure as he!! don't want to talk to you while you are half naked and I don't even know you like that, dawg! Why are you comfortable talking to me while wearing what Victoria has specifically told us should be a secret? Aren't secrets usually something you keep quiet? How about you try that? BE QUIET, YOU HAVE NO FREAKING CLOTHES ON YOU MORON! And once you do get dressed, don't talk to me either, because I, unlike you, DON'T TALK TO STRANGERS!

And while we are on the subject of not talking to strangers. I don't want to talk to anyone when I am on the elliptical looking like I am about to die and can't breath, either! Why is it that when I get on a machine in the corner closest to the tv, away from everyone else (for a reason), with my headphones on at least once a week, I look up and see that the person next to me's lips are moving and they are looking at me because, apparently they are talking to me! WTF! Why is this a good idea? Oh yeah, its not! GO AWAY!

Okay, I am better now, I got that off my chest!

My Workout...
So I made it to the gym last night, and no matter what Mel tells anyone, I do not own pink workout pants! ;) I did my workout and I didn't die, that's a good sign, huh? Nothing too exciting, I managed to get three-quarters of the way through my workout before they came to put me on diaper alert. This time I was told, "We think she's wet, but we aren't sure. We asked her if she was wet and she said 'no,' and proceeded to tell us that she had teeth!" Well that's good to know, she hasn't lost them since we arrived! I go to check her, this time she wasn't wet, but we did go to the bathroom and she used it, maybe this potty training thing is working after all!

I also, managed to see another person that I knew last night. I don't think this one recognized me though. He used to work with my husband like 8 years ago, so I doubt he would recognize me. He still looked the same, kind of round. The only reason I remember this guy so well, was because he came over for dinner one night and wrecked our bathroom. You don't do that on your first visit to someone's house, that's just wrong! You will not be invited over again, needless to say I don't think we ever invited him over again.

Today's Quote:
I'm allergic to food, I break out in fat!
posted by Elle Jefe at 2/09/2006 11:11:00 AM 0 comments

08 February 2006

I figured out my problem...

I only lost a pound, because in the words of one American Idol auditioner with an uncanny resemblance to Clay Aiken and a very disturbing affection for doing the "Beyonce Booty Hop" said, "I'm just nervous as hell, and I've got to pee!" Do you think that was it? No, well hey it was worth a try, I suppose it didn't work from him either!

Anywho, I made it to the gym yesterday. I got there late, but that was alright. The poopy bandit struck again, however this time she at least was kind enough to wait until I was done with my 36 minutes on the elliptical. How kind of her. She has made a new boyfriend I think, she has somehow managed to have grown men dancing like idiots at her beckoning call. It is a truly comical when I look over to the kids room during my workout and I see a grown 6'2ish" man dancing with his hands in the air and making faces at my daughter. Either he needs to get out more, or she has a way with men. Also, congratulations to me, I think I must have hit record speed last night, doing 4.17 miles in 36 minutes! Yippee for me! I haven't done less that a 12 minute mile since high school. It kind of felt good. The trick I have found is hiding the numbers from myself, I cover the control panel up with my towel so I don't pay attention to the time or the distance or any of that. I just listen to my music and watch ESPN and the time flies.

Make that 4!
Remember yesterday's post about how I hate running into people at the gym. So I finished posting that, left work, went to get the kids and then went to the gym and half way through my workout I look up and there's yet one more person I went to high school with. I really need to get away from Milwaukee. This place is too daggone small!

George Carlin once said, "Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things."
Last night no one would have been petting me and that's for d%mn sure! I was one nasty sweaty mess. I almost didn't want to get in the car with myself to go home. Yes, it was really that bad. Now, I understand that the sweat was just a sign that I was working hard, but you never knew how many different places you sweat until you go to the gym in heather grey pants. I was all excited because last weekend I picked up some yoga pants and a few t-shirts from Lady Foot Locker for pretty cheap. The stuff is really comfy and I got two pair of pants and five shirts for $50!! Great deal. However, note to self, light colors are not attractive once you sweat. Last night, I looked like I pee'd on myself. Not cute! This was fortunately after running into random people that I knew at the gym. That would have been even less attractive!

Something to check out...
So I went out to the website today to see what kind of women's stuff they had out there and noticed a section under their Women's pages with workouts. Its kind of neat, you get move by move instruction on how to do the workout and then you put it all together. I haven't tried it yet, but it looks like it might not be something bad to give a shot at on one of those days when I can't make it to the gym. Take a peak for yourself!
Nike Workout Link
Today's Quote:
Some say the glass is half empty, some say the glass is half full, I say, are you going to drink that?
--Lisa Claymen
posted by Elle Jefe at 2/08/2006 10:20:00 AM 0 comments

07 February 2006

My Second Hit!

I must say that sadly I am getting used to this. It has been a week since I posted my statistics and unfortunately this morning it was time for me to do another weigh/measure-in. I must say that I am sad that my eating this weekend probably held me back from where I could have been, but I accept my slacker-like responsibility in that! So here we go...

While I am not happy that I only lost one pound, I have lost a significant of inches which is good, because it shows that I am firming up from all of the exercises. Imagine the results I could have gotten if I had stayed completely on track. I guess we will have to see next week.

Have you ever been this person...

So you go the gym, you don't attempt to look your best, because you are going to exercise and get sweaty and nasty, no need to look cute. Half way into your workout you look up and you see someone you know, used to know, whatever the situation. You think if I just don't make eye contact they won't see me. And then they glance your way, and you think look away fast. And then you hold steadfast to your hope that maybe in the however amount of time since you last saw them, you have put on just enough pounds that you aren't just instantly recognizable. You make it through your work out without making significant eye contact and you think you are in the clear. You go to the locker room get as cleaned up as you are going to get and get your coat to head out the door. On your way out you stop for a drink of water turnaround turn to head straight for the door, and you danggone near walk dead into the person. Who then turns and says, "Hey how are yoooouuuuu doing?" D%MN, D%MN, D%MN!!!

If this has never happened to you, be thankful because its happened to me and I don't appreciate that mess. I go to the gym to be nasty and stinky and in my own world, I don't go to have to try and look cute and stuff. So far I have run into 2 or 3 people I went to high school with, 2 people I went to college with and 1 person I used to work with. I just have one thing to say Stop that $hit! I don't appreciate it one bit and its not funny that I then left only to run into someone I knew on the way home in the grocery store! Not funny!

Until Next time!

Today's Quote (Thanks Sue!):

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.

~Orson Wells

posted by Elle Jefe at 2/07/2006 03:33:00 PM 0 comments

06 February 2006

*rapping and nodding head with eyes closed* Once again, back is the incredible!

You all know by now that it is dangerous to leave me to my own devices. In case you are still trying to figure it out, that line was Chuck D in Public Enemy's "Bring Tha Noize" featuring Anthrax circa 1991. That takes me back to my black militant phase when I wore the Malcolm X glasses, had the Africa medallion, red, black and green Cross Colors outfit, with the black Bart Simpson shirt that said, "It's a black thing you wouldn't understand!". Those were some tragic days in the fashion history books. Thank God that most evidence of those days has been destroyed. Anyone reading this that still has any proof that we ever dressed like that please take this time, to light the bonfire in your backyard and burn any remaining clothes and all pictures related to that era. My apologies to anyone's eyes that had to witness me during that time, there is truly no excuse whatsoever!
So I hope everyone had a pleasant weekend, I know I did. I ended up taking a 2 day break from the gym, but I needed to let the body rest. Plus my 5 year-old's social calendar was rather demanding this weekend and it cut into my workout time. I did make it back into the gym yesterday. I couldn't risk taking anymore days off as I will admit the hubby and I made one of those 3am runs to Jalisco's after going out with friends on Saturday. My guilt was lessened since I know my husband is trying to lose weight too, so I had a friend in my fiend-ish craving for Mexican food at 3am.
It's funny, we have the same goal and two totally different ways of going about it. We go to the same gym, although you will rarely find us going together. When I first started going to the gym I set up and appointment right away to meet with the trainer. I hated walking around aimlessly like a lost puppy dog, I just wanted someone to tell me what to do and I would do it. Plus I figured if I was really going to do this, why not start off doing it right instead of just wasting time and money. Now, my husband on the other hand, a man who loves food and a lot of it, even though he is not very big at all. Decided that he would go to the gym, hit the elliptical until it wouldn't ellipse anymore or until he fell off whichever would happen first. Then he decided to change his diet. For the first few weeks, he would eat cheddar cheese, saltine crackers and tuna (a man who doesn't like fish). Then he got all wild and crazy one day and decided to add some carrots and fruits to his diet. I don't know about you, but most times I like to eat, because I like how food tastes, not just because I like to chew. Needless to say, he and I didn't quite see eye to eye on his diet of choice. I think he is slowly coming around to my side of things, he is eating more normally, just watching his portion sizes, which for him is a big step. Anyone that knows him knows this man can eat a foot long hoagie in no time. I always joke with him that one day he will be like that episode of "The Cosby Show" where all the men gave birth do the things they loved and Cliff gave birth to a 3 foot long hoagie and a bottle of orange soda! Oh I miss good wholesome family comedies. But he is doing good. He has also lost some weight and hopefully come summertime we will both be more fit versions of our formerly flabby selves. Plus, even if he stops, I had a big wake up call when I realized that I weighed more than my husband who is 6' tall! OMG! How the he!! did I accomplish that? I had one of those moments where I yelled at myself, in my own head of course and said, "L stop this $hit now!"
White pants, are you f$%^*#g serious!
So its Monday morning, I am not all that chipper on any morning let alone a Monday morning. Today was no different. I walk into work, already in a great mood because its freaking 16 degrees outside with wind chills of negative a bazillion or so it feels and I am trying to figure out why in the world I, of all people, live in Wisconsin! As I ponder why and how I ended up here, and I curse my parents, especially my dad who now lives in warm sunny California (damn him), my grandparents, my in-laws, my kids, my husband and Vince Condella, my friendly weather man. I am ripped away from my disturbing thoughts by the site of cellulite in white! WTF do people really think when the get up and get dressed in the morning! I mean seriously, you can't possibly tell me that you put that on and looked at yourself in the mirror, by looking at you it is questionable whether or not you own one at all, and decided dang I look good! First off, you are definitely a member of the chunky booty crew with me, did I hear you applied to run for my office when I lose my weight? Second, your a$$ has more dimples than Milwaukee streets have potholes. Third, you f$%^*#g thought it was a good idea to wear these 2 times too small pants out in public and force the rest of us to look at it. There should be laws against this. You have to figure that someone that would do this to my eyes must not have friends, probably lost them for obvious reasons. I can trust that if I were to walk out of the house looking like that on any occasion, if my husband didn't catch me before I tried to leave, my girls would definitely cut my off at the pass, pull a "Whitney" and say "OH HE!! TO DA NAW!" They would then politely walk me right back into my house, back to the hotel if we were on one of our many trips, and assist me in finding something that is acceptable for public viewing. A few tips for that poor child that I saw this morning:
  1. Get an all over girdle if you are even going to think about wearing stuff like that
  2. May want to carry a fire extinguisher for back up, because as tight as those pants are you might start a fire with the cold dry weather we are having
  3. Get some new friends
  4. Get some mirrors
  5. STOP IT!

Seriously, she can do better. It might not hurt for her to start on her own [blank] to Fabulous plan. I wouldn't say that she is Pretty Hot and Tempting yet, but she can fill in her own blank. :)

A few resources you might want to check out:

A Healthy BET

Discovery Health: Body Challenge 2006

I think I am done rambling for today. I am going to get back to work and try not to fall asleep. I am tired today, the weekend is never long enough. I am going to head to the gym today and do my normal battle for a machine, since everyone remembers that they are fat on Mondays after pigging out all weekend I am sure the gym will be packed. Until next time.

Today's Quote:

I don't exercise. If God wanted me to bend over, he'd have put diamonds on the floor.

-- Joan Rivers

posted by Elle Jefe at 2/06/2006 12:41:00 PM 1 comments

03 February 2006

We made it!

Thank goodness I made it to Friday! There were some points this week where I really didn't think it would happen, but here I sit. Who'd a thunk it? I have decided that today is my day off from the gym. I am not stupid, I am not trying to kill myself!

Today I came in and I was really excited to see that I got my first shout out from RLuv over at The Brown Spoon! Thanks man good looking out, and my appreciation for your clarification on the "special" comment. If you guys haven't had a chance to check out Rodney's Blog, take a peak. Fortunately, or unfortunately, we have very similar ways of writing and he might actually love "The Boondocks" more than me. If that's possible? Side Note: Sad that this Sunday is a re-run, but that's ok, it is still hilarious to see granddad take on a blind man in a good honest fight!

*singing* Back in the day, when I was young I'm not a kid anymore...
Oh my repertoire of music is endless! So I was thinking, I know that's dangerous, but still it dawned on me. Remember when I was in college back at Marquette and I was a size 10 and I thought I was so fat! Back then I could still shop at Express, Limited and Gap. It didn't matter what I ate, because when we were in college, the food sucked! All I ate was cereal or salad with the occasional stacked potato bar night thrown in, and when I wasn't at one of my 5 jobs, chatting on ISCA (whoa I went there) or in class, I was either out dancing the night away or in the gym. Instead of gaining the freshman fifteen I lost the freshman thirty! Did I think that in 10 years that this is where I would be? HE!! TO DA NAW! (Thank you Whitney Houston for giving me the proper words to express my feelings!) But seriously, if you had told me then that in the next ten years I would have been married with 2 kids and be carrying around an extra 70-80 pound a$$ behind me I would have laughed in your face. But at some point between 1996 and 2006, I got comfortable as most of us do. Comfortable with not exercising. Comfortable with eating 4 pieces of pizza instead of 2! Comfortable with that extra 10 pounds that oh wouldn't be a problem to lose, I am only 19 or I am only 21 or I am only 23, you get my drift. I got too daggone comfortable. And guess what, right now it makes me feel really uncomfortable. I welcome the discomfort, especially if it brings back my size 10 jeans!

Who needs a love seat when you have folding chairs. Who needs a flat screen 64" HDTV when you have a 13" toshiba from 1986! Who wants Boris Kodjoe, when you have Faizon Love? There has to become a point where we all realize that we are not comfortable with the stuff that we have just learned to accept over the years. Whether that be like me and deciding that it is no longer ok to shove food in my face out of boredom and sit on my a$$, or whether its a bad relationship that is going no where. When do we draw the line? When do we decide finally this $hit is uncomfortable and stop settling? Even if no one reads this I feel so Carrie in "Sex and the City" right now!

I am going to get in trouble for this I am sure...
But I was thinking, again, and I was wondering how many times a day do I see a commercial or advertisement for some pill that is supposed to be the wonder drug to losing those unwanted pounds. Or come to the Bariatric Treatment Center where we can discuss the options of stomach stapling or the cookie diet. Or call 1800JennyCraig! Or whatever the new craze is at the moment. Am I the only person who wants to lose weight without the side effects of "nausea, hear burn, indigestion, upset stomach, diarrhea, tingling limbs, loss of limbs, sexual dysfunction, temporary loss of eye sight or hearing, growth and/or loss of hair in abnormal places, birth defects, cancer, risk of stroke or immaculate conception"????? Just a thought!

Today's Quote:
I’m not short and fat, I am just vertically challenged and horizontally blessed!
- ME (The L)
posted by Elle Jefe at 2/03/2006 10:52:00 AM 1 comments

02 February 2006


WTF! That's what I was saying when my husband decided it was a good idea to take this picture and that's what I am saying to myself now. After I decided it was a good idea to take my happy slappy behind to the gym for a fifth day in a row! Now I had decided that since I had been 4 days in a row that anything else for the rest of the week was just extra credit and considering my body was still yelling at me for yesterday's workout, I figured I would give it a break! But nooooooo, I decided to listen to Mel's a$$ (I love you, Mel) and went to the gym with her anyway. And it didn't stop there, I came home and did my fitness ball workout and then tried out that Boot Camp Abs Workout to see how it was. I am psychotic, apparently and a glutton for punishment! I am going to sleep and I will talk to you good peeps in the morning.
posted by Elle Jefe at 2/02/2006 10:13:00 PM 0 comments

4 out of 4 ain't bad!

So I will start by saying these people are really tripping today. Folks want me to do their jobs because they are incompetent! Come on now people, I don't want to do my job, me do you your job....not happening! Anyway I am not thinking about them.

*singing* That's right put in work do them sit-ups right and get yo tummy tight and....
I will tell you I made it to the gym for my fourth time this week. Which means the rest of this week is optional since I hit my goal. :) I love when I do that! And your girl is definitely feeling the burn today. Although they say that is good. I made it all the way through my elliptical workout last night without having to change any diapers, however when I was doing my weights to the sound of "Guess What?" by Keyshia Cole, I look at the kids room and see my eldest child in tears. My trainer is in there checking her out, making her walk across the room and stuff and she is just a sobbing. Now don't get me wrong, I am not a cold mother or anything, but you have to know Jordan. That poor child just has two left feet. So I go in check on her, apparently she tripped over some toy, that most likely, was left on the floor by her little tyrant of a sister. I have no doubt in my mind. I go take her to the bathroom help her clean her face cleaned up, get her some water we are cool. We go back over to the room so she can get her shoes on and so I can come back out and finish the last of my workout. She asks how much longer I am going to be, I told her maybe about 10 minutes, this child says how come it can't be 11? Yeah sure, 11 it is. Apparently she thought she had lost important playing time, by having her little injury/breakdown and she needed to make up some time. Whatever works for you kid! Anyway that makes twice this week that my children have struck and interrupted my groove! Aaaaahhh! A mother's work is never done.

Yesterday's Countdown:
Thanks for the responses I received from people on yesterday's countdown. The one thing that I somehow missed on the countdown that a few of you pointed out was kids. Kids have definitely allowed us to keep those pounds packed on over the years. We gained weight when we got pregnant. Once they came along we were too busy to cook anything worthwhile and healthy, so we continued on our spiral into lard butt land, now that they are getting older, they never want to be the member of the clean plate club like we were always taught to be. So when Jordan leaves that last chicken nugget and says she's full, do you know how hard it is to just put in the garbage? I just paid $3.19 for that happy meal, at $1 for the drink, $.90 for the fries, that leaves $1.29 for 6-piece nuggets. That is $0.215 per nugget. You are going to waste almost $0.215, because you are full. Girl don't you know there are starving kids in Third World countries who could live for a month off of just $0.215 a day? I know Sally Struthers told me so! What's wrong with you child? OK, I digress, anyway you get my drift!

Today's Quote (Thanks Sue!):
When I buy cookies I eat just four and throw the rest away.
But first I spray them with Raid
so I won't dig them out of the garbage later.
Be careful, though, because that Raid really doesn't taste that bad.
-- Janette Barber

Preview of what's to come...
So later I plan to try to post for you guys this Abs Boot Camp Workout from a magazine I picked up, that says that it has fail proof ways to get rid of that unwanted fat for good. I figured that it would not be right though, if I didn't try the workout myself first so that I could give you my honest opinion, and you know I will. Until then peeps.

Thanks for all the great feedback and comments! Keep 'em coming! Let me know what you like and what you don't, unless you don't like me and in that case, who cares get off my blog its MINE!! *evil cackle* muwhahahahahaha! ok, whatever y'all know I got issues, don't act surprised now.
posted by Elle Jefe at 2/02/2006 10:49:00 AM 1 comments

Happy Birthday, KIM!

Everyone, please, take time today to wish my girl, Kim a Happy Birthday(English), Feliz Cumpleanos (Spanish),
Joyuex Anniversaire (French), Gute zum Geburtstag viel glukt (German),
Go shorty....It's yo birthday! We gonna party like it's yo birthday....!(You know that one!)
Thanks for the help on the translations Lisa! ;)

Kim is the one next to me, we already know I am the chunky one on the end, this has been discussed before! :) This is from Prive in Miami!

I'll hit y'all up later with a real post. These people at work are tripping and actually want me to do some work today!

posted by Elle Jefe at 2/02/2006 09:07:00 AM 0 comments

01 February 2006

I did it!

So I made it to the gym last night. It almost didn't happen, but I made it. So that makes 3 days out of 3 this week. Not so bad. Last night when I got to the gym, my friend Mel and her boyfriend, Ben, were there signing up for their membership, finally someone that will be able to meet me at the gym sometimes. We can hopefully help keep each other motivated. Once again though, the gym was super busy.

I think it is a conspiracy!
When I go to the gym, I usually take my kids and put them in the kids room. Its great, it lets me get my workout in, and it wears them out before bedtime! (Whoo hoo!) Anyway, it seems like every time I get to the gym, I get my stretching done and hop on an elliptical machine, provided one is available. Like last night, I was just getting in the groove, had my headphones on blasting, singing along with Pitbull, "Shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, mentirosaaaaa..." (Terri that was for you!) got to 10 mins about 1.2 miles and the girl from the kids room comes over, Kennedy stinks and needs to be changed! Every daggone time, I swear she does it on purpose. She's potty training and she's never wet just stinks to high heaven. That little booger! So at the time Mel was next to me on a machine so I left my stuff there with her to guard my machine and went to get my kid to change her as quickly as humanly possible. I figure with Mel there she can protect my machine, not like the last time this happened, when I left my towel and mp3 player on the machine and came back and some little skinny perky blonde girl was on the machine and had sat my stuff on the window sill. Fortunately for her there was another machine open, otherwise I might have considered dragging her happy slappy behind off of that machine by her hair, ok maybe not, can't get too ghetto up at the gym, but still. So I got on a machine almost right behind her, she comes over when she gets done and was like, oh I'm so sorry, I didn't realize you were still on it, I just thought you forgot your stuff. How do you forget an mp3 player? Most people usually keep them attached to their heads. And all the people that were up there on the other machines that saw the girl that works at the gym come over to get me and saw me hop off the machine, why didn't ne'er one of them say a word when this broad came and hopped on my machine. But anywho, I digress!

So I was thinking last night...
Which is something I try not to do when I am not at work getting paid to do so. But I started to put together a list of all the things in Milwaukee, Wisconsin or just in general that have made it way too easy for me over the past few years to stay a member of the Curvy Girl Club. So here's my top 10 list:
  1. Kopp's Frozen Custard - If you have never had frozen custard, you have never been to heaven! I have gotten in a car accident for this stuff before! (Right, Kye?) Culver's is a close second.
  2. After club runs to Jalisco's, Ma Fischer's, or Pizza Shuttle
  3. We are the "Dairy State," which may also mean we are the "Fat State" -- Although Men's Fitness Magazine said Milwaukee was the 15th fittest city in 2005 ( I think someone lied to them, there are a whole lotta chunky people walking around here, I've seen them!
  4. Cheese - So being the "Dairy State" you know we like our cheese, american cheese, cheddar cheese, string cheese, mozzarella cheese, provolone cheese, cheese with sausage chunks in it (don't ask), shredded cheese, sliced cheese, cheese cubes, cheese curds, fried cheese on a stick (thanks to State Fair, some people will fry anything!) , heck we even have the famous Mars Cheese Castle!
  5. Speaking of Frying stuff - At State Fair they bring a new meaning to friend foods. No offense to any of my Caucasian friends, but I used to think that black folks would fry some of anything, the Wisconsin State Fair proves y'all have got us beat, hands down! These fools fry cheese, twinkies, snickers, oreos, and who knows what else. And lets not mention the infamous cream puffs and human size turkey legs.
  6. Work - Every time I look up there is an email going out that there is some free food in the breakroom. Note to people at work: STOP THAT $HIT! Every time you send one of those emails, I just have to walk down there to see what it is and once I get there, I may as well take some since I did all the work to get down there! That is if it is packaged properly, I can't just be taking food that everyone has been digging in with who knows what. That's a story for another day!
  7. Going to the Club - It is a guarantee that when you go to the club you will see someone that looks a hot mess! That person will look so horrible that you will feel real, real, real good about yourself and comfortable about your place in this world! i.e. I went to Da Jungle last Saturday, there was this girl there that looked like she running a close second to me to being the president of the Chunky Butt Club, but she had the nerve to have on some spandex looking (I say looking, because they may have just been that tight that they appeared to be, but I am not sure) pants and a gold trashy looking top with spaghetti straps that looked like it came of the 99% off clearance rack at Rainbow! At that moment I felt sexy as he!!
  8. Valet - There's valet everywhere these days. They have valet at the mall. Y'all are really making this too easy. You mean I don't have to park my car in another county to get in the mall, all I have to do is hand my keys to some little 18 year old who will go park it for me, and then when I am done spending all the money I don't have he will book his little scrawny butt back out to the back of the parking lot to go get my car for me? Seriously, STOP THAT! MAKE ME WALK, trust I need it!
  9. Family style restaurants - What if you don't go with your family? Do you really think I am just going to let all that perfectly good food go to waste? I am not going to ask for a doggy bag or a to go box, because chances are 3 out of 4 times, I will forget it after I pay the check and leave it sitting on the table anyway, which means I just wasted my money and some perfectly good food. BLASPHEMY I SAY!
  10. (drum roll please) My girls from the Miami trip will know this is the truth....BIG GIRLS ARE IN THIS YEAR!

If you can think of anything that has made it just that much easier for you to keep those pounds on over time, holla at your girl!

Until next time, peeps!

Diet Quotes from
--Daniel Worona
posted by Elle Jefe at 2/01/2006 07:51:00 AM 1 comments